Structural Incoherence

 The Dissonance of Structural Incoherence

Things that were Too Obvious to Consider Kept Ringing in my Head, year after year

These questions have been dangling in my face, ringing in my ears; voices in my head all my life, usually just below my own consciousness; patiently waiting for the noise to subside, the murkiness to settle, both internally and externally. 

Far too often we lie to ourselves because this faith of our fathers is “Too Big To Fail.” We need it to be true! So we lie and don’t even know it.

I  knew I needed a creative outlet and a way to work through the growing dissonance in my head and heart that is like the tinnitus that I now experience in my ears 24/7. The sound of 10,000 cicadas in my head.

Thus began my journey of structural and foundational coherence and integration to resolve the constant dissonance I've felt for many years.

Dissonance: "a tension or clash resulting from the combination of two disharmonious or unsuitable elements." The constant ringing of the dissonance, between reality and all things I’ve been told to believe, was both a distant siren (an alarm) and a siren song (an irresistible magnet) that I heeded by writing. 

Incoherence: When the basic tenets of faith and religion do not align with my lived experience and universal laws of nature and of reality. AND when our ways of thinking do not produce the results that we are looking for, then our thinking is incoherent.

Structural: When lack of coherence is deeply woven into the very fabric of a society both individually and collectively, both in our cultural systems and our individual thinking processes.

Structural Incoherence then refers to a lack of coherence subconsciously interwoven throughout our lives to the extent that we aren't even aware that it is driving us and causing the havoc and chaos of constant dissonance.

Coherence: When our thinking and our actions produce the results that we want. Rather than insanity which is doing the same things over and over expecting a different result, we must stop and discern what is wrong. What is the incoherence that prevails.

Integrity: Similarly, integrity means that our soul and our role are one, our beliefs and our values are seen in our words and our actions. Integration is necessary so that dis-integration does not cause us to disintegrate into incoherence.

Following is a list of points of structural incoherence: contradictions that I have not been able to resolve.

> How can we be created in the “image of god” and yet become the most disgusting creatures on earth in the eyes of the creator, even after being proclaimed good, along with all of creation? So disgusting and worthless that the ultimate destination for a vast number of people is eternal torture... for such a worm as I.

> Why is almost all of creation going to hell because of the design and decisions of a hidden god/creator that has two main attributes: invisibility and silence; refusing to be revealed as is necessary in every and all relationships?

> How can this god say that love is priority and yet not be willing to demonstrate the most important thing; show up and express oneself. How would that work in a human relationship?

> How can we think we know the only answers that are true to all of life better than all other people on earth if we are so disgusting, imperfect, fallen, and broken, needing to be spoon-fed the truth as secondhand human beings?

> The problem with any holy book proclaiming to be the word of god - infallible, inspired and inerrant - is that it contradicts the nature of language and words since a word is a mental concept and construct that can never be the reality itself but only a sign and symbol pointing toward reality. Words can never be reality nor absolute truth. Human language and words are not designed that way. Words are concepts or stories that are created by thought; little stories in our heads. 

> Thought and the human mind cannot ascertain the eternal. Thought is limited by its own concepts and conceptions, images and ideas. The human mind’s limited function is to conceptualize god or create an image of god in our head. The problem is that worshiping any graven image, whether mental or physical, violates the second commandment of that very god. Exodus 20:3: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."

> Romans 1:20 “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” I used to believe this by lying to myself and giving myself no excuse. And such guilt it produced. It is different when my first impulse is no longer to lie to myself but rather to ask honest questions and to tell the truth and follow the truth wherever it may lead. So far, the only attributes that god has revealed is invisibility and silence. If “god so loves the world” and the greatest of all commandments is love to god and neighbor, then how can this hidden god demand a relationship of love without direct revelation? And how can this god hold in judgement humans that will not believe invisibility or silence, i.e. “nothing?” This god won't bother to uphold the other part of the relationship, as required in any and all relationships? Invisibility and silence is a violation of the most basic foundation of all relationships. In other words, relationship is not possible except in our imagination.

