Bedrock: what’s left at the bottom?
What’s left when life’s dross is burnt off?
What’s left when the non-essentials are stripped away?
What happens when simplicity goes all the way down; leaving nothing but the essentials.
Once I go all the way down, what are the bare necessities; the essence of existence?
There seems to be a cultural prejudice against “down”
But when all of our striving is upward, we lose our essence, our source, our Ground of Being.
And it is only from a downward position that I can “occupy my life to the edges.”
"Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people." (Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline)
For me, when I began blogging 15 years ago, little did I know that I had begun such a journey, that it had become the beginning of my unraveling, unlearning, uprooting of everything that I thought was tested and true; the ending of life as I knew it. Today, as it continues, I had no idea how far it would go.
But I’m still committed to follow the truth, no matter where it leads.
I am left with a profound groundlessness that I am still getting used to;
a groundlessness that is not rooted in other people’s stories of the past,
a groundlessness that is not rooted in other people’s graven mental constructs and images of god,
a groundlessness that is real and not conjured up for the sake of comfort, security, and certainty,
a groundlessness that is now my "ground of being" that has set me free... to be and to live in a reality consisting only of "what is".
Have you ever come to a point that splits time in two? There is time that is Before. And there is time that is After.
Ancient Spiral represents the inward journey we all must take to discover our basic goodness and develop understanding and acceptance, gentleness and kindness toward oneself. We then emerge with courage and strength, gentleness and kindness, understanding and love toward all.
“It is in deep solitude and silence that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brother and sister.” (Thomas Merton)
"Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
“This morning I was thinking about the cultural prejudice against ‘down,’ how things that are ‘better’ are spoken of as ‘higher,’ how folks are urged to ‘rise above’ or ‘transcend,’ how people tend to seek for answers “up there” “above the clouds” for some reason unknown to me. Perhaps this is why I tend to lean in the opposite direction wanting to balance the language of ‘up’ with the impulse to go in, to spiral down, to investigate with real curiosity what is beneath the seen or felt, what shapes and motivates our choices where the world's deepest unfolding is found. Perhaps the ability (of eminence AND transcendence, to understand reality AND to imagine) -- to leave my body - the double-edged sword of survival strategies - is what makes me desire to know I can also descend, can be here fully, can occupy my life to the edges, can find the bedrock of being that gives me real choice about where & when to fly.” ~ Oriah
But before I fly …
It has taken some very difficult inner work to first See what it is that I must let go of.
There is the “turning away.” It is a sort of “repentance.”
Loosening my grip and letting go of who I thought I was and who I was told I am.
Loosening my grip and letting go of what I thought life was all about and what I was told it was about.
Unlearning and unknowing, a sort of unraveling and deconstruction of the illusory self.
Then there is the “turning toward.” This is a sort of “reconciliation.”
Embracing with open hands, mind, and heart, a me that is real with no illusions of being right or righteous or of knowing.
Embracing with open hands, mind, and heart a life that is real with no illusions of certainty, security, and comfort; or of being safe and sound or right or righteous.
Relearning and remembering what I already know.
At the bedrock of being, I find nothing magical, only that which is real: nothing but me (my body, feelings, thoughts and capacities) and also nothing but life as it is, the Tao (way it is); nothing but nature, the earth, and the universe along with all of its beauty. All of this is enfolded in “what is” while unfolding in each present moment. Who could want more? Why would we want more? There is no more because nothing more is needed. We have everything we need to live in abundance right here on earth.
BE HERE NOW. BE NOW HERE.
No games, no competition, no striving, no longing, no desire, no magical thinking, no fairy tales, no happily-ever-afters.
No human constructs to bail me out or save me.
Systematic theologies
Systems of belief
Religions
Politics
Philosophies
Answers
Solutions
What am I left with at the very bottom of my descent?
A Quest to ask better questions,
through inquiry, mystery, wonder, awe.
I’m left with
No one to tell me who I am.
No one to tell me what to do.
No one to tell me where to go.
No one to tell me what life is all about.
No one to tell me my identity.
No one to tell me my purpose
No one to tell me what a meaningful life is.
I’m left with freedom to be me and to create a life that in the end, I can say, “It is good.”
Or not!
It doesn’t get much more simple than this.
In each present moment, we have before us two choices. Death or Life. And there isn’t even anyone telling me to choose life. We can encourage each other to choose life or death. But no one can tell us because, “Whose life is it anyway???”
For me, the most profound answer is the most clear and simple. It comes from Albert Camus.
He says that between these two powerful realities of me and life, mankind and the universe are two powerful, undeniable, yet irreconcilable stances.
Mankind cries out, demanding to know the meaning and purpose of life.
Life and the universe responds with the indifference of nothingness.
It is not that the human race is absurd in and of itself.
and it is not that the universe is absurd in and of itself.
