Monday, April 13, 2020

The Trouble with Normal


What is Normal?

“The Trouble with Normal is it Always gets Worse.” (Bruce Cockburn lyrics)

First I must remember that normal is nothing more than merely a  story in my head. It is not real. It is another fiction that we choose to believe in or value or not. I can’t put it in my pocket and take it home or study it or eat it. It exists only in my head as a concept or a story or an illusion... a fiction.

The thing that we have to watch out for is how our own thinking constructs and reconstructs the story of normal in our heads. Part of this story often is “the grass is greener on the other side.” 

If only...

If only we could get back to normal.
I’m so tired of social distancing.
I don’t like self isolation.


Entertain me!
I’m lonely!
I’m bored!
If only...

These are all stories we tell ourselves. And none of them have any basis in reality. They are our own pet fictions, a micro-narrative that we have chosen to live by.

Here's a couple of conversations I had today as I was responding to the 100+ happy birthdays from around the world from the past couple of days and to our present global pandemic.

Happy birthday, Ron. I appreciate your social media conversations and thought-starters. Especially in this difficult time craving non-business-related engagement. I often find your advice and insights useful. How will you celebrate given the current restrictions? (Thanks Bruce)

My response: I've often said that sickness is the western man's meditation while sick in a hospital bed or at home. It stops us dead in our tracks so that we can think and observe and reflect and choose what life will be. How will I define my life going forward. I guess this pandemic isn't much different for me than being sick except I can feel good and take walks, as long as I follow the rules so I don’t get sick. I've come to really enjoy alone, agenda-free time. I haven't been bored or lonely for years, so why start now??? 

Monday, April 6, 2020

Labeling, Categorizing, Dehumanizing ,and Eliminating

The Objectifying Power of Labeling

Using a language of dehumanization

Weaponizing Words

Name-calling is a form of violence and control

Why do we need to dehumanize the “Other”?
Why can't we be human together?

One of my greatest pet peeves is being called a name, any name, outside my own name. No one likes it. Not only that but it breeds mistaken identity. There is no way that one word can sum up all that a person is all about. And yet we continue to be the know-it-all and show off our intelligence (lack of) by our deft use of words. Now that I know, I can show you that I know all about you and maybe even show the world how much I know. As kids when someone did that we taunted with, "Your intelligence is showing!" with the whole playground knowing what we really mean, "Your lack of intelligence is showing!" "Your ignorance is showing!" How often do we hear people from all walks of life all the way up to the highest position in the land labeling whole groups of people with words like:

Liberal, conservative, progressive, fundamentalist, evangelical, Christian, Muslim, atheist, agnostic, right-wing, left-wing, Democrat, Republican, disabled, able-bodied, heterosexual, LGBTQIA, black, white, brown, middle class, rich, poor, beautiful, ugly ...  And yet, are we not all human? And yet we stubbornly use names and labels thinking we know, but showing we know nothing.

Besides the destructiveness and violence of name-calling and insulting, this practice is a great absurdity in so many ways showing great human ignorance:

  1. The nature of words and language show us that labeling and name-calling can never be true. Language is made up of words. And words cannot be the reality. They are only signs and symbols that point to the reality. 
  2. Using the person’s given name does no good for categorizing them because your name is not a descriptor. It is only a distinguisher. That’s it. But for me anyway, that’s the only way that is acceptable simply so we can distinguish the person we wish to talk to. In other words, never call me anything outside of my name.
  3. The words we use do not demonstrate our competence or power. Like a bully, they are simply a reflection of our shallow paucity of character.
  4. Given that it is impossible to label a person’s character, qualities, values, and beliefs by using one word, how much more absurd is it to use a whole group of people by using one word. Individuals are much too complex for this to work and thus a group is infinitesimally more complex and impossible.
  5. Beyond the complexity of each and every individual, there is the complexity of all of these political and religious ideologies and categories that we think we “know” when we use blanket name-calling.
  6. So my initial conclusion to this absurdity is that name-calling can never be meaningful, accurate, or useful, so it ends up being a weaponization of words to use against a person or a group in order to violate the identity or integrity of that person or group; demeaning and destroying those people in one’s mind and in the minds of others. 
  7. The definition I use for violence happens to be one from Parker Palmer, “Violence is when we violate the identity and integrity of another.” Sound familiar?
  8. My conclusion regarding this ridiculous practice is that it is the lazy man’s way of spouting off what he doesn’t know and has no ability or desire to learn. And with the extreme derogatory effects it has can quickly become an act of violence and hence war; either individually or collectively.
We are so quick to label people often resulting in false stereotypes, prejudice, and racism. We label so we can separate something out from the whole and understand it better; knowing more precisely what we are getting. Labeling works great in a grocery store. We can see what it is we are buying and even find out all of the ingredients contained in it . . . by the label assigned to the product.

Labeling is also necessary in the medical field and the mental health field. Labels are used in diagnoses which help doctors to prescribe medication and hospitals to provide treatment. These labels also can be tied to funding sources that would not have been available without the label.

And to bring in another perspective, it is impossible to live in this world without using labels. After all, words themselves are signs and symbols that point to reality. In other words, even words are a form of labeling. But that’s precisely why we are so quickly hoodwinked and hijacked; deceived by labels. Life is full of them and they are familiar. And when something is familiar, we tend to take it for granted and allow it to go on autopilot; disengaging our minds. When that happens then it is very easy to mindlessly succumb and become numb to name calling and other labels out of laziness, the lack of effort to communicate mindfully and meaningfully.

All communication must be intentional. We must know what it is that we want to say, how we want to say it, and make sure that what we say brings the result that we are looking for. So often, the process gets hijacked and we end up with a train wreck because we were not intentional about what we need to say, why we need to say it, how we need to say it, and how we need it to come out. We are responsible for each and every word we say and we know that, as the Bible says, a word can be a spark that starts a fire that burns down a forest; everything we value.

A Page of Lost Questions

“A GREAT QUESTION refuses to be answered; so it keeps leading us into deeper connections with each other and into deeper thinking.” (Judith Snow)
 ~~~
All learning and all wisdom begins with an open mind and an open  heart that says, “I don’t know.”
 ~~~
Questioning keeps us open.
Openness allows us to learn.
~~~
Questions come
from a heart that is seeking
rainer-maria-rilke-quote-live-the-questions
from a heart that is open
from a heart that is listening
from a heart that is willing to learn.
 ~~~
John O’Donohue was an Irish poet and philosopher who lived in a small cottage in the West of Ireland. He wrote several books including Anam Cara: The Book of Celtic Wisdom and Eternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong. John passed away on January 3, 2008. He was 52 years old. You can access his website to learn more about John and his work.  www.johnodonohue.com

Great Conversation

COFFEE AND CONVERSATION, MY FAVORITE THING



Coffee and Conversation
“When is the last time you had a great conversation? A conversation which wasn’t just two intersecting monologues, which is what passes for conversation in this culture. When have you had a great conversation in which: you overheard yourself saying things you never knew you knew; you heard yourself receiving from somebody words that absolutely found places within you that you had thought you had lost; you and your partner ascended to a different plane; memories of the exchange continued to sing in your mind for weeks afterward?” (John O’Donohue)

Learning to talk "with" each other again

What constitutes a great conversation?

Begin by talking WITH each other rather than talking TO each other.
Begin by listening. No one is interested in what I have to say unless I am first interested in what they have to say.
Begin with understanding. Seek to understand more than to be understood. Conversation is not about me, it is about us.