> If god is not able to provide direct revelation required for direct relationship, then that god

cannot be omnipotent.

If that god is not willing and refuses to provide direct revelation required for direct relationship, then that god cannot be omnibenevolent.

If that god doesn’t realize the priority and importance of direct revelation required for direct relationship, then that god cannot be omniscient.

If such a god does not know his own creatures’ needs enough to realize the dire necessity of visual and auditory revelation required for relationship, then that god cannot be omnipresent.

I must then conclude that this god cannot be god and that this god is nothing but a human construct, a religious concept, and a mental graven image that exists only as a story in the collective mind of humanity and the culture they create.

And yet my mind is wide open to a solution on how this whole religion thing might really work without totally violating the laws of heaven and earth: i.e. laws of logic, relationships, language, creation, nature, universe, and reality. As we all know, there are a thousand reasons for religion throughout the world.

> Since irritation, annoyance, insults, and offenses are points of weakness and vulnerability for humans, why does it seem that the god of the universe is so often annoyed by those that he created in his image? (self-described in his own holy book) (See Behold Thy God)

> Since being angry and jealous are negative character traits of weakness, why does god so often describe himself as angry and jealous and even boast about it? (self-described in his own holy book) (See Behold Thy God)

> And by the way, why was god so angry all the time? God is the one that created us? Was creation a failure? Why didn’t god start over if it was that bad? Wouldn't that have better than God's torture chamber he supposedly uses now. (See Behold Thy God)

> We all know that a bully is a weak-minded, insecure being that uses violence to intimidate, dominate, and control others. So why does the attributes and self descriptions of god in his word use these interactions with man to control, destroy, or force submission when man is created as a thinking being with free will that can choose to love and do the right thing? After all, the key to all relationships is love that is unselfish and willing. And the key to all of life is love. (See Behold Thy God)

> It is interesting that the true believers use guilt and coercion rather than love. Is this because of bad role modeling from above?

> Why do I feel like I am instructing god here about doing the right thing and loving unconditionally? This puts humans in a very awkward position as teachers of the gods.

> When I study the bible, I see at least 4 different gods described, or self described since the bible is god's word:

1. the god of creation that seems excited to be revealed to mankind and who proclaimed to all of creation, "It is good!" Jesus replied, “I tell you, . . . if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out” (Luke 19:40). in Psalm 114:6, the mountains leap. Isaiah 55:12 says, “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” 

2. the god of the 10 commandments that was full of thunder and lightning, overcome with all consuming anger; killing those who looked at this fury and murdering those who worshipped graven images while waiting for Moses; then later causing genocide with a flood. This god then reemerged for the book of Revelation and the grand finale.

3. the god of the minor prophets at the end of the old testament that seemed to be settling down, gaining control of his anger, and beginning to treat humans decently. It is almost like he had a plan.

4. the god of jesus who had a plan to finally fix the mess that this world was in. The twist is that instead of blaming the creator, blame was placed on all humans for their disgusting sinfulness that god could not even look upon. The plan was that god was no longer one god as has been proclaimed throughout history but was now three so that god #1 could send god #2, his son to die to cover up the mess that was made and blame it on humans. Oh yeah. This of course came out of the well established idea of killing living sacrifices, both animal and human that was so prevalent in the Jewish religion and in all of the other religions with their many gods throughout that time in history.

> This evolution of god is very interesting. Either there are 4 gods with each one taking over from the previous god or there was a god that grew and changed and matured. The thing is this. If a thing or being is perfect, then it cannot change or improve. It cannot first be perfect and then be not perfect requiring it to change. Either it is perfect and never changes. Or it is not perfect. OR it is a series of better gods taking over for each other as each fails creation.

