Cairn of Rememberance

So Much Forgotten

So Much to Forget

So Much More to Remember

So Much to Learn
So Much to Unlearn
So Much to Relearn

So much we think we know!

The word “remember” has become more and more significant in my life. So much of what we learn is lost too quickly and so we must find ways to remind ourselves what is important and what we learned through the pain and heartbreak of life. Sometimes it is more important to forget or to unlearn also. For me, there are very specific times that are like a paradigm shift, an eye opener, an awakening. But even when it is something that we must learn to forget, that is also something important to remember. I have a mantra that carries some of this learning: “Much of life is remembering what we already know.”

We are a very forgetful people globally and historically; beginning individually. I’ve been noticing that this is not a modern or a local phenomenon. It goes back to the very First People in each continent where we have discovered and recovered rituals and practices to remind us to remember and the importance of remembering.

For me, since I first began blogging in 2006, my first image was the Open Hand and the significance of that. So most of my posts are reminders of ways of Living with Open Hands as an expression of an Open Mind, an Open Heart, and an Open Will. To take this symbology a step further, I began to visualize each blog post as a cairn of remembrance, my pile of rocks, a monument to which I would return so that I could remember. I describe this further at the end of this post. But first, I’m interested in exploring how humankind has been using these monuments or cairns in a way that reminds and guides them along the way. As I kept blogging, I was reminded of the biblical story of the Israelites in the wilderness, a feeling I could relate to as I entered my Dark Night of the Soul in 2008. The way I understood the story is that they were on a journey to the promised land. But it seems that they kept getting lost along the way. Or, if not lost, they would get distracted and go their own way. Sometimes, I wondered if they even knew what their destination was, so they continued to wander,

wondering as they go. Often I refer to myself as a wondering wanderer and a wandering wonderer. As I describe below, these cairn posts are for me to remember the lessons I learned at that time and place. Often it was not an answer but rather a more clearly expressed question that was significant to me at that time and place. Something I must remember. And so, I found myself going back to these cairns of remembrance and rereading them so I would not forget.

The Old Testament uses these monuments or cairns for at least these two things:

1. Cairn – A Sign of the Lord’s Covenant Faithfulness to Redeem Israel (Joshua 3-4)

2. Cairn – Marking a Path Home (Jeremiah 31) http://magazine.cairn.edu/2012/07/covenants-and-markers/ 

“A cairn is a man-made pile (or stack) of stones. The word cairn comes from the Scottish Gaelic: càrn [ˈkʰaːrˠn̪ˠ] (plural càirn [ˈkʰaːrˠɲ]).[1]

Cairns have been and are used for a broad variety of purposes, from prehistoric times to the present.

In modern times, cairns are often erected as landmarks, a use they have had since ancient times. However, since prehistory, they have also been built and used as burial monuments; for defense and hunting; for ceremonial purposes, sometimes relating to astronomy; to locate buried items, such as caches of food or objects; and to mark trails, among other purposes.

 

Cairn at the boundary of Counties Durham and Northumberland UK

“Cairns are used as trail markers in many parts of the world, in uplands, on moorland, on mountaintops, near waterways and on sea cliffs, as well as in barren deserts and tundras. They vary in size from small stone markers to entire artificial hills, and in complexity from loose conical rock piles to delicately balanced sculptures and elaborate feats of megalithic engineering. Cairns may be painted or otherwise decorated, whether for increased visibility or for religious reasons. An ancient example is the inuksuk (plural inuksuit), used by the Inuit, Inupiat, Kalaallit, Yupik, and other peoples of the Arctic region of North America. Inuksuit are found from Alaska to Greenland. This region, above the Arctic Circle, is dominated by the tundra biome and has areas with few natural landmarks.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cairn

Notice how all of the uses described above seem to have some sort of connection to remembering or to remembrance, whether it is finding the way home, finding buried items, a person’s burial place, markers for hunting and for trails, places of danger, or sometimes they are used for ceremonial remembrance. I found it very interesting when I was telling a friend of mine that is buddhist about the significance and connection of a pile of rocks to my blog posts, she said, well that is very interesting because they are used in buddhism and hinduism also.

Here is how I described my blog posts as monuments to rememberance back when I first started blogging, before I even knew what a cairn was and their global and historical significance.

When I started writing, little did I know what the future had in store . . .

a deep and excruciating depression, divorce, job loss, loss of health

benefits, foreclosure of the home my children were born in, and worst

of all, losing my kids half of the time.

My wilderness was my Dark Night of the Soul.

It was like an earthquake that left nothing unturned.

I found myself continuing to write through the pain… through the darkness.

For me, writing is mapping a journey,

not unlike the Israelites’ journey in the wilderness.

They could not see around the bend.

Many surprises were in store . . . both good and bad.

Whenever a significant event happened, they were admonished to REMEMBER.

Each learning experience imparted a new lesson,

a new measure of wisdom that they must not FORGET.

As a tangible reminder of these life remembrances,

they built a monument, a pillar of rocks,

so they could return to them (physically or mentally)

to draw deeply from the wisdom that was imparted.

