My Philosophical Evolution: little by little
This blog post is the flip side of another post that I wrote in April 2021, two month ago. Here are the first few lines of that blog which I called The Deconstruction of My Deconversion.
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The Deconstruction of My Deconversion
My Religious Demise: step by step
Another step deeper into darkness. . . closer to the light.
For a more expanded and indepth version, go here: My Philosophical Evolution
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This post is my Reconstruction after My Deconversion.
This blog post is the “closer to the light” part of “Another step deeper into darkness. . . closer to the light.”
Deeper into Darkness
Deconversion requires that we keep digging deeper into the darkness to get to the subconscious conditioning that controls our thoughts. When I was writing that post, like the title said, I was deconstructing my faith, dogma, creeds, doctrine, along my total worldview, breaking down what it took to get to the place I am now, sort of retracing the steps of my journey. All of the things I was told to believe, I just believed automatically, without thinking, without any discernment, without putting any of it to the test, because I was doing what I was supposed to do all my life, for 50 years. I was unknowingly, subconsciously running on automatic pilot with automatic downloads, cultural conditioning, media manipulation, political propaganda, and religious brainwashing. These are all subtle, subconscious forms of conditioning and control.Blind Conformity. Immersion in the Status Quo.
"If you slavishly follow somebody else’s ideas, you will be impoverished and impaired…. Blind obedience and unthinking acceptance of authority figures may make an institution work more smoothly, but the people who live under such a regime will remain in an infantile, dependent state. It is a great pity that religious institutions often insist on this type of conformity, which is far from the spirit of their founders, who all, in one way or another, rebelled against the status quo."
Karen Armstrong Source: The Spiral Staircase
From a quantum physicist:
"We could say that practically all the problems of the human race are due to the fact that thought is not proprioceptive.... You don't decide what to do with the info. Thought runs you. Thought, however, gives false info that you are running it, that you are the one who controls thought. Whereas actually thought is the one who controls each one of us."
(David Bohm, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddngc3nhs_I)
Little by little came my demise. Uprooting, overturning, upheaving, demolishing, destroying, ripping up the life I had been building.
“The blizzard of the world
has crossed the threshold
and it has overturned
the order of the soul.”
~ Leonard Cohen
This overturning began with the blizzard of the world that I could not stand up to (divorce, job loss, foreclosure, depression). It caused me to realize that I had been building my house, my life, on sand. It was not a solid foundation. So as I realized how important it is to question everything, the blizzard of the world shifted to the blizzard of my own deconstruction. I could not just keep falling and falling apart. I had to dig down to the roots, my foundation, to see what is real and what has been crumbling. I had no idea that I would lose my religion. I had no intention of losing my religion. But then I began to see that it was my religion itself that could not stand up to the blizzard of the world or the blizzard of deconstruction. Too many false assumptions, unfounded beliefs, and groundless claims. That which I thought was foundational was not worthy of the tests of life and the discernment of truth. The fire of refinement did not purify by removing the dross. Rather the fire of discernment burned it all up. Nothing left.
In my post, The Deconstruction of My Deconversion, toward the end of my commentary section, I said this. I am quoting my words because sometimes I forget the transformative power of my deconversion. That is why I write, so that I can remember.
From that post: “Once I turned 60, after 12 years of inquiry and writing, the scales fell off my eyes and I could see all of the wishful and magical thinking that I had been clinging to. At that point, I was finally ready to say "STOP" "enough!" It was at this point that I could fully let go of dogma. What I experienced profoundly and astonishingly is that I was finally free. No more shackles on my mind or on my conversations with others or in my acceptance and inclusion of others; unconditional love! I was finally free!” Exclusion is the mainstay of most successful religions.
Closer to the Light
I tangibly felt a freedom that goes beyond my mind to the freedom of my heart, unshackled, unburdened.
“If I loose my grip… will I take flight?” (Lyrics from Bruce Cockburn)
I began to see that as I loosen my grip, I could let go. Nothing to hang on to. Nothing to cling to. Nothing that is permanent, certain, or secure.
As I became ungrounded from that which is unfounded, I learned to be grounded in groundlessness, in what is real. It was only then that I found out what true freedom is.
Losing my religion was perhaps the most freeing thing that has ever happened to me.
Who'd'a' thought that the total unraveling of my life would result in such incredible freedom?
