Monday, January 13, 2025

My Mom's Tears

My mom’s tears break my heart. I took the bus from Detroit where I live to Rockford where mom lives in a retirement assisted living home called StoryPoint. The first night I spent with her, we both woke up to her crying in her sleep in her bedroom. I checked on her to see if she was ok or if she needed anything. She woke up unaware of her weeping but wasn’t surprised that she had been. It was so sad and sorrowful. I’ll probably never forget that sound. 


Tomorrow is my mom's 88th birthday. Yesterday, the family had a birthday party for her. It was a very happy, festive time with two little babies, toddlers, and mom’s grandkids and her children. But my sister noticed her off to the side a couple of times, looking lost and then standing there in tears.. She sort of laughed at herself because suddenly she could not find dad, confused about where he was. He has always been there. But he passed away in September, 28 days after they had moved into StoryPoint. Although he was 88 years old, it was really unexpected, especially to mom. After devoting herself to him and this family, why was she the one left behind?


Dad and mom met when they were 5 years old in Reed City. They went to school together and both families went to the same church. They got married soon out of high school and devoted themselves to raising us three kids. Both of my parents were the most unselfish and caring people I know. Mom’s place and purpose in life was caring for family side by side. I’m forever grateful for having such a loving and supportive family.


After they had been married for 66 years, my dad died leaving mom to continue living her life alone. Whenever we talk, often several times a day, she longs for his companionship and wonders why she was the one that had been left behind.   


It is 7 AM and I have not been able to sleep thinking about my mom’s poignant grief. I found myself almost sleeping but then repeatedly waking up in my own tears. I’ve been laying here very mad at life being so cruel to such a kind and caring person. Hopefully my tears will dry up long enough to get a little sleep, although I know my heart will remain broken for her. This brokenheartedness is how I will remember my parents’ unconditional compassion. It is also how I will continue to grieve my dad’s death.


None of us signed up for this death thing but no one gets out of this life alive!

“In this life, there is devastation that human beings experience here that defies understanding: pain so all-consuming and loss so indescribable that wrapping our minds around it or explaining it is simply beyond capacity.

“At times, nature and circumstance remind us all with breathtaking ferocity and blinding speed just how fleeting and fragile we are, how tenuous being here is; the velocity at which everything we know and own and hold dear can be ripped from us without warning or reason.” (John Pavolovich, writing in Subnet about the California fires)

 

Saturday, November 30, 2024

Living with Open Hands 2.0 (Table of Contents)

 Living with Open Hands 2.0

Preface: Preparation for Going Beyond the Pale

(A Framework for Inquiry and Reflection)


Living with Open Hands 1.0 

Living with Open Hands is an outward expression of the inner work of opening the Mind, Heart, and Will. This opening up requires open eyes and open ears that see and hear with the heart . . . a "Seeing" that goes beneath the surface . . . to the heart, the center, the silence. 


Living with Open Hands 1.0 was the beginning of 18 years of blogging. I had so many questions and so much dissonance that I had to write in order to better formulate all of my questions. I also found a way or a framework emerging for me to use alongside my religious / spiritual journey to make sure that I was maintaining my humanity along with my spiritual practice. But as I continued, the story began to change significantly. I realized that the more human I became, the less religious I could be in good conscience. And then I found the dissonance getting even greater, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. It wasn't until I let go of all dogma and doctrine that I could sense some resonance and harmony.


Nothing is "fixed" or absolute. There is no certainty. There is no solid ground. Why??? Because everything is changing constantly. This is not what I was taught all my life, for 50 years. I didn't like it. But I finally was able to accept this truth. So 5 years ago, I started to write Living with Open Hands 2.0. I had stopped writing because I was so astounded at what I was discovering. I had to decide whether to be fully human, authentic and honest, or be labeled, categorized, and boxed by some high- minded people stuffed up with dogma. The decision presented itself plainly. I no longer wanted to be a second hand person. So then, I knew I needed to begin to write again, if I were to maintain my own sanity and keep seeking to understand; following the truth wherever it may lead.

This https://livingwithopenhands1.blogspot.com/ led to this https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/ 


I Don’t Write because I Know.

