Grasping, Gripping, Groping, Griping

Sometimes I feel like most of my life has been nothing but

grasping...

gripping…

groping…

griping…


Grasping what is not mine.

Gripping what is temporal.

Groping for what is permanent.

Griping about what I don’t have.

Sort of like a dog chasing its tail,

I have lived my life in repeating circles.

After a heartbreaking experience

I spend myself with tears of loss.

Sometimes for many months,

sometimes for many years.

Then there is a shift and

I spend myself with tears of longing.

Sometimes for many months,

sometimes for many years.

Finally . . .

I begin to realize that

“Loss” is the past.

I cannot bring that back…

“Longing” is the future.

That is out of my hands…

What if life were to be spent on nothing but love

…of each moment

…of each person

…of life

…all of life?

Each experience?

Every encounter?

Fully present, fully aware, fully conscious, fully alive.

What if the only tears were tears of love? What if???

I - Thou (versus) I - It

There are two ways that we can live in this world

I - Thou: You and I are equals with equal value and equal voice. Dignity, trust, and respect undergirds our relationship. We meet eye to eye, face to face, without threat or dominance, without expectations or demands. Thou applies to all things since we are in relationship with all things: all people, all creatures, the earth upon which we depend, the universe upon which the earth depends.

I - It: When Thou is diminished to It, the “I” changes and the world changes. The relationship becomes transactional and conditional; it is devalued and becomes worthless. We treat the “other” as an object to be used for selfish purposes. Worst of all, the “I” is diminished to a user, a dominator, a controller, a consumer. Both the “I” and the “It” have become objects… things… using each other.

We must learn to see all as "thou", as sacred: all people, all living creatures, the whole earth, and the universe. All are of great value to be honored and respected, which means they are to be cared for unconditionally.

We must learn to see when we have diminished the "other" to an "it"; an object or thing for our use, abuse, or disdain. Seeing the "other" as lesser than us is in itself an act of violence or profanity that not only diminishes the "other" but diminishes ourselves even more.

The person that lives in this world in an "I" - "Thou" relationship with all creation completely changes when it shifts to an "i" - "it" relationship. We become takers and users for our own means, thereby diminishing our own humanity, our own sacredness, our own integrity.

This is the beginning of the demise of our own humanity.

Using our words, attitudes, and actions we bring on so mindlessly the destruction of the innate sacredness of all creation.

Words Matter

The Power of Words for Destruction or Healing

Words can be used as bullets or seeds.

Words are the initial act of war or peace.

When I was a kid, I’d hear someone cut loose with a bunch of words that I was not allowed to use, our standard response would be, “Your intelligence is showing!” We all knew what that meant, even the person that was cursing. In other words, your LACK OF intelligence is showing. It was an easy, nonthreatening reminder that the whole playground understood.

Now, in a world full of incendiary, inflammatory, polemic rhetoric, do words still matter 50 years later? Or do we just say whatever we feel and forget the impact on those around us, on ourselves, and on our world? Are we civilized or uncivilized? Are we characterized by civility or incivility?

It used to be that those in politics never used “bad” words and knew it was unprofessional and beneath the office to use words that were inflammatory, derogatory, vilifying, expletive, obscene, or profane. But now we hear those words daily. Since the inception of our country, there has been a very clear unwritten rule that expects the office of the presidency to be the moral center of our government including the words and actions of that high position, the most powerful person in the world. They knew they were accountable as elected representatives of their constituents and role models before their families. Character first, then policy That was a given even though it was not written. I wonder if the Office of the President will ever recover and become the place of dignity and honor that it has been since our founders.

We also know from recent history what happens when dictators stoke fear and hate with their words by categorizing and eliminating hated groups of people and we as a world vowed to never make such mistakes again after the last world war. This is a line that we would never cross and we were all raised that way. And yet, we are stupid creatures that forget so quickly.

Ways we are seeing language used. Ways that are becoming common:

• Dehumanizing people: immigrants as animals, vermin
• Name calling and insults: both individuals and groups of people
• Labeling: democrats think or say "this", republicans think or say "that",
• Extremism: Invasion, infestation
• Exaggeration: people pouring over the borders, all of them criminals
• Conspiracy theories: Hoax, witch hunt, fake news
• Blaming: constantly blaming others so that he does not have to take responsibility
• Whatever happened to "the buck stops here?"

Words reflect our thoughts and our thoughts are what creates the world that we must then live in. We are shaping the world around us with the words that we use. Words reflect our character or lack thereof.

What are we creating?
Being Human or Inhuman, Humane or Inhumane, Honoring and Respecting or
Peace or Violence, Nurturing or Destroying with insults and name-calling.

Never in my life have I known another person that is as vile and vulgar, cruel and mean, stoking fear and hate, full of anger and furry, with no filters whatsoever, and no sense of honoring and respecting other humans besides himself. Because of this alone, this is a man that I would never allow my kids to be around or even watch on TV, that I would never be around myself, that I would never ever follow. Because I knew I would have to become a lesser person with a dulled conscience; sacrificing my own integrity. What happened. Why? I wish I knew.

Civility is an expression of a deeper integrity (or lack of) among human beings (both individually and collectively). It is also a matter of life and death. Dehumanization is the first step of elimination and death.

Words are a means to an end. So we must ask ourselves daily what are the results of the words that we use? What ends do they achieve? Do we seek destructive ends (violence) or a civil society (civilization)?

"In the final analysis, means and ends must cohere because the end is preexistent in the means, and, ultimately, destructive means cannot bring about constructive ends."
—Martin Luther King Jr.