Along my journey, each of my entries is another pillar of rocks,

a monument to a new insight,

a new learning experience,

(usually born out of pain),

a new question (mostly),

a new perspective,

a new surprise (good or bad).

Therefore, I return to my own writing regularly . . . lest I forget . . .

I must remember to befriend life’s dark places ,

lest I forget the truths hidden there.

I must remember to embrace life’s mystery,

lest I forget and think I KNOW.

I must remember to face life’s pain ,

lest I forget the pain of others and the learning that pain imparted to me.

I must remember to sit with the pain of others, being there with them

I must remember to sit with my own pain, in silence, listening to what it

has to teach me.

If life really is mostly about remembering what I already know, then what is it I must do to jog my memory and find ways to make sure I do not forget what it is I need for daily sustenance while I continue on my way, day by day, step by step, breath by breath.

Just as the cairn is built on a strong foundation in order to endure, in the same way remembrance must begin with a view from below, never losing sight of the darkness, ugliness, and meanness of life but using a clear remembrance of these low things as foundational to remembrance of what we need for daily sustenance.

When I was 30 years old, I went through my first divorce. It was such an excruciating experience and it lingered strongly within for many years. During peak pain, I would often unconsciously shut down emotionally and become numb, my body’s defense when it was too much for me to handle at that time. It would take a few days for me to realize the numbness, being so subtle like it is. But when I realized it, I would also see that not only did I not feel the pain, but I couldn’t feel any happiness either. I was stuck in my cycle of grief. I was not healing. What I learned during that time is that if I stay stuck, there is no growth, so I needed to get unstuck. I was a custodial single dad at that time also, so I had to figure this out for the sake of my one year old son. The only way I found that would help me to feel again is to go to specific places that were good memories of times together for the two of us. Even though it was really painful to do that, it also helped me to become unstuck and begin to grow again, but only after I would cry and cry. I had to remember in order to continue to heal. So those places, as ordinary as they were, became sacred cairns of remembrance for me.

Cairn of Remembrance from deep within my heart

What do I mean by “remembering what I already know?” I think that truth, wisdom, and knowing are not things that we flippantly grasp from what we are told, hold as absolute, and cling to for dear life. I think there is an ancient knowing that we have accumulated over centuries of humanity. I think that truth, wisdom, or knowing is something that we detect from deep in our bones. When we hear truth, it is discerned by deep resonance that resides deep in my bones, in the silent center of my being. Truth, wisdom, and knowing is less about seeking it out there somewhere. It is something we already have and know deep within. 

There was a time when authority resided within each individual, society, and the natural world. In each individual there was an inner light or teacher or voice that would guide. In a society, there was the town square and the circle of elders gathered around the fire, deciding what is necessary for a village. But overall, there was mother earth or nature that we as humans learned to follow, knowing that our existence, our need to survive and thrive, was intimately tied to the earth since this is where we live and move and have our being. There was a time that everything we needed was already here. We lived in abundance so that whatever we needed, we already had. There was no need to go seeking out there somewhere above the clouds for some sort of answers to the life that we are living right here and right now. Remembrance is a matter of looking within for wisdom for today.

Cairn of Remembrance first low then high, first despair then hope, first darkness then light

Sometimes we must remember what we have learned along the way. Sometimes we must remember what we learned that we must unlearn. Just as all remembrance, like all wisdom, truth, and knowing, must begin within and then emulate outward. It must begin low in order to comprehend the high. We must first remember the despair if we are to truly and clearly remember hope, just like darkness magnifies the smallest light.

"And here we come back to memory. We must remember the suffering of my people, as we must remember that of the Ethiopians, the Cambodians, the boat people, Palestinians, the Mesquite Indians, the Argentinean desaparecidos — the list seems endless.

"Let us remember Job who, having lost everything — his children, his friends, his possessions, and even his argument with God — still found the strength to begin again, to rebuild his life. Job was determined not to repudiate the creation, however imperfect, that God had entrusted to him. Job, our ancestor. Job, our contemporary. His ordeal concerns all humanity. Did he ever lose his faith? If so, he rediscovered it within his rebellion. He demonstrated that faith is essential to rebellion, and that hope is possible beyond despair. The source of his hope was memory, as it must be ours. Because I remember, I despair. Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair. I remember the killers, I remember the victims, even as I struggle to invent a thousand and one reasons to hope. Mankind must remember that peace is not God’s gift to His creatures, it is our gift to each other."
(From Elie Wiesel’s 1986 Nobel lecture)

Cairn of Remembrance found in the high and lofty, in the low and grungy, and in violence and peace

I've seen a high cairn kissed by holy wind
Seen a mirror pool cut by golden fins
Seen alleys where they hide the truth of cities
The mad whose blessing you must accept without pity

I've stood in airports guarded glass and chrome
Walked rifled roads and land mined loam
Seen a forest in flames right down to the road
Burned in love till I've seen my heart explode

You've been leading me
Beside strange waters

Across the concrete fields of man
Sun ray like a camera pans
Some will run and some will stand
Everything is bullshit but the open hand

You've been leading me
Beside strange waters
Streams of beautiful lights in the night
But where is my pastureland in these dark valleys?
If I lose my grip, will I take flight?

(Strange Waters lyrics by Bruce Cockburn)