I Write because I Don’t Know.

I Don’t Write because I Understand.

I Write as a Way of Seeking Understanding.

For me, Writing Has Become a Disruptive,

Transformational Process of Inquiry.


The reality of being human
“If you wish to become a philosopher, the first thing to realise is that most people go through life with a whole world of beliefs that have no sort of rational justification, and that one man’s world of beliefs is apt to be incompatible with another man’s, so that they cannot both be right. People’s opinions are mainly designed to make them feel comfortable; truth, for most people is a secondary consideration.”
Bertrand Russell, The Art of Philosophizing and other Essays (1942)

"We become especially hostile when trying to defend opinions we know, deep down, are false. Rather than trying on a different pair of goggles, we become mental contortionists, twisting and turning until we find an angle of vision that keeps our current views intact." [Adam Grant]



Living with Open Hands 2.0 

Table of Contents

 

Why I Write (2.0)


The Dissonance of Structural Incoherence

Too Big To Fail

Introduction

My Philosophical Evolution

Living with Open Hands 2.0      

          -- a continuing evolvement 

Seeing the World through the Eyes of the Brokenhearted and 

       Seeing the World through our own Eyes of Brokenheartedness

Learning to See


Part 1: The House Built on Sand Will Not Withstand the Storms of Life

Chapter 1: My Demise

My Foundations Began to Crumble

Disruption of Destructive Strongholds


“The blizzard, the blizzard of the world

Has crossed the threshold

And it's overturned

The order of the soul.” 

(Leonard Cohen)


The Power of Stories

The Macro-Narratives and the Micro-Narratives that Shape Our World

The Fictions that Thought Creates

A Downward Journey

Die Before You Die

Downloaded Thinking / Cultural Conditioning

The Violence of the Machine

The Virus of the Mind; a mental health pandemic

Labeling, Categorizing, Dehumanizing ,and Eliminating

The Trouble with Normal

Silence at the Center

WOKE!

Into the Abyss

Fragmentation or Wholeness

Chapter 2: My Deconstruction

Breaking It Wide Open -- Seeing the Total Incoherence

Demolition of Underlying Strongholds and Constructs

13 Reasons Why - The Deconstruction of my Deconversion

Second Hand Person

A Circular Paradox?

How Do We Know That We Know What We Know???

Did you know? WE ARE ALL WRONG...

Knowing and Unknowing, Truth and Untruth

Permanency

Making the Unconscious Conscious

A Shift of Authority

What is This Drive to Convince? … to Be Right???

Opinionation

Comfort, Security, Certainty

Grasping, Gripping, Groping, Griping

This Unknowing

Perspectives on Seeing

Through Alien Eyes

Contentment or Satisfaction

The Tyranny of Thought

Politics of Violence

Mediated versus Unmediated Living

Chapter 3: My Deconversion

The Absolute Necessity of the Demolition of All Human Constructs

Dogma, Creeds, Doctrine, Theologies, Underlying Assumptions

> Doctrinal Dissonance and Biblical Contradictions

The Image of God

That Which is Greater Than Me

Behold Thy God

Righteous Savior Syndrome

The Underpinnings of Faith

An Old, Old Story

          based on crumbling foundations

Heaven and Hell

          and other such stories

How Holy is the Holy Book?

10 Commandments -- the best morality of all time?

Hoodwinked & Hijacked

Immigration, Homosexuality, and Abortion -- a biblical and historical perspective

Bedrock of Being

Philosophical Suicide

Dogma

> Christians Bearing False Witness Against Christianity

Caring Too Much

All Lives Matter?

Understanding

Compassion First

Violence at the Core

Words Matter

The Trauma of Toxicity

Democracy or Hypocrisy

Informed Choice: the missing link

If Only . . .

Being a Victim of Change

Triggering Fear

Voices of the People

What Works?

These Stories

WWJD

Cairn of Remembrance

On Prayer

Magical Thinking

Truth or Lies ... YOU choose

Part 2: The House Built on a Solid Foundation Will Withstand the Storms of Life

Chapter 4: My Reconstruction

Rebuilding a Solid Foundation -- From Incoherence to Wholeness

> Internal Reconstruction (perspective, attitude, values, understanding)

How We Think and See…

with an open mind, open heart, and open will.