Inflammatory words bring destructive results and are another form of violence and bullying. They convey a complete lack of dignity, honor, and respect for our brothers and sisters; and are equally destructive to the one that speaks them. In other words, this is a systematic dehumanization and self destruction of individuals and society. Bullying is the lazy man's way of dominating and decimating one's opponents. Instead of having a civil, intelligent conversation about differences, a life-changing dialogue, a disagreement is turned into war, a win-lose scenario, needlessly, mindlessly, and heartlessly. This is the lazy man's way done by labeling, name-calling, and demeaning the "other". This is the ultimate dehumanization of the human spirit. This is a violence of the heart that corrupts ultimately and totally destroys first the aggressor and then the one that has been dishonored and disrespected, then destroyed. The human race has no place for such despicable and deplorable behavior. It is like a carnivor devouring the flesh of an innocent child, out of cowardice, fear, and a need to dominate.

I'M A U.S. MARINE, AND THIS ISN'T THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH I SERVED TO PROTECT | OPINION

https://www.newsweek.com/us-marine-free-speech-abuse-1452286

Violence at the Core

Minding our interactions, both verbal and nonverbal

Have microaggressions become natural responses to our fellow humans?

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” (Jiddu Krishnamurti)

“Yet when we ‘choose life,’ we quickly confront the reality of a culture riddled with violence. By violence I mean more than the physical savagery that gets much of the press. Far more common are those assaults on the human spirit so endemic to our lives that we may not even recognize them as acts of violence.” (Parker Palmer)

“Violence is anytime a person violates the identity or integrity of another person” (Parker Palmer)

With this corruption,

This worm at the core,

We are nurturing, whether

Intentionally or unintentionally,

Consciously or unconsciously,

A culture of violence;

From which we may never recover.

This corruption consists of seeds 

That are cultivating

Disrespect and dishonor, 

Inequality and hatred,

Inferiority and superiority,

Oppression and dominance.

We are rotting 

From the inside out

From the outside in

From the top down.

From the bottom up.

Dogma

If I already know… 

I can no longer learn.

"A man with a conviction 
is a hard man to change.
Tell him you disagree 
and he turns away.
Show him facts or figures 
and he questions your sources.
Appeal to logic 
and he fails to see your point."— Stanford University psychologist Leon Festinger

“How thoughtful of God to arrange matters so that, wherever you happen to be born, the local religion always turns out to be the true one.” -Richard Dawkins

“The very desire to be certain, to be secure, is the beginning of bondage. It's only when the mind is not caught in the net of certainty, and is not seeking certainty, that it is in a state of discovery.” (Krishnamurti)

"Can we not look at the truth without creating ideas? It is almost instinctive with most of us when something true is put before us to create immediately an idea about it. And I think if we can understand why we do this so instinctively, almost unconsciously, then perhaps we shall understand if it is possible to be free from effort."
- Krishnamurti, On Truth

In response to a "conversation" thread on social media, I responded to a bunch of empty religious responses with this: "I understand where you are coming from because for 50 years I thought I knew everything too."

Recognizing and removing dogma is
“just a way of clearing the space for better conversations.” (Sam Harris)

What is Dogma --
a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true.

Origin of Dogma -- 
Mid 16th century via late Latin from Greek dogma ‘opinion’, from dokein ‘seem good, think’.
https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/dogma

"A settled opinion, a principle held as being firmly established," c. 1600 (in plural dogmata), from Latin dogma "philosophical tenet," from Greek dogma (genitive dogmatos) "opinion, tenet," literally "that which one thinks is true," from dokein "to seem good, think" (from PIE root *dek- "to take, accept").
https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=dogma

“People wish to be settled.

Only as far as they are unsettled

is there any hope for them.” (Emerson)

For me, simply looking at the definition and origins of the word "dogma" sends red flags up my spine and flying into the air. Here are some trigger words:

The Cocoon

Our Bubble of Sameness
Our Echo Chamber
Insulated and Isolated

Separated and Segregated

We are so quick to shy away from and avoid anything that is disruptive to our lifestyles, our values, our beliefs.

But there is no new learning, no change,
no growth, no new perspectives without disruption.

Without disruption of the status quo, we keep on
thinking and doing the same things over and over.

And yet we keep on talking to the same people,
having the same conversations,
thinking the same thoughts,
believing what we have been told,
following the same routines and habits.

Is that really what we want???
Why do we keep on doing things
that give us the same result that we do not want?

Will we ever dare to break out?

"Humanity has been sleeping -- and still sleeps -- lulled within the narrowly confining joys of its closed loves."

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Each year we live, layer after layer of conditioning creates a sort of cocoon where we see only what we are taught to see, hear only what we are listening for, the echo of our own voice; where we insulate and isolate ourselves from discomfort, insecurity, uncertainty, reality, truth, and the vulnerability of relationships as we sacrifice our own authenticity, identity, and integrity. After a while, we know nothing beyond our little cocoon. But that’s OK because it is safe and warm and predictable… and sleepy. We hang a sign on our cocoon, “Do Not Disturb!”

Meanwhile, “in the cocoon there is no idea of light at all, until we experience some longing for openness, some longing for something other than the smell of our own sweat.” (Chogyam Trungpa, Shambhala; the sacred path of the warrior)

The cocoon, by nature, can only be temporary, not a lifelong refuge. When we try to stay in the cocoon, it dries up and dies. In the cocoon, truth is rendered powerless and empty. Unknowingly, we bring our identity, our purpose, our religion into the cocoon with us. Layer on layer of conditioning dilutes and pollutes the vitality of compassion and peace, equality and integrity. True religion is buried with the spin of politics and commercialization of culture.