I could actually understand and experience what this means: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 2:2)
I also began to realize that unconditional love is not possible with hidden agendas like converting someone’s soul, talking them into believing what I believe, group-thinking them into conformity, following the teachings like disassociating with “pagans”, skeptics, free thinkers, and such.
Conditioning has been forming our beliefs and values since the crib and will continue to the grave. Again I am reminded how prescriptive our zip code is to predetermining each person’s values, beliefs, and religion.
Here is the kicker: the primary force that uproots living the natural way is our conditioning; and we don’t even know. Sometimes our conditioning is good and healthy and sometimes it is not. How do we know which way to go? We must learn to discern the natural way to live according to how we were meant to live as human beings within nature and within the universe; sustained by nature and the universe.
Anything that thwarts our ability to live the natural way, whether conditioning, beliefs, or values, is not healthy and whole. We must develop the discernment to see the natural way and our barriers and influences, both internal and external, to live our life in all of its fullness.
I could truly live and let live. No expectations. No hidden agendas. Just humans being human together.
Freedom Comes From the Natural Way
“Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course. You cannot master the world by changing the natural way.” (Lao Tzu)
"Unfinished Poem: I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding." — John O'Donohue
“There is in all visible things an invisible fecundity, a dimmed light, a meek namelessness, a hidden wholeness. This mysterious Unity and Integrity is Wisdom, the Mother of all, Natura Naturans. There is in all things an inexhaustible sweetness and purity, a silence that is a fountain of action and of joy.” (Thomas Merton)
I have, of necessity, developed an inner impulsion to grow, to deepen toward my source, uncovering and uprooting my illusions and myths, stories and fairy tales that I can no longer live by; revealing raw reality, unvarnished truth, unmasked authenticity, true integrity. This impulsive drive became a fire in my belly fueling an unstoppable passion to understand that which is real and true while attempting to resolve some of the cognitive, emotional, and spiritual dissonance that is like tinnitus constantly ringing, piercing, and clouding my soul.
But this drive had been dormant for close to 50 years. The domination of cultural influences had its foot on my neck exerting pressure, very subtly and imperceptibly; just enough to keep my face in the dirt, keeping me unaware that life is so much more than the canned world and life view that I have downloaded. Conditioning for humans is like water for fish. We are so immersed in our conditioning and thinking that we do not realize the extent that they control us.
Nothing is fixed or set in stone
For me, as I work through the process of deconstructing my deconversion, I can begin to understand what has happened to me over the past few years and what is still happening in me. As I continue to go deeper into my own interior world, I am making the unconscious conscious, overturning and uprooting the moorings of my soul.
Nothing is set in stone. Nothing is absolutely fixed. Everything is in flux. Life is not static. It is dynamic, ever changing. Life is progressive, constantly unfolding. A hidden wholeness emerges. I used to try to control my world and mitigate the change, uncertainty, insecurity, discomfort. But when I realized that these are all stories in my head, I was free to embrace and rejoice that which is real.
Listening without Agenda
Truth never becomes “true” or “more true” by clenching my teeth or my fists… I
had to let go… of everything. I had to stop creating my own illusions. I had to open my hands, my mind, my heart, and my will to anything and everything that comes my way. I had to “let life come” as it is; emerging new, clear, and pristine everyday, without my agendas, interpretations, expectations; accepting all of life and all people unconditionally.
But this drive had been dormant for close to 50 years. The domination of cultural influences had its foot on my neck exerting pressure, very subtly and imperceptibly; just enough to keep my face in the dirt, keeping me unaware that life is so much more than the canned world and life view that I have downloaded. Conditioning for humans is like water for fish. We are so immersed in our conditioning and thinking that we do not realize the extent that they control us.
Points of Light, Freedom, and Transformation
Before I begin this final section that lists these points of transformation for me, I need to say that in no way am I trying to convince anyone of anything except maybe that my own journey and evolution is real. If you don’t agree, fine then, don’t agree. This is not a matter of morality or religion or spirituality or right or wrong or light or darkness. It is just the story of my experiences learning over 15 years. Nothing more. Nothing less.Nothing is fixed or set in stone
For me, as I work through the process of deconstructing my deconversion, I can begin to understand what has happened to me over the past few years and what is still happening in me. As I continue to go deeper into my own interior world, I am making the unconscious conscious, overturning and uprooting the moorings of my soul.
Nothing is set in stone. Nothing is absolutely fixed. Everything is in flux. Life is not static. It is dynamic, ever changing. Life is progressive, constantly unfolding. A hidden wholeness emerges. I used to try to control my world and mitigate the change, uncertainty, insecurity, discomfort. But when I realized that these are all stories in my head, I was free to embrace and rejoice that which is real.