> Why is it that when we see humans as fallen, broken sinners, then they act like it? Case in point, observe Christianity over the past 5 years in America as it followed its bully president into darkness and destruction. Why is it that when we see and treat people as good, then they act good as if they were created in a divine image as part of a creation where the creator proclaimed, “it is good!”? A self fulfilling prophecy is what it is called. Adults that learn and that are worthy human beings are taught and trained to treat others as they want to be treated. They make better parents, teachers, civil servants, grandparents, leaders, and on and on.

> Since you ask so much of us, why can’t we sit down and have a one to one conversation with you like we would with our friends? Is there something you are afraid of?

> Is it vain and self-indulgent to insist that we praise and heap worship on you and is it a need that an omnipotent god would have? Why?

> Why do you refuse to sit down and answer our questions that are so critical to reality, truth, meaning, purpose, and understanding?

> Would it be so hard to indulge us with a monthly or yearly fireside chat???

> It is one thing to say to someone thousands of years ago that you care and have them write it in a script of which we have no original, only copies; making it hearsay. It is another thing to tangibly SHOW that you care like in any relationship. Invisibility and silence is no longer acceptable. 

> Gendered god??? One of the first incoherences that I realized when I was younger is that if there is a god, then that god cannot be male or female for many reasons. One reason is that god is not human and there was no male or female prior to humanity. The primary reason though for me is that supposedly god created both male and female in god’s image. Therefore, if humans came from god, then both males and females are images of a god that is neither male nor female. I think calling god he/him/his is a patriarchal blindspot deeply embedded in our own language, speaking and reminding us of the dominance of males without saying a word. In other words, our default concept of god is inherently sexist implying a foundational relationship of the oppressor and the oppressed; i.e. structural inequality. So in order for me to avoid carrying on this deeply insulting insinuation of both god and those created in god’s image, I need to begin to watch the pronouns that I use so that I do not carry on such domination, which is simply a subtle form of violence.

See "What are God's pronouns? How the church today is (or isn't) gendering God."   https://religionnews.com/2021/11/18/what-are-gods-pronouns-how-the-church-today-is-or-isnt-gendering-god

> "The almighty’s genderless. The Lakota refer to our Creator as Wakan Tanka — “the Great Mystery.” Because only a misogynistic, male centric religion assigns a gender to their “god.” @lakotaman1 

Plus 10,000 other things… still coming

Too Big To Fail

 Too Big To Fail

"We're still under the weight of this impression that the ocean is too big to fail, that the planet is too big to fail." - Author: Sylvia Earle

“I don't really understand why there needs to be so much tension about this. The country is facing the worst economy since the Great Depression. If the financial system collapses, it will take every one of you down.” PAUL GIAMATTI 

 "Too big to fail" describes a business or business sector deemed to be so deeply ingrained in a financial system or economy that its failure would be disastrous to the economy. Too Big to Fail Definition - Investopedia

 

“If a financial institution is too big to fail, it is too big to exist.” - Author: Bernie Sanders

“I'm really concerned that too-big-to-fail has become too-big-for-trial.” - Author: Elizabeth Warren

 

What if other types of systems and institutions can become so big and strong that they are “unfailable” in our minds because if they were to fail, they would bring down individuals and communities with them. The term began with banks but can also refer to public, private, nonprofit, for profit, religious institutions, as well as political institutions like democracy, capitalism, socialism, communism, marxism, or any totalitarian or authoritarian government. Even whole countries are not too big to fail. They are all human constructs, nothing more than stories we conjured up in our heads. https://www.npr.org/sections/money/2021/01/19/957240511/why-nations-fail-america-edition 

Fragile States Index

“The country which saw the largest year-on-year worsening in their total score in the 2021 FSI is the United States. Over the past year, the US saw the largest protests in the country’s history in response to police violence which were often met by a heavy-handed state reaction along with sustained efforts to delegitimize the election process, which escalated violently in early 2021. Despite the country’s abundant material wealth and an advanced health system, political polarization, a lack of social cohesion, Congressional gridlock, and misinformation contributed to a failed response that left over 350,000 dead by the end of the year and a steeper contraction in GDP than any time in the past 60 years.”