All we can hear is what we have been told.

All we hear is what we listen for.

All we hear is what we want to hear.

All we see is what is in our face in the dark.

All we see is what we are looking for.

All we see is what we want to see.

All we see is what is in our puny little world of our own making.

All we smell is our own sweat.

Sameness destroys disruption.

Comfortableness, security, certainty stifles disruption.

Difference and diversity nurtures disruption.

While disruption and growth destroys sameness, comfortableness, security, and certainty.

“When we hide from the world in this way, we feel secure. We may think that we have quieted our fear, but we are actually making ourselves numb with fear. We surround ourselves with our own familiar thoughts, so that nothing sharp or painful can touch us. We are so afraid of our fear that we deaden our hearts.” (Chogyam Trungpa, Shambhala; the sacred path of the warrior)

Our eyes… closed! Our ears… closed! Our minds… closed! Our hearts… closed! Our will… closed!

When will we wake up?

When will we break out?

Is there a glimmer of light, a hint of fresh air, that might pique our curiosity?

There is a whole universe out there; out beyond the walls of our puny little world.

There is a reality beyond our own making, maybe even a “God” beyond the one that we have created.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become breakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
C. S. Lewis
Source: The Four Loves

Let's step out of the cocoon, the casket, the coffin, and stand up into the Light.

Why so afraid to stand up?

Someone will tell you, ‘sit down’.

But herein is the truth:

someone will always tell you to sit down.

The ones we remember

. . . kept standing.

(Ruth Forman)

In the book, Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, warriorship is taught as a way of life. A warrior lives a life of fearlessness only if the person lives a life that is fully aware and fully present. The characteristic at the core of warriorship is gentleness; which comes from tenderness.

“Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world (touch) your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others.”

“In the Shambhala tradition, discovering fearlessness comes from working with the softness of the human heart.” “When a human being first gives birth to the tender heart of warriorship… you no longer need to feel shy or embarrassed about being gentle. In fact, your softness begins to become passionate. You would like to extend yourself to others and communicate with them. When tenderness evolves in that direction, then you can truly appreciate the world around you. Sense perceptions become very interesting things. You are so tender and open already that you cannot help opening yourself to what takes place all around you … You begin to feel comfortable being a gentle and decent person.”

Sold Out

Sold Out. Souled Out. Hollowed Out.

From my perspective, Evangelical Christianity has been sold out to power and politics, or maybe “souled out” is a better term. 

Hollowed out also comes to mind quite often.

What I see is a form of
Christianity that has traded

righteousness for power,

character for politics, 

the hard, dirty work of compassion for the easy way, 

the essential issues at the core of Christianity for distraction issues that are nonessential, fringe issues.

“How dismal it is to see present day Americans yearning for the very orthodoxy that their country was founded to escape.”
― Christopher Hitchens

Immigration, homosexuality, and abortion as political weapons

It is of great concern to me that these political issues seem to have emerged for political convenience and power which included mistranslations and misinterpretations of the Bible. Could it be that the Bible has secretly lost its authority, inspiration, and inerrancy in order for it to be so freely weaponized for political gain? And the absurdity of it is that it is the "Evangelical Christians" that are trying to hang on to their precious inspiration and inerrancy while at the same time weaponizing the sacred book for the sake of their precious politics. They are going to have to prioritize soon because the rest of us are catching on and they are losing their integrity and credibility. 

No one can serve two masters.

Respectable Religion?
"Following Jesus is not a respectable religion, and I suspect it was never meant to be. It is a call to truth, justice and liberation for those oppressed, excluded and disempowered."
Diarmuid O'Murchu
Source: Catching Up With Jesus

FOLLOWING THE EASY WAY

Originally, Christianity was never meant to be the easy way. Then it became seduced with power by becoming an arm of empire (which has been for most of its history). Currently, it has again been hoodwinked and hijacked by the power of empire.

It is so interesting how easy it has been to forsake the essentials of Christianity for the sake of politics, money, and power.

Essentials are those basic, central characteristics expressed in words and actions and reactions that prove a person is a Christian:

• Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
• Loving God and Neighbor, which includes our enemy, the alien, the stranger, and all of those that are different from us... unconditionally.
• Do to others only what you would want done to you.

Apart from these things, 

there is no faith, 

there is no love, 

there is no Christianity.
"Faith without works is dead." (James 2:14-26)
"Anyone who does not love does not know God, 

because God is love." (1 John 4:8)

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35)

It is so much easier to focus on nonrelational, impersonal, political, nonessentials that were not emphasized by Jesus, the Bible, and 2000 years of Christianity. I see this as yet another prime example of worshiping the gods of comfort, security, and certainty or a compartmentalized religion that has no demands except possibly on Sundays, holidays, and voting day to do one's duty.

Behold, a new American sanitized, sterilized, pasteurized, homogenized Jesus emerges creating the easy way, a pipeline to heaven, where right belief expressed in fear and hate rather than right living is the fruit of the spirit. A nice imaginary Jesus has been created for our own convenience in America. Christians no longer have to "love their neighbor" or be a "friend of sinners" or care for the "least of these" because it is too hard and inconvenient and dirty. Behold a new story in the heads of well meaning Christians, as they sit in their easy chairs and padded pews. No wonder the gullible are gobbling it up.