Listening without Agenda
Truth never becomes “true” or “more true” by clenching my teeth or my fists… I
Inward Deepening begets Outward Expansion
I found that without dogma, my conversations were more open and penetrating. Without expectations, there was a freedom to allow the dialogue to lead us where it may. Without assumptions and interpretations, I could truly seek to understand and more clearly hear others. Without hidden agendas and ulterior motives I could love more deeply and unconditionally.
I know that I know nothing
"The further one goes, the less one knows." (Lao Tzu)
I found that without dogma, my conversations were more open and penetrating. Without expectations, there was a freedom to allow the dialogue to lead us where it may. Without assumptions and interpretations, I could truly seek to understand and more clearly hear others. Without hidden agendas and ulterior motives I could love more deeply and unconditionally.
I know that I know nothing
"The further one goes, the less one knows." (Lao Tzu)
"The more a man knows, the less he talks." (Voltaire)
It is hard for pride to get a foothold when there is no reference from which I can think that I am better than everyone else.
There is no more:
I’m right. Therefore you’re wrong. I know.
It is hard for pride to get a foothold when there is no reference from which I can think that I am better than everyone else.
There is no more:
I’m right. Therefore you’re wrong. I know.
Therefore you don’t know.
I have a corner on the truth.
Come to MY church and
you will have the corner on the truth also!
I no longer have a hidden agenda (to save your soul)
or an ulterior motive to change a person or convince someone.
I can let that all go.
No more supernatural expectations
As mentioned in the last paragraph, I no longer need to keep trying to change people, no more judging based on my divine standard. Now there is only affirming people being human. For years, I felt guilty for not leading people to Christ, especially the friends that I care about. I carried that guilt for 40 years. Now, to have the burden of that guilt lifted is so freeing!!!
"There is no guide, no teacher, no authority. There is only you - your relationship with others and with the world - there is nothing else.
It is so freeing when a lifetime of burden is lifted!
"When you reject something false which you have been carrying about with you for generations, when you throw off a burden of any kind, what takes place? You have more energy, haven't you? You have more capacity, more drive, greater intensity and vitality. If you do not feel this, then you have not thrown off the burden, you have not discarded the dead weight of authority. But when you have thrown it off and have this energy in which there is no fear at all - no fear of making a mistake, no fear of doing right or wrong - then is not that energy itself the mutation? We need a tremendous amount of energy and we dissipate it through fear but when there is this energy which comes from throwing off every form of fear, that energy itself produces the radical inward revolution." (Freedom from the Known, Krishnamurti)
All of life is a teacher
As I realize that all of life is my teacher, one of my greatest teachers is me and my own reactions, my own hot buttons, my points of defendedness that evoke surprising, emotional reactions.
Often I stand there puzzled and confused asking myself, did I just do that or say that?
I feel it in my heart and in my stomach. And I’m learning that these buttons are my own areas of insecurity, uncertainty, dissonance, hurt, and trauma. They seem to be cracks in my facade. But isn’t THAT where the light gets in??? What more can I want?
I must continue to get better at listening to the many hidden truths in each and every moment.
True equality is real
No longer am I the next level up on truth, above everyone else. No longer do I live better, act better, know better, or have a destination that is better.
Equality became real because I was no longer right. None of us are right. Actually, we are all wrong! Therefore there was no longer this drive to be right, which in turn makes others wrong.
The afterlife is no longer a distraction
When I thought that the goal of life is to make it to heaven and bring as many as possible out of this sinful world, then I was in a constant state of distraction from HERE AND NOW. All that exists is this present moment. We have no agency anywhere or anytime except for now. We have nothing but now. That is all we have. Removing the distraction of the afterlife allows me to appreciate so much more the life I have, right here, right now. Every breath I take, every step I take.
No more Christian wars.
War on the poor.
War on the refugees.
War on the prostitutes.
War on the sinners.
War on people that think differently.
War on people that are different.
No more maintaining my status of being better than…
No more maintaining my image of the good Christian.
As my heart grows bigger and bigger... more and more inclusive!
Love is truly unconditional
I don’t have to worry about saving the souls of others. I can just love them and care about them knowing that I am not any better than they are and that I am not here to change them.