"If there’s one thing that 2020 taught us it’s that if we prepare for a health crisis as if it were only a health crisis, then we miss the boat. We learned that when a shock hits, as important as a strong economy might be; or even a good health system, or infrastructure, a necessary precondition for resilience is a stock of social capital. A country that cannot take collective action, a population that cannot make shared sacrifices, a country where there’s no collective buy-in to a national strategy, cannot be resilient, no matter how good the economy is or how many doctors or ventilators you might have." (Nate Haken, Programs Director)

Check out this staggering list of sovereign nations that no longer exist: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_former_sovereign_states 

 

The thing we tend to forget is that things, ideas, and people can become too big to fail in our minds. It is a story we tell ourselves, a story we want desperately to believe. The story then directs our lives. But the reality is that nothing is too big to fail, nothing is too fixed to fail, nothing is too absolute to fail, because nothing is certain, absolute, or fixed; everything is temporary, uncertain, and eventually it’ll all pass away. 

When Institutions Become Too Big To Fail

All my life, I’ve worked in public institutions like education, nonprofit institutions that provide services for people with disabilities or at risk youth, I’ve sat on boards of small grass roots organizations working toward peace and justice, community development, housing development for the poor, neighborhood organizations, and church boards that were focused on social justice. Everything I did, I considered to be my life ministry. I saw myself as developing potential and creating capacity for both individuals and communities. I never made much money and retirement is sparse but adequate. And my life has been fulfilling and very satisfying as I see the fruits of my labor in so many directions. Even though the money I made was sparse, especially as a single parent, money was still the bottom line of sustainability for all of these organizations. After all, this is America! Actually, as I grew older, wiser, and more aware in my work, I started to see the “principalities, powers, and politics” that underlie everything that each organization did. That is the same for all of life. Even though they are nonprofit organizations and their primary focus is to provide a specific good work and needed service, without money sustaining that good work, this is impossible.

I worked for 25 years in special education and then another 15 years working with adults with disabilities. As my eyes and mind opened, I could see the power structures behind the espoused priorities and how easily these espoused priorities became submerged under hidden agendas that always tied the work back to money. Bottom line is not so much whether we are doing high quality good work as much as whether we can afford to do high quality good work. Without funding, staff are cut and those left are running on burnout day after day. Without funding, there can be no development and progress toward high quality and best practices. Too often we ended up with organizations that were only able to prop themselves up enough to maintain jobs for key staff, nothing more than a straw man without the guts to do the real work. There had to be constant diligence to keep our eyes on the ball so that we could provide that good and needed work that was their reason for existence.

Due to the fact that capitalism, even with all the good it does, cannot provide for all the needs of communities and generate a profit, as is required by law for for-profit companies. So anytime we need to provide goods or services that are not profitable, then legally we must create what we call nonprofit organizations so we can organize human, financial, and community resources to make us stronger together to do the work that is needed in our communities. But what I began to see underlying these nonprofit organizations is what I call “institutional behavior” meaning the less visible, behind-the-scenes forces that drive organizations; the money motive. Although these organizations exist visibly in our communities, often what is behind the curtain, pulling the strings, is institutionalization that has as its sole purpose, staying alive, i.e. sustaining itself, no matter what it takes. 