It is the juxtaposition of these two opposing stances that is totally absurd.
WHAT??? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!
WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR UNLESS WE CAN FIND OUT WHY?!?!?
WE ARE GIVEN A BLANK SLATE AT BIRTH MEANING THERE IS NOTHING WRITTEN ON IT FOR US. NOTHING PRESCRIBED.
AND WE ARE GIVEN A BLANK STARE AS WE CRY OUT FOR ANSWERS.
LIFE IS A TICKET TO NOWHERE EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE THING:
BE HERE NOW. BE NOW HERE.
NOTHING AND NOWHERE BUT TOTAL AND UNCONDITIONAL FREEDOM!
One of the greatest realizations during my journey for meaning and purpose is that there is no real destination with a sign that says, “Get your meaning in life here,” or “Get your purpose in life here.” “Go here to be told what to do, what to be, what to think.” We are given destinations and answers but not by life itself or by the universe; but by mankind. What kind of hoax is that?
My greatest realization and most profound truth is that when it comes to the question of god, there is only one answer that I can conceive:
What do I know for sure?
The god of my fathers has only two attributes revealed to me that are never changing.
Invisibility
Silence
There is nothing left but the sound of crickets… the heartbreak of silence and the indifference of nothingness
What I’ve been told all my life is that the bible contains all that is needed for life and godliness. But I
never got past the fact that the bible, all holy books, and all systematic theologies are simply human constructs, the imaginations of mankind telling the rest of mankind who they are, what to do, what to think, and what is right and wrong. Then I realized that this is what I’ve been naturally working out within myself all of my life.
I no longer need to defer to anything or anyone; living with appeal.
Emerging from all of this for me is one word: this is ABSURD!
It is here that the only thing I’ve found to make sense is senselessness as I turn to Camus and his philosophy of The Absurd.
Burning away all of the dross, stripping away all pretense, presumption, expectation, human constructs, and religious answers;
Is there a more honest way to live and move and have my being?
"I wouldn't give a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity, but I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity."
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)
The Downward Journey
It's okay not to have New Years resolutionsIt's okay not to have big goals for your life
It's okay not to have plans you want to
Manifest
It's okay not to chase your dreams
That path is not for everyone
Some walk the path of
Unbecoming
They are traveling the road
Backwards
Seeking the core
What is basic and essential
What has been there all along
Though we may be headed the same direction
Our spirals are mirror opposites
Some walk the path of the visionary
Creating abundance and
Dancing inside a multiplicity of forms
And Some walk the path
Of the serpent owl
Becoming more and more naked
Shedding layers of fantasy into the ash
Night sky
Sitting in the dark
And seeing the way the wind moves
They do not walk a line or
Poise their arrow to the target
They sit at the bottom of the ocean
And wait
Letting the waves devour them
They are following the pulse
Of listening
To silence
Like a tiger in the brush
Waiting for existence to strike lightening
Into the fire of the heart
For this kind
Nothing less will do
Some are opening the palms of their hands
And unraveling
To become
Less and less
Until they are
No-Thing
To become the still point
In the center of
All
You know who you are
Keep going
- Maya Luna
From OMEGA: Feral Secrets of the Deep Feminine
Flight from Death: The Quest for Immortality
The Great Human Dilemma
“This is the terror: to have emerged from nothing, to have a name, consciousness of self, deep inner feelings, an excruciating inner yearning for life and self-expression - and with all this yet to die.”
(Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death)
Flight from Death: The Quest for Immortality
OUR HUMAN PREDICAMENT
“Human beings find themselves in quite a predicament. We have the mental capacity to ponder the infinite, seemingly capable of anything; yet housed in a heart-pumping, breath-gasping, decaying body. We are godly yet creaturely.”
Death or Life
Once we are born, life becomes the default so there is really only one other philosophical option left before us. DEATH.
As Camus states, ““There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering this fundamental question of philosophy.”
There are two primary ways we can choose death.
Physical (literal) suicide
Philosophical (figurative) suicide
Did you know that there are 800,000 suicides per day in our world?
https://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/
So we can see that physical suicide is a real choice. Whether it is a answer or not is a very different question.
Choosing Death: Physical or Philosophical Suicide
CAUTION: Please see the next blog post for more details and explanations of Philosophical Suicide.
In summary, philosophical suicide is seen by Camus as similar to physical suicide. Physical suicide is literal death, basically murdering the physical self along with all of a person’s free thought, choices, meaning, and purpose. Philosophical suicide is figurative death, murdering all doubting, questioning, and mystery by adopting a system of belief that relieves or alleviates a person from LIVING WITHOUT APPEAL. This type of figurative suicide is living by appealing or deferring to something to save us: systems of belief, systems of hope, generational faith, magical thinking, positive thinking, philosophies, theologies, and anything outside of what we know as reality. Living without appeal is living according to what is, according to the way it is, without assumptions and presumptions, prejudices and biases, or agendas and expectations. It is living with nothing but the freedom of this: BE HERE NOW. BE NOW HERE.
