I see Dialogue as a process that can be used collectively (in conversation) or individually (as a way of life).
“What is essential here is the presence of the ‘spirit’ of dialogue, which is, in short, the ability to hold many points of view in suspension, along with a primary interest in the creation of a common meaning.” David Bohm and David Peat, ‘Science, Order and Creativity’
1. Dialogue is a very powerful process of interacting with each other in a conversation.
2. Dialogue is also a very powerful process of interacting with life.
“’Dialogue’ comes from the Greek word dialogos. Logos means ‘the word’, or in our case we would think of the ‘meaning of the word’. And dia means through… Even one person can have a sense of dialogue within himself, if the spirit of the dialogue is present. The picture or image that this derivation suggests is of a stream of meaning flowing among and through us and between us.” (David Bohm, On Dialogue)
Contrast this with a sense of discussion or debate.
This is like a game of ping pong where we bat the ball back and forth trying to win; and make “the other” lose.
In dialogue, no one is trying to “win”. That is not the point.
In dialogue, if even one person wins, everyone wins.
What is this craving for being right? Is it greed? Is it ego? What is this desire? Why is it that MY voice must be heard… my voice must be right? We have made our opinions into our identity, it has become personal and we must defend ourselves (or die!). And yet there is no certainty in any opinion.
"There's really no point in being persuaded or convinced. That's not really coherent or rational. If something is right, you don't need to be persuaded. If somebody has to persuade you, then there is probably some doubt about it." David Bohm, On Dialogue
"Suppose we were able to share meanings freely without a compulsive urge to impose our view or conform to those of others and without distortion and self-deception. Would this not constitute a real revolution in culture." David Bohm
"There is a great deal of violence in the opinions that we are defending. They are not merely opinions, they are not merely assumptions; they are assumptions with which we have identified -- which we are therefore defending, because it is as if we are defending ourselves. The natural self-defense impulse, which we got in the jungle, has been transferred from the jungle animals to these opinions. In other words, we say that there are some dangerous opinions out there -- just as there might be dangerous tigers." David Bohm, On Dialogue
"It is important to see that the different opinions that you have are the result of past thought: all your experiences, what other people have said, and whatnot. That is all programmed into your memory. You may then identify with those opinions and react to defend them. But it doesn't make sense to do this. If the opinion is right, it doesn't need such a reaction. And if it is wrong, why should you defend it? It is as if you yourself are under attack when your opinion is challenged." (David Bohm, On Dialogue)
If I already know… I can no longer learn.
If I seek to be heard… I cannot hear.
If I seek to be understood… I cannot understand.
In seeking to be loved… I cannot love.
Living life as a discussion, as a debate,
If I win, you must lose.
If I am right, then that makes you wrong.
“What is essential here is the presence of the spirit of dialogue, which is, in short, the ability to hold many points of view in suspension, along with a primary interest in the creation of a common meaning.” (David Bohm)
Living in a Spirit of Dialogue means
I seek first to suspend all assumptions.
I seek first to listen.
I seek first to understand.
Winning is irrelevant.
Understanding is power.
No one knows all.
No one is perfectly right.
And no one is absolutely wrong.
Within all thought is a mixture
Of right and wrong
Of black and white
Of night and day
Of darkness and light.
As soon as I declare my own rightness,
I simultaneously declare “the other” wrong.
I rob myself of a new perspective, a new learning.
I rob “the other” of the dignity and the honor of being an individual
With a unique and valuable perspective.
With a unique and valuable perspective.
When I rob “the other” of their difference, there is no freedom.
In order for me to become better than…
I make them lesser than….
Similar to a bully...
We lose equality.
We lose freedom.
We lose the wisdom buried in an alternative and diverse perspective.
We lose the treasure of “the other”.
In a spirit of dialogue, we anticipate “meaning”
coming from anywhere and everywhere.
We look for diversity and embrace it.
We are open and listening,
Living in wait of a new truth.
Buried here.
Scattered there.
Broken and strewn
In the gutters of the streets.
"The words of the prophets are written
In the gutters of the streets.
"The words of the prophets are written
on the subway walls and tenement halls,
and in the sound of silence."
Emerging from the most unlikely and unexpected place.
Are we Looking? Listening?
Are we Looking? Listening?
Waiting, watching… in wonder?
Eyes wide open.
Ears wide open.
Ears wide open.
Heart wide open.
Mind wide open.
Arms wide open
to embrace the mystery
that emerges from life
as we live it in
a spirit of dialogue.