These nonessential issues are safe and easy; issues where nothing needs to be done, no one can touch your heart, and you can't touch others, allowing us to escape the hard work of compassion, avoid the pain of empathy, and not get one’s hands dirty; secure and safe in one’s bubble. All that needs to be done is to rail in judgement or hate against people on social media (our self-made echo chamber), sign petitions, and donate money; nothing personal, nothing face to face, no compassion needed, no relationships necessary. Those that are affected as victims by these issues are unavailable to one’s touch, words, and actions; arms length, safe and easy. No care, no compassion, no service except lip service from a distance. 

Christianity in America has sectioned itself off and segregated itself from those that Jesus said he came for; the outcasts and despised, the poor and downtrodden, the week and the weary, the lowly and forgotten, the unseen and unheard; THE SICK NOT THE HEALTHY. A friend of mine told me a story that she was in an adult Sunday school class and they had started a new topic, studying what the Bible says about the poor. When it was discussion time, they all turned to reach other and said, I don't know anyone that is poor, do you? The answer was"no" all the way around the room. Following what Jesus said and did or what the Bible says to do no longer matters. Just vote from the safe, secure, comfortable bubble. Incidentally, I have noticed a very distinct growth of the War on the Poor and Advocates for the Rich over subsequent years. I think they ceased to study the "poor" in the bible. It is easier. 

Vote for nonessential, unbiblical issues like anti-abortion, anti-immigrant, xenophobia, and homophobia. 

American Christians don't even know what the bible says about their own issues (?? just keep reading).

Primarily, I see that we have gutted (hollowed out) the real work of Christianity for the non-issues or anti-issues of abortion, immigration, and LGBTQIA equality. Currently it seems that Christianity is defined more by what it stands against than what it stands for. Rather than pro-life, it is anti-abortion. And may I suggest that those in power do not care about those issues? These issues are simply tools of manipulation to get a vote and maintain their base of support. Sometimes they end up being against the needs of the people unless there is multiple perspectives making those decisions. Here is an unfortunate example that is bad for both pro-life and pro-choice advocates.

Recently, a high court decision banned employers from being forced to provide birth control under the Affordable Care Act. Rather than being thought through, this seemed to be more of an anti-Obama move; and he isn't even president anymore! But that made it a victory, albeit thoughtless and mindless. If this would have been thought through for the sake of politics, anyone could see that if women use less birth control, then they will have more unwanted pregnancies; which in turn will almost guarantee more abortions. So this action of the administration works counterproductive to the goal of no abortions. Not very wise.

“There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.”
― Audre Lorde

True Pro Life = Advocating for Life

The belief that all life is sacred and deserves to be protected. One who is truly pro-life will oppose capital punishment, war, poverty, and all forms of physical or mental torture, domestic abuse, police brutality, and gun control. Such a person will see abortion as a tragedy for all involved, not a "reproductive right" to be celebrated - and will work to end abortion, not by force or intimidation, but by working to change the social and economic conditions that lead people to be so desperate as to have no choice but abortion.

It seems quite hypocritical that people might think that because a person identifies as pro-life, they would support such atrocities as capital punishment, pre-emptive war, racism, or violence against women.

The institution of Christianity was birthed in 313 AD in the womb of the power of empire and sustains itself in that same power as an arm of empire; progressively merging religion with the power and authority of politics as the power and authority of religion is trumped, stifled, and rendered meaningless. This struggle between revival and empire has continued for 2000 years. That's why America was founded. The founders fled the tyranny of religion in England so that they could be free to worship or not worship, believe or not believe in America. Check out the latest statistics of those that are religious and those that are no longer religious (the nones) in America and throughout the world.   https://www.pewforum.org/2019/10/17/in-u-s-decline-of-christianity-continues-at-rapid-pace/ 

Recently I was checking some statistics about American Christianity. In 2015, the country was 75% professing Christians. By 2019, it dropped to 65%. You may say, only 10% during Trump's presidency? And I say, yes, over 30,000,000 people have left Christianity in America. Not just the church, but these are people that can decidedly no longer identify as Christian. Who can blame them?

Following are the main three nonessential, fringe issues that Christianity has sold itself out to along with the misinterpreted scriptures that are being used as propaganda. These are fringe in the bible, in Jesus’ teachings, and in Christianity for 2000 years. But these are issues that powerful political players have been manipulating into the evangelical mainstream, not for the sake of these issues being important but for the sake of getting a vote. 

Immigration, Homosexuality, and Abortion

A Biblical and History Perspective

Keep in mind that in the bible, when there is something that is clearly against the Law of God, then there is always a commandment stating that. But there are no commandments stating:
1. Thou shalt build a wall to keep out the immigrants and the refugees. Fear them!
2. Thou shalt discriminate against homosexuals that are law abiding citizens. Fear them!
3. Thou shalt not commit abortion. Abortion is murder!

Unclenching the Fists

We come into this world with hands empty and open. 
We leave this world with hands empty and open. 
Yet we live our lives like things and people are ours to cling to and keep forever.

Living with Open Hands is an expression of an

Open Mind
Open Heart
Open Will

"Chase after money and security, 

and your heart will never unclench."

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching)

But first, we must See what it is that we clench,
since mostly we are unaware.

Then, we must pry open that clenched fist,
sometimes finger by finger.

There are so many things in so many ways at so many levels that we are clenching.
Sometimes it is our
expectations
hopes
dreams
goals
ideals
opinions
beliefs

One of the most subtle and yet powerful things that I learned to let go of is how I parent my kids. They are grown now, but I began to realize that it makes no sense for me to raise them to think and act like me, and yet I was. The more I realized this, the more I could let go of my parenting ideals and let them grow into the individuals that they were born to be. Instead of controlling them and making them angry at me as the enemy, I learned to listen to them, learn from them, and be an ally.