“The world accepts and follows the traditional approach. The primary cause of disorder in ourselves is the seeking of reality promised by another; we mechanically follow somebody who will assure us a comfortable spiritual life. It is a most extraordinary thing that although most of us are opposed to political tyranny and dictatorship, we inwardly accept the authority, the tyranny, of another to twist our minds and our way of life. So if we completely reject, not intellectually but actually, all so-called spiritual authority, all ceremonies, rituals and dogmas, it means that we stand alone and are already in conflict with society; we cease to be respectable human beings. A respectable human being cannot possibly come near to that infinite, immeasurable reality.” (Krishnamurti)
And again, repeating for emphasis, “The primary cause of disorder in ourselves is the seeking of reality promised by another; we mechanically follow somebody who will assure us a comfortable spiritual life.”
Isn’t it ironic that in order to elude The Absurd, we adopt that which is “the primary cause of disorder in ourselves, the seeking of reality promised by another; we mechanically follow somebody who will assure us a comfortable spiritual life.”
No wonder Camus has called this an alternate form of suicide!!!
No wonder Camus has called this philosophical suicide!!!
I think another way of referring to “Living without Appeal” is living life unconditionally or living life passionately with compassion and zeal. It is a full-on rebellion, an insurgency against The Absurd; which is the established (dis)order, the reality of life at its most basic level. It is a full-on revolt that faces, stands up to, and marches against and through The Absurd, no matter how despairing or meaningless it may feel. We refuse meaning or meaninglessness from any external source and only accept meaning from within ourselves.
Choosing Life: Living in Rebellion against the Oppressive Reality of The Absurd and Death; along with Living without Appeal.
This is similar to the way the oppressed must gain their own freedom; by emerging from its oppressive submergence, turning on it, and facing it directly and fearlessly. This is the only way true freedom can be earned. Emerging from being immersed is perhaps the most important and primary step. Because “oppressive reality” absorbs us into absurdity unconsciously, there is no struggle until we see it, and determine that we are done with it, done eluding it, done running from it, done appealing, done deferring... done period! Because there is no freedom until we do this necessary inner work.
“One of the obstacles to the achievement of liberation is that oppressive reality absorbs those within it and thereby acts to submerge human beings’ consciousness. Functionally, oppression is domesticating. To no longer be prey to its force, one must emerge from it and turn upon it. This can be done only by means of the praxis: reflection and action upon the world in order to transform it.” (p. 51)
This is a life and death struggle for the conquest of freedom: “Freedom is acquired by conquest, not by gift. It must be pursued constantly and responsibly. Freedom is not an ideal located outside of man; nor is it an idea which becomes myth. It is rather the indispensable condition for the quest for human completion.” (p. 47)
(Paulo Freire, The Pedagogy of the Oppressed)
As the oppressive tyranny of religion and all dogma falls away, I feel a profound sense of freedom as I write this post. I feel like I’ve been going deeper consistently for 15 years and over and over, I felt that I had hit rock bottom. But there was still unseen conditioning and dogma and other conjured answers lurking in the darkness; and I know there still is. But it feels like I’ve finally gone all the way down to where life, in its absurdity, has forced me to realize that this is all there is. None of the other guises and constructions have stood up to the fierceness of The Absurd. Mankind is the only force that can face it because we are the only beings that have the capacity to see it, become conscious of it, begin to understand it, rise up in revolt against it, conquering both death and The Absurd and their power over us to submerge us in meaninglessness. Philosophical suicide creates a blindspot within so that we cannot see how absurd life is because we do not want to see...