Valuing life from the bottom up
I now get dirty because I’m already dirty. I now look at life from the bottom up, through the eyes of the brokenhearted, and through my own eyes of brokenheartedness. I no longer am harboring my perceived profundity and wisdom hoping to show it off. I am at the bottom. I am in the dirt with the rest of mankind.
A Genuine Heart of Sadness
"When you reject something false which you have been carrying about with you for generations, when you throw off a burden of any kind, what takes place? You have more energy, haven't you? You have more capacity, more drive, greater intensity and vitality. If you do not feel this, then you have not thrown off the burden, you have not discarded the dead weight of authority. But when you have thrown it off and have this energy in which there is no fear at all - no fear of making a mistake, no fear of doing right or wrong - then is not that energy itself the mutation? We need a tremendous amount of energy and we dissipate it through fear but when there is this energy which comes from throwing off every form of fear, that energy itself produces the radical inward revolution." (Freedom from the Known, Krishnamurti)
All of life is a teacher
As I realize that all of life is my teacher, one of my greatest teachers is me and my own reactions, my own hot buttons, my points of defendedness that evoke surprising, emotional reactions.
Often I stand there puzzled and confused asking myself, did I just do that or say that?
I feel it in my heart and in my stomach. And I’m learning that these buttons are my own areas of insecurity, uncertainty, dissonance, hurt, and trauma. They seem to be cracks in my facade. But isn’t THAT where the light gets in??? What more can I want?
I must continue to get better at listening to the many hidden truths in each and every moment.
True equality is real
No longer am I the next level up on truth, above everyone else. No longer do I live better, act better, know better, or have a destination that is better.
Equality became real because I was no longer right. None of us are right. Actually, we are all wrong! Therefore there was no longer this drive to be right, which in turn makes others wrong.
The afterlife is no longer a distraction
When I thought that the goal of life is to make it to heaven and bring as many as possible out of this sinful world, then I was in a constant state of distraction from HERE AND NOW. All that exists is this present moment. We have no agency anywhere or anytime except for now. We have nothing but now. That is all we have. Removing the distraction of the afterlife allows me to appreciate so much more the life I have, right here, right now. Every breath I take, every step I take.
No more Christian wars.
War on the poor.
War on the refugees.
War on the prostitutes.
War on the sinners.
War on people that think differently.
War on people that are different.
No more maintaining my status of being better than…
No more maintaining my image of the good Christian.
As my heart grows bigger and bigger... more and more inclusive!
Love is truly unconditional
I don’t have to worry about saving the souls of others. I can just love them and care about them knowing that I am not any better than they are and that I am not here to change them.
Valuing life from the bottom up
I now get dirty because I’m already dirty. I now look at life from the bottom up, through the eyes of the brokenhearted, and through my own eyes of brokenheartedness. I no longer am harboring my perceived profundity and wisdom hoping to show it off. I am at the bottom. I am in the dirt with the rest of mankind.
A Genuine Heart of Sadness
I never understood the value of this but part of my deconversion is getting worn out and tired to the bone. Actually, I was already weary to the bone. I felt a need to maintain a good witness to my Christianity by being happy happy happy. I got good at displaying the facade and using my default technique of “smile and nod.” Somehow, the way upward is toward happy heaven when reality and being real is a downward journey; down to the earth, down to where the brokenhearted live and move and have their being. I found that this is my place of belonging. Not up where everyone is striving to be and become but downward in solidarity with the poor and downtrodden, the tattered and torn, the battered and bruised. And a significant part of that belonging is authenticity; a genuine heart of sadness, knowing there are so many that are hurting in this world.
Abundance is a fountain that can only be tapped at the source, and that which is real lies at our Source, our Ground of Being.
The Surface is nothing but the scurrying around of busy-ness, chasing scarcity mindlessly like a dog chases its tail. If we stay on the surface, we can never go within, deeper, to the Source.
“Aren’t we troubled by our culture’s overemphasis on happiness? Don’t we fear that this rabid focus on exuberance leads to half-lives, to bland existences, to wastelands of mechanistic behavior?” (Eric G Wilson, Against Happiness: in praise of melancholy)
Sitting with Sadness & How it Can Lead to Awakening
Eric Wilson writes that “Sadness reconciles us to realities. It throws us into the flow of life,” because “When we are forced to face the fact that our existences are but mere blips on the scale of cosmic time, we realize how absolutely precious every instant is.” In the same way, Chokyi Nyiam Rinpoche writes that, “The profound sadness that overwhelms us when we understand the impermanent nature of all phenomena opens us up to the world around us.”