As long as they had good reasons
to do what they were doing or
to think what they were thinking or
to believe what they believed;
then I had to let them be... to become... on their own.
My own father did this for me also
so I had a role model to follow that I am grateful for.

“Our disasters come from letting nothing live for itself, from the longing we have to pull everything, even friends, into ourselves, and let nothing alone.” (Robert Bly)

Letting go | Krishnamurti

As I have been writing and writing, question after question, I continue to see that there are two ways to live life… with open hands or with clenched fists. First, I began to see the clenching; the things, the myriad of things that I was clinging to. Why was I holding so tightly to so many things? Nothing is permanent in this life. All is temporary? How do we live life when nothing lasts? Why do we hold on? But what am I holding on to if nothing I can grasps lasts? Is this not another illusion, another lie, another story in my head, sand in the hand, dust in the wind?

I wonder: “If I loose my grip… will I take flight?” (Bruce Cockburn)

We hold on to homes, cars, possessions. We hold on to our kids, our spouses, our friendships. Why do we hold so tightly to what will not last? Often suffocating what we love the most.

Again I say this:

“Our disasters come from letting nothing live for itself, from the longing we have to pull everything, even friends, into ourselves, and let nothing alone.” (Robert Bly)

What if we were to live life without holding on, like allowing the butterfly to light on our open palm without grasping it; leaving it free to fly away unharmed. Maybe everything in this life is as fragile and beautiful as a butterfly. Maybe, just maybe, if we allow it to just be, without grabbing it, it can continue to live its own life, unharmed by our grasp. Maybe, just maybe, we can marvel in wonder at its beauty, both as it sits in the open palm AND as it flies away… free to return… if it wishes.

Isn't this the way we must learn to appreciate all beauty? Why, when I see beauty, do I want to make it mine... take it home? Whether a material thing or a person? How often do we take something as beautiful as a friendship and get too serious, destroying the friendship?

This is how I feel about my kids and how much difference it made to parent without ego. Child-centered parenting. My kids have thanked me for allowing them to grow and blossom in their own ways and become what they were meant to be. I can't cling to being with them as they create their own lives. I can't focus on missing them because it is not about me. If I value them, I must let go and rejoice in the lives they are living.

What if we see each other as fragile beings
… in need of the freedom to sit with each other, or fly away?
… in need of the freedom to speak out, or be silent?
… in need of the freedom to just be, without being changed?
… in need of following the light we have been given?
… without judgement
… without coercion
… without manipulation

… without expectation?
… just being the person that I am?
What if???

How do I treat my money? … with open hands or with clenched fists?
How do I treat my material possessions? … with open hands or with clenched fists?
How do I treat my career? … with open hands or with clenched fists?
How do I react to what another person says? … with open hands or with clenched fists?
How do I treat someone I disagree with? … with open hands or with clenched fists?
How do I interact with people of other religious beliefs? … with open hands or with clenched fists?
How do I get along with people of political beliefs that I don’t agree with? … with open hands or with clenched fists?

How do I act with other human beings? … with peace or with violence?
Does it have to be MY way?
Do I HAVE to be right?
 I wonder why we cannot seem to live at peace with all people?
 I wonder why religious people seem to be the worst offenders?

I tried to capture some of the story of letting go and letting come in these blog posts
"What I've Learned From My Kids"
https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/2016/06/19/what-ive-learned-from-my-kids/
"Raising Kids Alone"
https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/raising-kids-alone/ 

NO FIXING, NO SAVING, NO ADVISING, NO SETTING EACH OTHER STRAIGHT

Another way that we so often clench our fists is seen in the way we want to fix others. If a friend or child or someone I work with has an issue that they need support with, why do we try to control them and tell them what to do rather than support them as an ally willing to listen and seek understanding? 

Much of the wisdom that I learned for parenting comes from Parker Palmer's teaching on Circles of Trust in his book A Hidden Wholeness. Some of those ideas are in these blog posts:

https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/ground-rules-for-a-circle-of-trust/ 

https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/circles-of-trust/

“When you speak to me about your deepest questions, you do not want to be fixed or saved: you want to be seen and heard, to have your truth acknowledged and honored. If your problem is soul-deep, your soul alone knows what you need to do about it, and my presumptuous advice will only drive your soul back (into hiding) into the woods. So the best service I can render when you speak to me about such a struggle is to hold you faithfully in a space where you can listen to your inner teacher. 

“But holding you that way takes time, energy, and patience. As the minutes tick by, with no outward sign that anything is happening for you, I start feeling anxious, useless, and foolish, and I start thinking about all the other things I have to do. Instead of keeping the space between us open for you to hear your soul, I fill it up with advice, not so much to meet your needs as to assuage my anxiety and get on with my life. Then I can disengage from you, a person with a troublesome problem, while saying to myself, ‘I tried to help’. I walk away feeling virtuous. You are left feeling unseen and unheard.” (pp. 117-118)

Being Open to Me

A reminder to myself…

We tend to beat ourselves up over our imperfections because we are culturally conditioned to do so. The nature of conditioning is that often we do not even know we are doing it. Conditioning sustains itself through its own invisibility.

We are human and we cannot change who we are. We can only accept ourselves as we are and move forward. Actually, accepting ourselves as we are is the first step to moving forward. If we do not fully accept ourselves, then we cannot accept others either.