As I got closer to systems of power within these institutions, there was often a real ugliness that would keep grinding us under like a machine. Have you ever studied institutions that housed or warehoused people with disabilities for a long time? Have you ever seen teachers that have lost the passion for teaching and for kids and that only work for summer break and for retirement? It became very clear to me that educational institutions exist, not to educate children for the sake of children but to provide jobs for the sake of teachers and administrative staff. Now that institutions have been eliminated for people with disabilities, have you ever known people with disabilities that live in group homes and have services provided in large congregate settings? These mini-institutions are the way that financial sustainability through economies of scale could be accomplished. Have you ever really listened to those people and their sense of being lost in a life that is meaningless due to the extent of the isolation and loneliness, voicelessness and powerlessness they live with everyday due to being grouped together for the convenience and efficiency of providing services that are medically necessary? Sadder still is when the congregate day programs started being eliminated leaving people without their only outlet to get out of their homes and interact with peers because they were never a part of their own communities.

When Banks Become Too Big To Fail

“The banks that each of you gentlemen cater to have been allowed to become too big. Not too big to fail, as you have said in the past, but destined to fail because they are too big.” (Author: Kenneth Eade)

In a very similar vein, in the for-profit realm, I’ve noticed the parallels with the great recession of 2008 that was primarily caused by the financial institutions that had become TOO BIG TO FAIL. Just like nonprofit organizations that I worked for, our community depended often symbiotically on the goods and services supported by these monolithic institutions. They had become so institutionalized and embedded in our communities that if they were to fail, we perceived that our communities would fail. If I remember correctly, this bailout included other industries like the automotive industry. After all, we cannot live without our money or our cars in America.

“When the long slow deregulation of the banking industry allowed some of our wealthiest lending institutions to venture into high risk speculative investments and exponentially lucrative derivative markets until, like a rubber band reaching its maximum strength and then snapping, the whole industry nearly collapsed upon itself instead of holding those banks responsible for reckless lending practices and for cooking the books and inventing trillions of imaginary dollars out of nothing, the governments of the world just forgave them and looked the other way. And precisely the moment they should have been punished for high crimes of finance, these banks got handouts and were told, ‘Try to be more careful next time okay?’ What's going on here?

“What happened here was that those banks whose assets make up such a sizable portion of the world's wealth that their failure could spell the doom of the whole system were deemed ‘too big to fail.’ It's not that it's impossible for them to fold and go broke, rather it's that allowing that to happen would have such dire consequences that the system had decided it cannot allow it to happen. Governments depend on their lending, companies depend on their assets, and consumers depend on their financial products. The tentacles of these banks have been so deep and so wide around the world that allowing them to fail could spell the collapse of some of the most basic goods and services on which modern society has come to depend.

“Obviously this introduces a major conflict of interest between governments and the banking industry. Those legal institutions which are supposed to watch over the banking industry cannot really do their job impartially because this is the hand that feeds them. Trillions of dollars can be flushed down the toilet and hundreds of thousands of jobs can be lost yet no one is held responsible because punishing those behind it could significantly restrict the entire world's economy. So they just kept doing what they were doing, playing around with trillions like it's play money and leaving those of us at the bottom of the food chain to suffer the worst of the consequences from all the folded businesses and consolidated competition.”

Just like there is a huge parallel between nonprofits, public, and for-profit organizations, this also extends to religious organizations. How much corruption; financially, spiritually, intellectually, and morally, has been overlooked because those religious institutions were too big to fail? What would be lost if they failed? How much of our communities might crumble if these stalwarts were to fail? All of these organizations are the way that we organize and sustain civilization. These too-big-to-fail organizations are the glue that holds together civilization itself, or so we think. Personally, I don’t think we can allow our foundations to rot through corruption because even though we have sustained those foundations so far, they are crumbling anyway, although slowly and less visibly, through the incoherent rot of their own demise.

Anyway, this brings us to the main point of this blog post. What happens when BELIEFS BECOME TOO BIG TO FAIL???