Struck by Sorrow
“When we experience profound sorrow and sadness, our vision of the world dramatically shifts into clearer focus. The clouded lens that shields our eyes from the truth of our being cracks, and the unencumbered light of reality pierces through—sometimes only for a moment. When we are struck by sorrow, all the walls that we’ve built up around ourselves under the auspices of safety and security—those defenses—begin to crumble.”
Profound Peace
And then there is the peace, the peace that transcends all understanding. Not peace based on hopes and dreams, assumptions and beliefs, but peace based on letting go and accepting life as it is and accepting me for who I am. It is a peace based on the freedom to be me without the need to be conformed to anything or anyone. A peace without agenda and without appeal.
I can rest easy knowing that I do not need to save anyone from hell.
When all of life is really right here and right now, then there are no distractions. Nothing to accomplish. Nothing for me to do or be. Just me. Just here. Just now. There is such peace in simplicity.
Basic Goodness
There is no more being born in sin and calling myself a sinner all of my life. I can rest in the great goodness that surrounds me. And when I act from this goodness, then my actions are good without any ulterior motives.
I can look at me and at life and at this world and at the universe and proclaim, “It is good.”
Loving mystery, wonder, and awe
No more fear of uncertainty since we share that with all of creation.
No more fear of the future. When we live HERE AND NOW,
then the future emerges gently as it unfolds before us;
Abundance is a fountain that can only be tapped at the source, and that which is real lies at our Source, our Ground of Being.
The Surface is nothing but the scurrying around of busy-ness, chasing scarcity mindlessly like a dog chases its tail. If we stay on the surface, we can never go within, deeper, to the Source.
“Aren’t we troubled by our culture’s overemphasis on happiness? Don’t we fear that this rabid focus on exuberance leads to half-lives, to bland existences, to wastelands of mechanistic behavior?” (Eric G Wilson, Against Happiness: in praise of melancholy)
Sitting with Sadness & How it Can Lead to Awakening
Eric Wilson writes that “Sadness reconciles us to realities. It throws us into the flow of life,” because “When we are forced to face the fact that our existences are but mere blips on the scale of cosmic time, we realize how absolutely precious every instant is.” In the same way, Chokyi Nyiam Rinpoche writes that, “The profound sadness that overwhelms us when we understand the impermanent nature of all phenomena opens us up to the world around us.”
Struck by Sorrow
“When we experience profound sorrow and sadness, our vision of the world dramatically shifts into clearer focus. The clouded lens that shields our eyes from the truth of our being cracks, and the unencumbered light of reality pierces through—sometimes only for a moment. When we are struck by sorrow, all the walls that we’ve built up around ourselves under the auspices of safety and security—those defenses—begin to crumble.”
Profound Peace
And then there is the peace, the peace that transcends all understanding. Not peace based on hopes and dreams, assumptions and beliefs, but peace based on letting go and accepting life as it is and accepting me for who I am. It is a peace based on the freedom to be me without the need to be conformed to anything or anyone. A peace without agenda and without appeal.
I can rest easy knowing that I do not need to save anyone from hell.
When all of life is really right here and right now, then there are no distractions. Nothing to accomplish. Nothing for me to do or be. Just me. Just here. Just now. There is such peace in simplicity.
The simplicity of just living, just being
I have been striving for years, all of my life, to understand my place in life, where I belong, how to live a meaningful life, and finding true purpose in life.
Finally, I am beginning to see that
there is no purpose in life except to live.
There is not meaning in life except to live.
There is no understanding of life except to live, listen, and learn.
And the only belonging there is is to rest in just being.
No more becoming.
No more striving.
No more yearning.
Just living life as it is.
Following the Way (the way it is) .
Basic Goodness
There is no more being born in sin and calling myself a sinner all of my life. I can rest in the great goodness that surrounds me. And when I act from this goodness, then my actions are good without any ulterior motives.
I can look at me and at life and at this world and at the universe and proclaim, “It is good.”
Loving mystery, wonder, and awe
No more fear of uncertainty since we share that with all of creation.
No more fear of the future. When we live HERE AND NOW,
then the future emerges gently as it unfolds before us;
while we live, listen, and learn.
No more fear of feeling lost because we are all as lost as the next person.
When we know these things we become like a child, seeing the world with wonder and awe.
“Where the mystery is the deepest is the gate of all that is subtle and wonderful.” (Lao Tzu)
These learnings or unlearnings provides the foundation for wisdom to grow.