‘Homo sum, humani nil a me alienum puto. I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me.’ That’s one thing I’m learning.” ~ Maya Angelou

Our judgmental thinking is a constant and hard-wired into us. Thought has a mind of its own. We

must learn to pay attention to our thoughts and observe them. We are constantly making assumptions, judging, labeling, categorizing ourselves and others. Thought constantly is creating an image of ourselves and of others. Then thought tells us that this is the way the world really is, without reminding us that these stories in our heads are just that, stories in our heads. We are caught in a viscous cycle of thought creating the world and then saying, I didn’t do it. We are automatonic illusion machines with thought running away with reality, especially in the middle of the night.

So how do we begin? First we accept and love ourselves unconditionally. Then we guard our hearts by paying attention to our thoughts and the tricks they are playing. This requires time alone in silence. It is a discipline.

The Violence of the Machine

I AM what I AM.

I AM a man of peace and justice.

I AM a man of equality and community.

Trying to live a life of integrity and simplicity.

I AM what I AM.

This is my identity.

How does a man of peace

Live while being swallowed up

By the violence of the machine?

A machine of our own making.

A machine that by its own nature

Must carry on and on and on

Institutionalized within our culture

With us being good little cogs

In the machine.

The machine must work

as it casts out the outcasts

Spewing the broken

and the misfits.

Into the margins go

The poor and downtrodden

The battered and the bruised

The tattered and the torn

The shattered and shocked;

Occupying the margins of society.

A sort of fringe landfill of people

Invisible and voiceless

Because they are useless,

Meaningless, pointless to the machine.

The Sacred and the Profane

Can the sacred be contained within the time and space of our limited, dualistic perceptions of reality?

Is the sacred something that is out there somewhere? Something I need to seek and hope to find; somehow, somewhere, someday?

Or does it permeate all things as foundational to our existence similar to light, gravity, and consciousness?

Could it be that the sacred is within, available and accessible at any time and any place?

Is it transformational as we choose to access it's power?

“There are no unsacred places; 

there are only sacred places and desecrated places.”

   ― Wendell Berry, Given

Rainer Maria Rilke said, "I am too alone, yet not alone enough to make every moment holy". 

(Holy = set aside for a specific sacred purpose)

Berry refers to the sacred within space.
Rilke refers to the sacred within time.

But is this too confining, too defining, too limited and bounded by that which is  limitless and boundless, beyond time and space??? Or maybe the holy and sacred include all of these with time and space enfolded within it.

“Space is not empty. It’s full. It is the ground for the existence of everything, including ourselves”

– David Bohm

I have been thinking, wondering, and contemplating these words, sacred and profane, for about 10 years, maybe longer. I’ve been struck with the sense that our understanding of these concepts falls so far short of the richness, wisdom, and daily guidance they could bring. We use them flippantly and mindlessly in a very narrow religious sense. For instance, using sacred to refer to certain places that look religious, or certain times and rituals initiated by a religious hierarchy. And we use the word profanity as something that refers to words, especially the use of “God” or "Jesus" to express our anger as a curse, that are self defined family by family, church by church, culture by culture.

The deeper I go, the bigger these words get. The depth and breadth of these two words seem to go as deep and wide as my mind can go. Actually, more and more, they have guided me in life; daily, moment by moment to the point that I think we as a society unconsciously and unintentionally live lives full of profanity interwoven throughout every day.

Within each moment lies life and death, sacred and profane, the holy and the desecrated.

We choose how to live each moment.

“There is the beauty of love, beauty of compassion. And also there is the beauty of a clean street, of good architectural form of a building; there is beauty of a tree, a lovely leaf, the great big branches. To see all that is beauty; not merely to go to museums and talk everlastingly about beauty. The silence of a quiet mind is the essence of that beauty. Because it is silent and because it is not the plaything of thought, then in that silence there comes that which is indestructible, which is sacred. In the coming of that which is sacred then life becomes sacred, your life becomes sacred, our relationship becomes sacred, everything becomes sacred because you have touched that thing that is sacred.” (Krishnamurti)

In 2011, I wrote a blog post about these words (https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/2011/07/03/the-sacred-and-the-profane/) as they took root in the silence of a Quaker Worship Meeting where we sit for an hour in silence. In those Meetings there was what they called “vocal ministry” when a person in the meeting might stand and speak a word of inspiration that was deeply stirring them. It was one of the few times I spoke during the Meeting. I remember vocalizing that I had a sense of this space being sacred. There was a deep sacredness that is not there all the time. But at certain points over time, the group gets a sense of what is called “gathered worship" where we all feel a sacredness within and between us enveloping us with Light, warmth, peace, and connection. I wondered out loud, in my vocal ministry, what that was. Was it something that comes and goes within me or is it something anchored in (and beyond) the time and place of the Meeting for Worship? Simultaneously, I began wondering about profanity and what that might really mean in a deeper sense. I think that apart from the silence, none of this would have occurred to me. Much of my thinking was still caught up in dogma, my past conditioning and what I've been told. Those voices kept speaking to me about the sacred and profane being anchored in space and time. But I could tell there was something new emerging that, as so often happens, I could not have understood earlier in my formation because I did not yet have the discernment and experience to grasp such things.

For the last 13 years, I’ve been blogging my journey, sorting through the trash and treasures, the conditioning that was cluttering my mind. But during that time, I had a very religious, Christian approach to my understanding, my thinking, and my writing. I guess that is because I strongly identified as a Christian and had done so for almost 50 years. In the last couple of years, I have felt impelled to let go of all of the dogmatic thinking that came with my cultural Christianity and  conditioning. As part of this concerted effort of sorting things out and going deeper, I started a new blog, this one (https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/), where I can speak more freely without offending my religious blog followers, Christian friends, and family with my honesty.