The Inward Journey

Static or Dynamic; Stuck or Unfolding?

Being Open to Me

Unclenching the Fists

The Cocoon

Hope and Freedom

Blind Spot

Truth, Wisdom, Meaning

My Sacred Path of the Amoeba

Significance and Relevance

Thoughts on Thought

The Sacred and the Profane

I - Thou (versus) I - It


> External Reconstruction (words, relationships, community, politics)
How We Act, React, and Interact...

with an open mind, open heart, and open will

Being Political

Democracy or Hypocrisy?

Politics of Violence

Truth or Lies - You choose

Voices of the People

Virus of the Mind; a mental health pandemic

Labeling, Categorizing, Dehumanizing ,and Eliminating

Feed the Hungry? Really???

Socialism -- Evil and Godless?

Liberal??? What does that even mean???

Progressive & Open versus Regressive & Closed

Mad World - Are We Listening?

Alternative Reality

A Christian Nation???

The Essence of Democracy... The Essence of Reality

Chapter 5: My Worldview -- a new story emerging

How Then Shall I Live?

The Strength of Vulnerability; The Power of Gentleness

Being Human Together

The Necessity of Diversity

Ubuntu

Great Conversation

A Page of Lost Questions

Incidental Graces

The Great Circle of Life and Death


A Tentative Conclusion


Even though this blog reflects a total deconstruction and deconversion, an uprooting and destruction of my beliefs and dogma that I followed all my life, I realized that my very basic guidelines for living, individually and collectively, have not changed at all. There are still the same. And I am still me. See:


Bibliography



Friday, November 29, 2024

My Disturbing Understanding

 A Paradigm Shift? My disturbing understanding.


“One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.” (J. Krishnamurti)


We constantly desire certainty, which gives us security and comfort. Thought cannot rest until it knows, and knows for sure. This restlessness can only produce its own varied conclusions.


And yet the reality, the only constant, in this universe is neverending change, leaving us hanging without knowing, without answers, without certainty. Therefore there is no security, no comfort in what we already know. Because what we know is only what we THINK we know. But thought is limited and can only produce conclusions, concepts, delusions, illusions, stories in the mind. 

How then shall we live?


How do we stop clinging to all that we think we know???


I keep reminding myself that if I already know... I can no longer learn.


Life is quite disturbing at its core, no matter how I look at it. 


BUT THIS is the truth that sets us free.


Freedom from the known

"Now, freedom from all that, is freedom from the known; it is the state of a mind which says, "I do not know", and which is not looking for an answer. Such a mind is completely not seeking not expecting; and it is only in this state that you can say, "I understand". It is the only state in which the mind is free, and from that state you can look at the things that are known - but not the other way round. From the known you cannot possibly see the unknown; but when once you have understood the state of a mind that is free - which is the mind that says, "I don't know" and remains unknowing, and is therefore innocent - , from that state you can function, you can be a citizen, you can be married, or what you will. Then what you do has relevance, significance in life. But we remain in the field of the known, with all its conflicts, striving, disputes, agonies, and from that field we try to find that which is unknown; therefore we are not really seeking freedom. What we want is the continuation, the extension of the same old thing: the known." - 

J. Krishnamurti The Collected Works Vol. XIV Saanen 3rd Public Talk 11th July 1963


Disturbing the comfortable:


“I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound us and stab us. If the book we are reading doesn’t wake us up with a blow on the head, what are we reading it for  . . . we need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the ax for the frozen sea inside us.” (Franz Kafka)


Knowing what reality is, is like running in circles


"Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends on what we look for. What we look for depends on what we think. What we think depends on what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. What we take to be true is our reality." 
(David Bohm, physicist and thought leader in areas of communication, language, dialogue, thought, perceptions, and assumptions)

Navigating Grief on an Endless Sea of Uncertainty

 Navigating Grief on an Endless Sea of Uncertainty

The last thing I’m trying to do here is give answers. I have none. But I do continue to have questions, neverending questions, ever spiraling deeper.