But does that mean that we become weak?
Does that mean that we have no power?
“Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.” (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
Does that mean that we have no opinion, no belief???
Opinion and belief is loud and knowing.
They derail learning and understanding.
In dialogue, we take charge
of our mind, our thoughts, our words.
We simply “suspend” our assumptions
so we can listen for understanding
without the loud banter of rightness, and dogma,
like unending tinnitus
ringing in our ears
and in our heads.
ringing in our ears
and in our heads.
In argument (or debate or discussion), words are reactions
from a heart of noise and chatter.
Dialogue begins with a heart and mind that is at peace.
In dialogue, words emerge out of silence,
a place of stillness and mindfulness…
our center, a place of great depth and power…
a place we so rarely visit…
a power we so rarely access.
In dialogue, life can be a silent, ongoing conversation
with all of creation;
powerful as a deep river,
gentle as dew on a flower.
with all of creation;
powerful as a deep river,
gentle as dew on a flower.
“We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather around us that they may see, it may be, their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.” (William Butler Yeats from Earth, Fire, & Water)
“Stillness is where you meet with the essence of things…In stillness we can begin to let go of external voices, stereotypes, and clichés that crowd out original, personal and internal voices. Those discordant outer voices fade away in stillness. Stillness is a place of rooting oneself in a much larger field of being.”(John Fox, Finding What You Didn’t Lose)
“The Place Where We Are Right”
by the great Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai:
“From the place where we are right
flowers will never grow
in the spring.
The place where we are right
is hard and trampled
like a yard.
But doubts and loves
dig up the world
like a mole, a plough.
And a whisper will be heard in the place
where the ruined
house once stood.”
For more, see Dialogue — a proposal by David Bohm:
http://www.david-bohm.net/dialogue/dialogue_proposal.html
http://www.david-bohm.net/dialogue/dialogue_proposal.html
or…
“It is possible to have such dialogues in all sorts of circumstances, with many or just a few people involved. Indeed even an individual may have a kind of internal dialogue with himself or herself. What is essential here is the presence of the spirit of dialogue, which is, in short, the ability to hold many points of view in suspension, along with a primary interest in the creation of a common meaning. It is particularly important, however, to explore the possibilities of dialogue in the context of a group that is large enough to have within it a wide range of points of view, and to sustain a strong flow of meaning. This latter can come about because such a dialogue is capable of having the powerful nonverbal effect of consensus. In the ordinary situation, consensus can lead to collusion and to playing false, but in a true dialogue there is the possibility that a new form of consensual mind, which involves a rich creative order between the individual and the social, may be a more powerful instrument than is the individual mind. Such consensus does not involve the pressure of authority or conformity, for it arises out of a spirit of friendship dedicated to clarity and the ultimate perception of what is true. In this way the tacit infrastructure of society and that of its subcultures are not opposed, nor is there any attempt to alter them or to destroy them. Rather, fixed and rigid frames dissolve in the creative free flow of dialogue as a new kind of microculture emerges.
“People who have taken part in such a dialogue will be able to carry its spirit beyond the particular group into all their activities and relationships and ultimately into the general society. In this way, they can begin to explore the possibility of extending the transformation of the mind that has been discussed earlier to a broader sociocultural context. Such an exploration would clearly be relevant for helping to bring about a creative and harmonious order in the world. It should be clear by now that the major barriers to such an order are not technical; rather they lie in the rigid and fragmentary nature of our basic assumptions. These keep us from changing in response to the actual situations and from being able to move together from commonly shared meanings.”
David Bohm and F. David Peat, Science, Order, and Creativity (New York: Bantam, 1987), pages 240-47. http://cogweb.ucla.edu/CogSci/Bohm_Peat_87.html
David Bohm's definition of Dialogue:
"I give a meaning to the word 'dialogue' that is somewhat different from what is commonly used. The derivations of words often help to suggest a deeper meaning. 'Dialogue' comes from the Greek word dialogos. Logos means 'the word' or in our case we would think of the 'meaning of the word'. And dia means 'through' - it doesn't mean two. A dialogue can be among any number of people, not just two. Even one person can have a sense of dialogue within himself, if the spirit of the dialogue is present. The picture of image that this derivation suggests is of a stream of meaning flowing among and through us and between us. This will make possible a flow of meaning in the whole group, out of which will emerge some new understanding. It's something new, which may not have been in the starting point at all. It's something creative. And this shared meaning is the 'glue' or 'cement' that holds people and societies together.