When Beliefs Become Too Big To Fail

“My standard one-liner for when someone asks me what I think about the afterlife, I say, ‘I’m for it!’ But the fact that I’m for it doesn’t make it true. In fact, the more passionately we want something to be true, the more skeptical we need to be of those beliefs because we know how powerful these powerful biases are and they lead us to find evidence for what we want to be true.” (Michael Shermer)

I have been blogging Living with Open Hands for 15 years. Until now, I have been puzzled about why it took me so long to wake up and see the instability of the foundations of my faith. As always, when the storms grew and my faith grew, I felt the ground under my feet giving way. The questions that I’ve been asking since I started blogging were still hanging there in the air, in my face, waiting for me to really face the truth of my faith compared to the truth of reality. I’d catch glimpses of the disconnect and hear sounds of the dissonance ringing in my ears, my head, and my heart. And yet, I couldn’t go all the way to the ground with my doubt and skepticism. I see now that I had been continuing to lie to myself and justify my doubts because my FAITH WAS TOO BIG TO FAIL. I was told that this is what western civilization was built on. This faith was what our country was built on. And that we have this Word of God that is infallible and inerrant and inspired and would give me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). But all of these are temporal and are passing away. After 12 years of contemplative writing, reflection, research, and studying all of the things that I have been taught, I finally saw that, even though I knew it was crumbling, I kept trying to patch it together and make it work. My values and beliefs are not only foundational for western civilization but for my own identity! This faith also was foundational to many social groups that I depended on; my family, friends, church groups, neighbors, work groups. This faith was like a 2000 year old bank that was too big to fail. And if it did, it would also take down everything around me that I depended on… including me! 

Then I realized that most of the people that had been following Living with Open Hands 1.0 (80,000 people from 150 countries over the years) often were also dependent on this faith of our fathers. I didn’t want to disrupt relationships or convince others to think like me. But I needed to keep writing without provoking argument, but rather challenging myself and others to think differently. I ended up deciding to start a new blog, this one, Living with Open Hands 2.0 so that I could be fully honest about my doubts and critical about the things I have been told all my life. The last thing I wanted to do was have people coming after me to save my soul. Nor did I want to offend anyone. I’ve done that already and need to move on. So this blog is not something that I automatically share when I write. I mostly write for myself and for my own grounding as I discover all that is new as I let go of all dogma. I’ve also always written so that I can go back and review and remember what I am learning along the way. At the beginning of Living with Open Hands 1.0, 15 years ago, I had this image of blogging being like in the bible, when the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, not knowing where they are going, not knowing what is around the next bend, there would be times when something startling, enlightening, or significant happened. Often these experiences would cause a total paradigm shift in perspective and understanding. So they would build a monument with a pile of rocks so they could return and remember what it is that they learned. So much of life is simply remembering what I already know, especially that there is no faith, no dogma, no creed, no belief that is too big to fail or question or doubt or let go of as I continue to sort the treasures from the trash all cluttered in my head. Each of my blog posts is a cairn of remembrance for me.

The Clergy Project

The Clergy Project is a great example of how one’s faith can feel too big to fail even though its foundations are crumbling underfoot. You are not alone as a minister that has lost faith but feeling like everyone thinks beliefs are too big to fail. As of 2021, the Clergy Project has supported over 1000 ministers in all fields of ministry so they know there are others out there that have lost their faith and helps them to connect with those that have gone through similar experiences. The in-group community in Christianity is great support for the average person that is comfortable and wants to stay that way. But the out-group experience once you are no longer a Christian can be incredibly lonely and isolating. This I know through experience. I can’t imagine it happening as a professional minister.

Are you a religious professional who no longer believes in the supernatural? 

Have you remained in vocational ministry, secretly hiding away your non-belief?

Are you struggling over where to go from here with your life and career?

• Maybe you’ve been out for some time, out of the ministry and maybe even publicly out as a non-believer… 

• Maybe you’ve found that the challenges continue to come with your new life and you’re in need of some good community with people who understand the issues you face…

• Maybe you’d simply love to connect with other religious professionals who have likewise left belief behind…

https://clergyproject.org/ 

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2015/03/10/when-beliefs-are-too-big-to-fail/

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2021/08/22/christians-need-their-faith-to-be-true/#disqus_thread