For many years, this bedrock for me consisted of a ground of being that was a way to get past and beyond the cultural, religious god that had vanished in my greatest time of need. It made more sense to see god as that which is beyond religion, beyond the universe, beyond reality itself. The Ground of Being, was a way for theologian Paul Tillich to describe god that is not the everyday, anthropomorphic, churchish, childish, imaginary friend-type of god but rather “God beyond God”. But still I could not get beyond my concept of god that I knew was just that, a human construct, a mental concept, a graven image etched deep in my psyche. Eventually, I began to see that the issue is me rather than quibbling with words and labels and names. I had been creating god in my own image and was stuck in that human pattern of conceptualizing, humanizing, and visualizing god. It wasn’t until I stopped my machinations that things became more clear. All of the gods of mankind were exactly that, gods of mankind. So as I descended into the abyss in my quest for bedrock truth, I realized that I could no longer continue to seek after this conceptual god that exists in the cumulative, collective, and individual minds of mankind. This was yet again another matter of letting go that I had been repeating with so many other things all the way down. When I hit the ground, I realized that there was nothing that I still had in my backpack, nothing that I was grasping in my fists, nothing more to want and desire. And with nothing to distract me, I could pay attention to what was left, without distraction. The freedom of the realization that there was nothing left to tell me what to do with my life. I could see clearly the eternal yet existential human predicament. That constant human calling for meaning in this life crashing against the rocks, the universe’s response of silence and invisibility; the indifference of nothingness. I found it to be exhilarating for life to become so simple and yet so real. I had nothing left to do but to decide the one and only philosophical problem. Is there a reason to live and not to commit suicide? Do I have a reason to live??? Do I want a reason? Suddenly life became an incredible challenge to face off with The Absurd and create meaning with nothing outside of myself, but using only the capacities that I bring within. I feel the thrill of being the absurd hero, the rebel leading my revolt against a universe that has thus far refused to reveal to me any sort of meaning or purpose. With a battle cry and a curse at the top of my lungs, I am charging headlong into the battle of a lifetime; a battle for life itself and a battle to conquer the external meaninglessness with internal meaning and purpose.
There are two more levels of The Absurd that keeps haunting me. First, it is my own puniness. Who am I? Why does it matter? Don’t I have to answer this first before I can decide if life is worth living? As the absurd hero, I rise up in revolt against life and against the universe, and guess what? It doesn’t matter to the universe. Again! The universe responds to me and my puny, futile efforts to conquer The Absurd in the similar way that I respond to it. Laughing in the face of my tiny efforts. The universe again responds with the indifference of silence. What??? Doesn’t it matter??? Doesn’t my life matter??? And we then see that it does matter and it is of ultimate importance… not to the universe, but to me… That’s all I’m left with. Me. The world around me. And here and now. Yes! It matters!!!
Secondly, what has been bothering me is the nature of this indifferent universe. The fact of its indifference is not an admission of chaos and absurdity to the universe itself. The universe again does not care what my perspective is. It is what it is. But why should I care about the universe? I have a deep responsibility to care for the universe and nature because that is what sustains me so that I can learn what life is all about. The western man constantly puts himself in opposition to nature and the universe. That's a battle that cannot be won. The absurdity that I am rebelling against is not out there in nature or the universe. The absurdity is within myself. I'm the creature that has become aware and thus has the privilege of living with meaning and purpose while at the same time living without appeal. Like a river, I must learn to flow with nature and learn the power of the sustainability and the intelligence that exists in our universe in order for it to continue in such beautiful order. I suspect that the chaos we as humans perceive is simply the mystery we cannot ascertain. That's all. It goes right over my head and I miss the beauty that goes all the way down to the microcosm and all the way up to the macrocosm. And all we can do is let go and stand in awe and wonder of that which responds to me in its own way; with beauty. And with faith, surrendering myself to that which is greater than me, knowing that it is, that it will, sustain me, along with the whole of what is, a universe that is both manifest and unmanifest.
The Privilege of The Absurd
Here are some quotes that make me appreciate my elation of making it all the way down to bedrock.
“The privilege of absurdity; to which no living creature is subject but man only.” (Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan)
“Modern man must descend the spiral of his own absurdity to the lowest point; only then can he look beyond it. It is obviously impossible to get around it, jump over it or simply avoid it.”
(Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the Peace,1986, ch. 2)
“There are no exact guidelines. There are probably no guidelines at all. The only thing I can recommend at this stage is a sense of humor, an ability to see things in their ridiculous and absurd dimensions, to laugh at others and at ourselves, a sense of irony regarding everything that calls out for parody in this world.”
(Václav Havel, in an address upon receiving the Open Society Prize awarded by Central European University, 24 June 1999)
“Isn't it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity.”
(Václav Havel, as quoted in Amnesty International's essay "From Prisoner to President – A Tribute")
Learning to Live with The Absurd in the same way we Live with Death
“I very much like your love of pleasure, and your humour and malice: it is so delightful to live in a world that is full of pictures, and incidental divertissements, and amiable absurdities. Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory?
They are so, and we are so, and they and we go very well together.”
(George Santayana, in a letter to Logan Pearsall Smith, 24 May 1918, in The Works of George Santayana: The letters of George Santayana 1910 - 1920 [2002], p. 319)
Order within Chaos
“Chaos theory is an interdisciplinary theory stating that, within the apparent randomness of chaotic complex systems, there are underlying patterns, interconnectedness, constant feedback loops, repetition, self-similarity, fractals, and self-organization.”
This order within constant chaos can be found woven throughout the very fabric of the universe. So until the universe can give us a resounding statement of meaning and purpose for our lives, we must continue to look inward AND outward to watch for those bits of beauty, flashes of light; amazement in mystery, awe in wonder, order in apparent chaos, sense in ostensible senselessness, and meaning in alleged absurdity.
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