One thing I’m noticing is that the greater the pain, the deeper the grief; and the deeper the grief, the more memories. The pain of loss fades away but the pain of grief begets memories. I really do not want my grief to go away. I prefer to nurture it as it brings forth memories.


To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.  To know the dark, go dark.  Go without sight, and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings, and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings. (Wendell Berry) Too often we bring our floodlights of hope to a wake. In a time of mourning, why do we resist the sorrow. For me, it is that grief that brings into focus our memories. Our glaring floodlight of happy, happy, happy, and hope, hope, hope blinds us to our pain, the very thing we need that allows us to process our grief. Why do we feel such intense need to alleviate the pain of others when that pain is there to do its work. We must not short-circuit the grief process for ourselves or for others. 

Even though my pain and my grief from my father’s death is not as overwhelming and intense (for some reason) as it is for others, I won’t allow guardrails of protection. It has free reign to do its work in my life, no matter how deep, or long, or overwhelming, or intense it gets. It is there to do a work that nothing else can do within me. No limiting, no binding, no blinding, no dulling, and no fencing it in. Just like free-range chickens, we know that when we take down the fences, the whole farm gets healthier. That is the only way anything can become healthy, whole, and its best self. So SORROW, “HAVE AT IT”! I SURRENDER! And again I say, Hineni: Here Am I! (Living with Open Hands 2.0)

In a dark time, the eye begins to see. (Roethke)

So I am teaching myself to rest in uncertainties, to revel in the secrets of darkness. (Lindsay Mead)

All of life is mystery but I tend to think that in light, the mystery is much more tightly held to the chest. Whereas in darkness, the mystery just may come out to play, only if it feels safe in our stillness, observing just long enough to let its presence be known but not long enough to be seen or to reveal itself. For me, inklings of truth are leaked at the edge of darkness only when I sit quietly giving sustained attention. Sort of like sitting quietly in the woods waiting for a glimpse of a wild animal that lives there.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers. . . . Live the questions for now.” (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet)


After living a life of unquestioned certainty by following evangelical christianity, I find myself struggling more and less than ever with death and grief, especially that of my dad.


I come from a family of generations of devout christians. I don’t know of any relative that ever questioned that certainty, or, heaven forbid, turned away. My father, who died on September 17, 2024, was a strong and respected leader among those christians along with holding well known leadership positions in his church and community. A few months ago, he turned to me and, with tears in his eyes, said that he knows death is coming soon. Then he said that he didn’t know what he would do if he did not have his christian beliefs to hold tight to; literally clinging for dear life. His voice was strained with both fear and hope. He has been convincing himself that he must hang on to his beliefs of heaven along with coping with his dread of death and all that is unknown.  But his convincement left him believing deeply that he did not have to fear death because he knew he was going to heaven to be with Jesus. The earnestness of those words deeply touched me and convinced me even more of the strength of his convictions. With this memory locked in my mind, I found myself reassuring others at the funeral and afterward, especially my mom, that all we can do is hang on tight to what we know. For her, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would soon be united with my dad, having been friends since they were 5 years old, married when they were 20, and she knew she was soon to follow him at her age, 87. 88 was the age of his death. 


For me, it was quite an experience attending dad’s funeral and seeing all of these friends and families from the past 80 years showing up to give their respects. The hardest thing for me was to keep hearing these automatic phrases about heaven and seeing him again. In this culture it felt like we were a bunch of automatons that didn’t know what else to say besides what has been drummed into our heads over a lifetime. It had my head spinning but then I remembered the recent words of my friend in Grand Rapids that believes like me as the outlier in her family also. She said that usually she would seek out groups of people that were not too full of religious talk and just be with them. I felt very fortunate that my family’s best friends from childhood were there. When I heard the laughter at their table, I approached them and said I’m looking for the friendliest table here and they quickly made room for me. I can’t find words for how grateful I was for them.