"Contrast this with the word 'discussion', which has the same root as 'percussion' an 'concussion'. It really means to break things up. It emphasizes the idea of analysis, where there may be many points of view. Discussion is almost like a Ping-Pong game, where people are batting the ideas back and forth and the object of the game is to win or to get points for yourself. Possibly you will take up somebody else's ideas to back up your own - you may agree with some and disagree with others - but the basic point is to win the game. That's very frequently the case in a discussion.
"In a dialogue, however, nobody is trying to win. Everybody wins if anybody wins. There is a different sort of spirit to it. In a dialogue, there is no attempt to gain points, or to make your particular view prevail. Rather, whenever any mistake is discovered on the part of anybody, everybody gains. It's a situation called win-win, in which we are not playing a game against each other but with each other. In a dialogue, everybody wins."
Further Iterations of Dialogue
Below are some other processes that continue to spiral deeper into my life and change me at the core. Each of these have taken root in ways that affect all of my actions, interactions, and reactions, if I'm lucky. The following approaches to life, in my mind, fall under the overall way of living life called Dialogue.
Culture of Gentleness
I completed the requirements to become a State Certified Mentor for a Culture of Gentleness. I also spent 6 weeks in 8 group homes doing cultural assessment of a Culture of Gentleness through one on one interviews with staff and residents and through on-site observation to see if the required training of Gentle Teaching in order to create a Culture of Gentleness has actually changed the culture in group homes.Are people, both residents and staff, regularly experiencing the feeling of being safe and valued so that they can learn to value others and become engaged in a meaningful life???
http://dbaronirvine.wordpress.com/2015/01/21/culture-of-gentleness/
- Center for Positive Living Support
- Gentle Teaching: Central Purpose
- Gentle Teaching: Four Pillars
- Gentle Teaching: Four Tools
- Gentle Teaching: Six Elements
- Gentle Teaching: Our Beliefs
Non Violent Communication
Based on the book and practice Non Violent Communication; a Language of Life by RozenburgNonviolent Communication offers practical and powerful skills for compassionate giving and receiving. These skills are based in a consciousness of interdependence and the concept of “power with” instead of “power over” others.
NVC skills include:
- Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;
- Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;
- Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and,
- Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving). https://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations
Appreciative Inquiry
Common appreciative questions include variations on the following:- High point experiences: Describe a time in your life (during participation with GR Friends) when you felt alive and engaged.
- Valuing: What do you value most about yourself, this Meeting, and your place in this Meeting?
- Core life-giving factors: What are the core factors that give life to this Meeting?
What are the unique attributes of this Meeting, without which it would not be the same? - Wishes for/images of the future: What three wishes do you have to enhance the vitality of this Meeting? Imagine this Meeting five years from now, healthy and vibrant – what does it look like?
The 4-D Cycle: Discovery:
Appreciating and Valuing the Best of "What Is"Dream: Envisioning "What Might Be"
Design: Dialoguing "What Should Be"
Destiny: Innovating "What Will Be"
(Cooperrider, David L. & Whitney, Diana (1999). Appreciative
Inquiry. In Holman, P.& Devane, T. (Eds.), Collaborating for
Change. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc)
Appreciative Inquiry is about the coevolutionary search for the best in people, their
organizations, and the relevant world around them. In its broadest focus, it involves
systematic discovery of what gives “life” to a living system when it is most alive, most
effective, and most constructively capable in economic, ecological, and human terms. AI
involves, in a central way, the art and practice of asking questions that strengthen a
system’s capacity to apprehend, anticipate, and heighten positive
potential.
Conflict Transformation
“Conflict flows from life. As I have emphasized above rather than seeing conflict as a threat, we can understand it as providing opportunities to grow and to increase understanding of ourselves, of others, of our social structures. Conflicts in relationship at all levels ae the way life helps us to stop, assess, and take notice. One way to truly know our humanness is to recognize the gift of conflict in our lives. Without it, life would be a monotonously flat topograhphy of sameness and our relationship would be woefully superficial."
For more see:
https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/conflict-transformation/
Quaker “Worship Sharing”
- a form of dialogue that
- Reaches as deeply as you can into the sacred center of your life.
- Speaks out of the silence, and leave a period of silence between speakers.
- Speaks from your own experience, about your own experience. Concentrate on feelings and changes rather than on thoughts or theories.
- Does not respond to what anyone else has said, either to praise or to refute.
- Listens carefully and deeply to what is spoken.
- Expects to speak only once, until everyone has had a chance to speak.
- Respects the confidentiality of what is shared.
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