Now as I look back, what I wrote 10 years ago was both profound and thin, deep and shallow. I have grown way past that thinking. And something I noticed was that the words in that post were in some ways profane. My use of “god” is something that I have gradually lessened since then because the word god has been made meaningless in this day and age, in the context within which I exist. Religious language and dogma blocks quality conversations, deeper thinking, and greater understanding. People use it flippantly and mindlessly, or as a weapon for violence, or they use it to beat others into submission or into thinking like me. Through the process of sorting out the sacred and the profane in my life, my eyes have opened to how Christians throw around religious language (Christianese).

Words have been weaponized by Christians to convert the lost, to manipulate, to create guilt, and to brag about their own righteousness or say a righteous public prayer. Some of the flippant use of Christianese is what I see as permeating almost every conversation with words and phrases like “praise god”, I’m praying for you, bless you, Jesus this or Jesus that. God this or God that. The sun is out, "praise God," it is cloudy, "pray for the sun to come out," someone is sick, "I'll pray for healing," someone dies, "he is in a better place," "God's got a plan," and on and on. I could take a notepad to most gatherings of Christians and get a slew and slurry of religious language. But why would a Christian need to use all of these religious words and phrases with those that are already "saved" or converted? And why would a Christian use religious language that is often offensive or at least meaningless to those that are not converted Christians. And why convert anyone since it requires that we dominate others that are better, think better, believe better, than them? Christianese is frivolous use of language that is supposed to be used carefully and thoughtfully in meaningful contexts. Anytime faith and religion is used to dominate and control rather than uplift and inspire others, it has become weaponized and violent, profane and desecrated.

For me, profanity means using something sacred for mundane or meaningless uses, usually we overuse it without even realizing it. Unconscious usage of Christianese I think is also included under profane as well as any dogmatic (I'm right... you're wrong or I know... and you don't or repent and act like me) language that looks down on others; discriminating, judging, labeling in ways that elevate myself or my perfect religion. Anytime we dominate others in this way, it is a form of violence and violence is a form of profanity. For me, this is the mindless use of language that is profane. It assumes a superior stance and that others need to hear your dogma because of your superiority. And if the attempt at conversion is done with one’s language then one’s hands can be washed of any guilt of that person being lost and going to hell. "They should have listened to me and my righteousness."

I long for simple human conversations without trauma-trigger words giving testimony to the righteousness of self or the unrighteousness of the other. Even well-intentioned, damage is done whenever another person is oppressed through power and domination, even if it is an illusion or unintentional. Oppression occurs even when a person feels oppressed or preached at.

For me, whenever I use the word god in my writing, I feel a sense of profanity. I assume that the person that might read what I write will automatically know what I mean. We throw that word around like we think we know what it means and like we think we know how others understand it, and that they understand it just like me. And yet words can never contain that which is sacred and boundless, infinite and limitless. Yet we think we can flippantly label this??? Presumptuous to say the least. Profane to say it more clearly.

These two things keep coming to mind for those that do believe in God and think that God can be contained in words:

St. Augustine (354 - 430 AD) has this to say:
“What then, brethren, shall we say of God?
For if thou hast been able to understand what thou wouldest say, it is not God.
If thou hast been able to comprehend it, thou hast comprehended something else instead of God.
If thou hast been able to comprehend him as thou thinkest, by so thinking thou hast deceived thyself.
This then is not God, if thou hast comprehended it; but if this be God, thou has not comprehended it.”

And Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968) has this to say:
“If nothing that can be seen can either be God or represent Him to us as He is,
then to find God we must pass beyond everything that can be seen and enter into darkness.
Since nothing that can be heard is God, to find Him we must enter into silence.”
(Seeds of Contemplation, p. 131)

Note: I find it very interesting that the two main traits of God are his silence and his invisibility, which does not lend itself to any kind of personal relationship.

I used to seek to have religious conversations for many years. But I'm finding that as I deepen my understanding, I find that religious dogma and talk get in the way of quality conversations; connecting with others on a deeper, human, heart to heart level. I learned this more and more as I became friends with people from an interfaith group (Buddhist, Pagan, Wiccan, Hindu, Quaker). I've always thought I sought out diversity in so many ways (racial, ethnic, economic, disability, etc), but I started to see that there is more than just visible differences. I needed to expand my diversity to people that think and believe differently, invisible diversity. That's a form of diversity that I needed. It has been enriching to get to know many atheists, nontheists, ignostics, agnostics,  theological non-cognitivists, and skeptics. Too often dogma needs to be cleared away in order to have conversations that matter about things of the heart with all people... because all people matter.

The link below is a post where I tried to describe further what I am referring to here. Too often we create god in our image or we label things that are real but beyond our understanding with the word “god”. God has become a default or knee-jerk label. And yet again, this is a perfect example of profanity; using our words to talk about that which we think we know but cannot know. I think the bible refers to it as idolatry for Christians.   https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-image-of-god.html

If we dive in further, the words sacred and profane broaden and deepen, giving more and more guidance for daily living. I suggest this understanding.

A Sacred Life = making the ordinary (in all of life’s moments) sacred. (mindfulness, awareness, appreciation, wonder, awe)

A Profane Life = making the sacred (in all of life’s moments) ordinary. (thoughtlessness, apathy, familiarity, mundane, taken for granted, desecrated)

I think that the sacred and the profane lie dormant in each situation and opportunity.

The sacred and the profane go far beyond just time and space though.

I think this includes all of our relationships in life:
with people, with ourselves, with the earth, and with all that is greater than us.

