COFFEE AND CONVERSATION, MY FAVORITE THING
“When is the last time you had a great conversation? A conversation which wasn’t just two intersecting monologues, which is what passes for conversation in this culture. When have you had a great conversation in which: you overheard yourself saying things you never knew you knew; you heard yourself receiving from somebody words that absolutely found places within you that you had thought you had lost; you and your partner ascended to a different plane; memories of the exchange continued to sing in your mind for weeks afterward?” (John O’Donohue)
Learning to talk "with" each other again
What constitutes a great conversation?
Begin by talking WITH each other rather than talking TO each other.
Begin by listening. No one is interested in what I have to say unless I am first interested in what they have to say.
Begin with understanding. Seek to understand more than to be understood. Conversation is not about me, it is about us.
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| beer and conversation work too! |
Begin with questions more than answers. “A great question refuses to be answered; so it keeps leading us into deeper connections with each other and into deeper thinking” (Judith Snow).
Questions beget questions that eventually lead us to a deeper reality. Answers stop questions and hence stop all understanding proclaiming that it is I that know all.
Before responding, first affirm the other person and their ideas.
Respond to others with an open ended question that seeks to deepen understanding. Do not respond with an answer like “NO” or “YES, BUT”. Rather respond with “Yes, and…”
What is the impact of a great conversation?
Once we get beyond ideas and assumptions, opinions and beliefs, we find a field that is purely human, the hummus of common ground, our ground of being. It is then that conversation becomes true dialogue; a creative force filling the space between, flowing among us. It is this creative force that begets something new and alive that sustains itself in the deeper connection and understanding that was just created.
It is when we hear the other person saying things that “found places within you that you had thought you had lost.”
It is when “you overhear yourself saying things you never knew you knew.”
It is when the shared words between us reminds us of those things that we have always known but have long forgotten.
A great conversation awakens memory of ancient wisdom that resonates deep in the bones of our being.
A great conversation is the process of uncovering shared understanding of reality and truth; a process for moving forward together.
“Since our earliest ancestors gathered in circles around the warmth of a fire, conversation has been our primary means for discovering what we care about, sharing knowledge, imagining the future, and acting together to both survive and thrive.” (Juanita Brown, The World Cafe)
“‘I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again.’ I still believe this. I still believe that if we turn to one another, if we begin talking with each other – especially with those we call stranger or enemy – then this world can reverse its darkening direction and change for the good.” (Margaret Wheatley)
Also see:
PDF download of On Dialogue by David Bohm: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1x6aIi5HkqC_raj895-7fU9XgUjj5CGkY/view?usp=sharing
Become an intellectual explorer: Master the art of conversation
| Emily Chamlee-Wright | Big Think
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