Inside me was constant turmoil in the face of these certainties that so many clinged to. For the last 17 years, I had been questioning everything that I had been told all my life; a long and painful process that I documented in my blog Living with Open Hands (http://ronirvine.wordpress.com). When I started writing I had no idea where this quest for truth, honesty, and authenticity would lead me. I had no agenda and certainly did not plan that this process would lead me to let go of all dogma and religious beliefs. I just knew that I had to follow the truth no matter where it would lead. 


So about 8 years ago, it struck me that if I was going to be honest, I would have to start by being honest with myself. The process of writing allows me to speak this truth to myself. Writing is the best way I know to express this evolution of soul, heart, and mind. (See Living with Open Hands 2.0 https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/) But I have continued to struggle with speaking this truth to others. I was afraid that if my parents were to find out that I no longer believed the stories that made up my magical childhood religion, it would break their hearts, especially my dad, since he believed so deeply and strongly. My mom loved him so deeply that she could not bear it either. What if we are not going to see each other again after death? Unthinkable!


I also think that if my parents found out about my unbelief, an even greater heartbreak would come from their belief that if they raise children in the ways of the lord, when they are old, they will not depart from it. I believe that this is their primary purpose in parenting. So I’m the black sheep, the wayward son, the misfit in so many ways.


The very essence of life contains within it the cycles of life and death. It doesn’t matter what religion or beliefs, theist or nontheist, these truths stand true. When I first began writing, I still considered myself to be a christian, I had a growing dissonance between what I thought I knew to be true and what I cannot know and what the religion I professed told me to believe. I realized that my greatest stumbling block, this juxtaposition, this quagmire is that it is UNTHINKABLE! I had to deny the dissonance until I couldn’t any more. This is where my 2.0 version                                                https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/ picked up.


Constant change is the one certainty that destroys all possible certainty

My spiritual journey sure has confused my grieving process. Uncertainty is the one thing that we know for sure. Constant change is the one certainty that destroys all possible certainty. This is the essence of the creation within which we live. These truths, we cannot deny. Looking back on my philosophical evolution, I marvel at how great this dissonance grew to be. 


How could I hold on to the certainty of my religious beliefs, of life after death, of heaven; knowing that there is nothing that is certain. 

We know that life ends, usually unexpectedly. 

We know that no one knows anything about life after death. 

We know that no matter how much we want to know, it is not possible to know. 

We are all left living in a universe that we know is in constant change, uncertainty, unknowing, and mystery. 


None of us are given a special dispensation of knowledge of the universe, life, death, and the future of mankind or the future of any one of us individually. 


Down deep we know that all of that all of this hidden knowledge cannot be contained in a book 


And this god of the bible saw it fit to live for thousands of years without expressing himself to us. The only attributes he left us is silence and invisibility.


When I gave my mom hope by saying that all we can do is hang on to what we know, I did not explain the reality of knowing. 


There is knowing what we think we know (the stories in our minds, that which we have been told). 


There is knowing what we can know (reality, “what is”, that which is verifiable, what we can see and touch, and that which science gives us evidence of).


There is knowing that can lead to certainty as a human construct (dogma, religion and its unverifiable stories).


There is knowing that can lead to uncertainty (If we already know, we can no longer learn) as we live with open hands as an expression of an open mind, open heart, and open will.


This last knowing that can only lead to uncertainty is the type of knowing that is real, for me. Maybe it is better to call it unknowing. Trying to create certainty where there is none is futile, like grasping the wind. So what I am left with is that I do not know and cannot know about things that are life’s mysteries; like death and life after death. 


Back down to earth, day by day

One thing that I’m understanding is that grief is different from loss. Loss is what brings the pain. Grief is what nurtures the memories. Grief goes deeper and lasts longer, while doing its work in us. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that and the following:


"Grief requires us to know the time we're in. The great enemy of grief is hope. Hope is the four-letter word for people who are unwilling to know things for what they are.


"Our time requires us to be hope-free -- to burn through the false choice of being hopeful or hopeless. They are two sides of the same con job. Grief is required to proceed." (Stephen Jenkinson)


"The depth of your grief is the measure of your love." (Joanna Macy)



"The human longing for certainty in an uncertain world perhaps accounts for the idolatrous way in which some treat certain religious symbols.". (Jan M. Long)


“The very desire to be certain, to be secure, is the beginning of bondage. It’s only when the mind is not caught in the net of certainty, and is not seeking certainty, that it is in a state of discovery.” (Krishnamurti)


“I am asking myself what is fear, not what I am afraid of.

