My mom’s tears break my heart. I took the bus from Detroit where I live to Rockford where mom lives in a retirement assisted living home called StoryPoint. The first night I spent with her, we both woke up to her crying in her sleep in her bedroom. I checked on her to see if she was ok or if she needed anything. She woke up unaware of her weeping but wasn’t surprised that she had been. It was so sad and sorrowful. I’ll probably never forget that sound.
Tomorrow is my mom's 88th birthday. Yesterday, the family had a birthday party for her. It was a very happy, festive time with two little babies, toddlers, and mom’s grandkids and her children. But my sister noticed her off to the side a couple of times, looking lost and then standing there in tears.. She sort of laughed at herself because suddenly she could not find dad, confused about where he was. He has always been there. But he passed away in September, 28 days after they had moved into StoryPoint. Although he was 88 years old, it was really unexpected, especially to mom. After devoting herself to him and this family, why was she the one left behind?
Dad and mom met when they were 5 years old in Reed City. They went to school together and both families went to the same church. They got married soon out of high school and devoted themselves to raising us three kids. Both of my parents were the most unselfish and caring people I know. Mom’s place and purpose in life was caring for family side by side. I’m forever grateful for having such a loving and supportive family.
After they had been married for 66 years, my dad died leaving mom to continue living her life alone. Whenever we talk, often several times a day, she longs for his companionship and wonders why she was the one that had been left behind.
It is 7 AM and I have not been able to sleep thinking about my mom’s poignant grief. I found myself almost sleeping but then repeatedly waking up in my own tears. I’ve been laying here very mad at life being so cruel to such a kind and caring person. Hopefully my tears will dry up long enough to get a little sleep, although I know my heart will remain broken for her. This brokenheartedness is how I will remember my parents’ unconditional compassion. It is also how I will continue to grieve my dad’s death.
None of us signed up for this death thing but no one gets out of this life alive!
“In this life, there is devastation that human beings experience here that defies understanding: pain so all-consuming and loss so indescribable that wrapping our minds around it or explaining it is simply beyond capacity.
“At times, nature and circumstance remind us all with breathtaking ferocity and blinding speed just how fleeting and fragile we are, how tenuous being here is; the velocity at which everything we know and own and hold dear can be ripped from us without warning or reason.” (John Pavolovich, writing in Subnet about the California fires)