I think we are in the process or habit of desecrating these relationships, all of which are meant to be sacred.

A good example is our interactions within our family unit. Are we fully engaged during every interaction with our spouse or our children? Or are we tuned out, preoccupied, apathetic; creating profanity in our wake.

All we have is this present moment, nothing else. The past is gone. The future is coming. But the only thing we have any control over is here and now. And yet, our thoughts are mostly occupied with the past (regret, guilt, shame) and the future (worry, desire, expectation). Our heads are full of stories and voices, illusions and fictions. Whenever we do that, we miss the present moment. And when we miss it, it is gone forever. THIS is in many ways, the ultimate profanity. We throw away or let slip away all that which is sacred; casting pearls to the swine.

In my post from 2011, I continued to ask these questions that I am still seeking an answer:

Is the sacred something out there… or something within? Maybe the sacred is the fire that gives light and meaning to the ordinary. Maybe the sacred is something that I bring to life; to every encounter, to every moment, to every word, to every action, to every reaction. Maybe the sacred calls to me and demands of me to create meaning in each day, each hour, each minute, each breath. Maybe the sacred is a deep calling on my life to live out the purpose that is innate, using the gifts I came here with… making a difference.

Not missing everything...

Not missing anything…

Being fully present

Identifying purpose

in each moment,

each situation,

each encounter;

… infusing each with the fire of the sacred.

In every encounter we have in life with people or situations, we walk away changed. We continue on as a different person, for the better or not.

If the sacred is a way of identifying how I live my life, what I do with the ordinary things of life; then what is the profane?

Could it be that any time I disrespect or disregard the sacred, then I am demonstrating profanity; living out a desecration of life?

Is it possible that profanity (like violence) is much deeper than the religious sense of a swear word, using God’s name in vain, or talking bad about the church or the bible.

What about any time we violate the identity or integrity of another person? This is a definition of violence. This is simultaneously another iteration of profanity.

Could profanity be contained in a reaction? A look? An attitude? A thoughtless act? A turning away… from anything or anyone that I am called to pay attention to. A looking down on anyone that I deem lesser than me and my righteousness.

With new eyes, I now read these definitions:

Definition of SACRED

1: dedicated or set apart for the service or worship of a deity

2: devoted exclusively to one service or use (as of a person or purpose)

3. worthy of awe and respect

Definition of PROFANE

1. to treat (something sacred) with abuse, irreverence, or contempt: desecrate

2. to debase by a wrong, unworthy, or vulgar use

3. an act of violence: to violate the identity or integrity of self or others

Related to PROFANE

Synonyms: abase, bastardize, canker, cheapen, corrupt, debauch, degrade, demean, demoralize, deprave, deteriorate, lessen, pervert, poison, debase, prostitute, subvert, vitiate, warp

Antonyms: elevate, ennoble, uplift

The words that jumped out at me as synonyms of profane are not the extreme words but the subtle words: CHEAPEN and LESSEN.

I must weigh in my heart, each moment of each day, whether I am entering into that moment with sacredness or with profanity. Do I honor and value life and my purpose here or do I cheapen and lessen it???

Each moment of each day, I must choose the sacred or the profane, life or death, peace or violence.

In my life, is the sacred the fire, the passion, the light that gives life and purpose to EVERYTHING; EVERYWHERE, EVERYDAY? Or not?

“Oh love that fires the sun, keep me burning.” (Bruce Cockburn lyrics)

What if?

Over the past couple of years, I have become more and more nontheist. The word god and the concept of god has had less and less meaning for me in my life. It is nothing more than a label projecting human characteristics onto that which I do not and cannot understand. It is just not at all useful. The reason is that I believe that we use the label "god" to describe that which we cannot understand because we can't "not know". We use it so that we can speak and act like we do understand (which is a lie). I know that there is that which is greater that me. I know that there is an energy and force that not only is the creative force of the universe but also that holds the universe together. I know there are great mysteries and many things beyond my understanding but I believe that most people out of ignorance and often sheer laziness just plaster labels on those things that we cannot understand or that are different than us. We used to believe in the god of the river and the god of the storm, or Mother Earth, Zeus, Apollo, Ares, Mars, Venus, Pluto, because we were afraid of the power that we saw and felt better when we could label it, obey it, and worship it, just like we label people that are different; that have disabilities or are of different faiths, or ethnicities, or races. Labeling works to assuage our confusion or fears of the unknown, and has a very practical use at times, especially in the grocery store or even more so in the toilet paper aisle.

So... What if?

I think we label things we don't understand and I believe this is another form of profanity. We use labels meaninglessly because we refuse to take the time to go within and understand that which is available to us to understand; what I call "innerwork". What if there is a sacredness within each of us AND between us all AND throughout all of the universe??? What if god is the connection and we are just labeling something so great and beyond our understanding just so that we can feel better about our ignorance? What if we are creating god in our image and giving god all of the best of human characteristics (anthropomorphism) so that we do not fear god or so that we can always have that listening invisible friend that we have always longed for? What if the sacred is parallel to light and consciousness? These all exist outside of space and time, material objects and energy according to physics. What if it is out of this sacredness, this Light, this cosmic consciousness that all things come. What if this is the quantum field from which everything that is enfolded, unfolds? What if this is the Source? Our Ground of Being??? The Implicate Order (beyond and below all) within which is enfolded all that may unfold into the Explicate Order of time and space within which we live and move and have our being, here and now.

What if the Sacred means fulfilling the identity and purpose that we as human creatures individually and uniquely create; and living it out, here and now, in each action, in each reaction, in each interaction, in each relationship???