Wisdom begins only when we face what we do not know; when we face our ignorance, our limitations, our nothingness, our smallness, our pride . . . and then let go . . .
True wisdom emerges only as we rise up from our ignorance and our nothingness rather than rising up out of what we think we know, what we want to be, and our illusion of somethingness; out of humility rather than pride, out of silence rather than noise, stillness rather than busyness.
There is no good and bad. There is just life!
"Something good happens? Good!
No more fear of feeling lost because we are all as lost as the next person.
When we know these things we become like a child, seeing the world with wonder and awe.
“Where the mystery is the deepest is the gate of all that is subtle and wonderful.” (Lao Tzu)
These learnings or unlearnings provides the foundation for wisdom to grow.
Wisdom begins only when we face what we do not know; when we face our ignorance, our limitations, our nothingness, our smallness, our pride . . . and then let go . . .
True wisdom emerges only as we rise up from our ignorance and our nothingness rather than rising up out of what we think we know, what we want to be, and our illusion of somethingness; out of humility rather than pride, out of silence rather than noise, stillness rather than busyness.
There is no good and bad. There is just life!
"Something good happens? Good!
Something bad happens? Good!" (Lao Tzu)
We think, especially in the western world, that everything is split up and broken down. We do this because we think it is necessary in order to study and understand things. But in reality, bad is just the flip side of good. Darkness is the flip side of light. Sorrow is the flip side of joy.
When we can let go of our dualistic thinking and embrace the reality of a nondual world, our eyes open in wonder as we learn to see that it is all good, it is all beautiful.
When we say do not judge, it is because it is anchored in reality. Judgement is irrelevant. I no longer look down on others. I can let go and just be. Live and let live.
This is for me perhaps the most deeply rooted conditioning. It is the hardest to uproot. All of my life, everything is right and wrong, good and bad, pretty or ugly. It is a knee jerk, automatic reaction. I expect people to think like me, believe like me, act like me, and be like me. The whole world references back to me because it is me that is better than everyone else. I would judge the clothes people wore, the cars they drove, their homes and neighborhoods, their workplaces; centering it all on me and what I thought was best or right or more meaningful. Among religions, mine was the best, making the others worse than mine. Even among my own Christian religion, we would judge other churches as not believing right, being too liberal, being too lax, too right, too left, never good enough. Here is an example:
“When it was published in 2001, the World Christian Encyclopedia counted 33,830 denominations worldwide; with the amount of debate and division over theology and orthodoxy since then, that number is undoubtedly higher.” Denominations | Topics
This fundamentalist thinking for me was so subtle that it took me 50 years to realize what I was doing. I’m so ashamed of what it may have done to others but now I am so free to just be and let others just be, as I seek forgiveness...
When we can let go of our dualistic thinking and embrace the reality of a nondual world, our eyes open in wonder as we learn to see that it is all good, it is all beautiful.
When we say do not judge, it is because it is anchored in reality. Judgement is irrelevant. I no longer look down on others. I can let go and just be. Live and let live.
This is for me perhaps the most deeply rooted conditioning. It is the hardest to uproot. All of my life, everything is right and wrong, good and bad, pretty or ugly. It is a knee jerk, automatic reaction. I expect people to think like me, believe like me, act like me, and be like me. The whole world references back to me because it is me that is better than everyone else. I would judge the clothes people wore, the cars they drove, their homes and neighborhoods, their workplaces; centering it all on me and what I thought was best or right or more meaningful. Among religions, mine was the best, making the others worse than mine. Even among my own Christian religion, we would judge other churches as not believing right, being too liberal, being too lax, too right, too left, never good enough. Here is an example:
“When it was published in 2001, the World Christian Encyclopedia counted 33,830 denominations worldwide; with the amount of debate and division over theology and orthodoxy since then, that number is undoubtedly higher.” Denominations | Topics
This fundamentalist thinking for me was so subtle that it took me 50 years to realize what I was doing. I’m so ashamed of what it may have done to others but now I am so free to just be and let others just be, as I seek forgiveness...
The humiliation of humility bursts forth with freedom.
“There is in all visible things an invisible fecundity, a dimmed light, a meek namelessness, a hidden wholeness. This mysterious Unity and Integrity is Wisdom, the Mother of all, Natura Naturans. There is in all things an inexhaustible sweetness and purity, a silence that is a fountain of action and of joy.” (Thomas Merton)
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