I lead a certain kind of life; I think in a certain pattern; I have

certain beliefs and dogmas and I don’t want those patterns of

existence to be disturbed because I have my roots in them. I don’t

want them to be disturbed because the disturbance produces a state

of unknowing and I dislike that. If I am torn away from everything

I know and believe, I want to be reasonably certain of the state of

things to which I am going. So the brain cells have created a

pattern and those brain cells refuse to create another pattern which

may be uncertain. The movement from certainty to uncertainty is

what I call fear.” (Jiddu Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known)


Mourning Soul

"This is what Grief feels like..

Don’t judge it

Don’t rush it

Don’t dismiss it

Don’t suppress it

There is no Rulebook for Grief.

It comes in waves. And I pray for the ones

who feel as though they’re drowning."

This sculpture is in Switzerland ~ I think it expresses grief perfectly. ❤️

By Albert Gyorgy and it is entitled

"Mélancolie


Philosophical Suicide

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2020/11/philosophical-suicide.html 


Comfort, Security, Certainty

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2019/08/comfort-security-certainty.html 

Heaven and Hell and other such stories

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2021/03/heaven-and-hell-and-other-such-stories.html 

Living the Questions

https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/living-the-questions/ 




“The lust for comfort 

murders the passion of the soul, 

and then walks grinning in the funeral.” 

(Kahlil Gibran)



“People wish to be settled.

Only as far as they are unsettled

is there any hope for them.”

(Emerson)




"There is no real certainty 

until you burn; 

if you wish for this, 

sit down in the fire.”

(Rumi)




Since…

Constant change is the one certainty 

that destroys all possible certainty

Then what do we do with this human

Lust for security

Addiction to certainty

Our all consuming desire

For comfortableness???

How do we reconcile

Being human with

The realities of this universe?


This we have been doing for thousands of years. 

Civilization was created 

to comfort and calm the masses.

Society was formed 

to give conformity and control

To those unquenchable masses

On the edge of chaos and anarchy

Throughout the ages.


That… is the point of civilization:

Mass comfort, control, conformity, 

certainty, and security.

Civilization’s answer is religion;

The opiate of the masses.


No longer is there a need to fear death. 

Through religion we can be true believers

With delusions of comfort, security, and certainty.

For life and for death and for anything imaginable in between: NO MORE FEAR.

SEE: (Sam Keen on Ernest Becker in death)

https://youtu.be/-7FaWj9i9XI?si=nL8O3MEMUyVySVDp 



Consciousness of our Demise


The human dilemma is that we can honestly look at the predicament we are in. Or we can choose a world and life view that fits what we want to believe, truth be damned.


“This is the terror: to have emerged from nothing, to have a name, consciousness of self, deep inner feelings, an excruciating inner yearning for life and self-expression - and with all this yet to die” 

(Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death).



Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Living Beyond Religion


Beyond being Religious to being Human


Has Letting Go of Dogma Changed Me?


My ideals, my character, my morality? NO!

Where I stand depends on where I sit. 
In other words, what I stand for in life depends on where I situate myself daily.
Because my place in life is intentional.
My place in life shapes how I see, my perspective, my assumptions, my viewpoint, my world and life view.


Living Beyond Religion

“There remains an experience of incomparable value. We have for once learned to see the great events of world history from below, from the perspective of the outcasts, the suspects, the maltreated — in short, from the perspective of those who suffer. Mere waiting and looking on is not Christian behavior. Christians are called to compassion and to action.”
– Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Letters from Prison, p.16)

“The fact that people became heroes and sheroes can be credited to their ability to identify and empathize with the ‘other.’ These men and women could continue to live quite comfortably with their slow temperament but they chose not to. They made the decision to be conscious of the other –the homeless, the downtrodden and the oppressed. Heroism has nothing to do with skin color or social status. It is a state of mind and a willingness to act for what is right and just.” (Maya Angelou)

The three quotes above resonate deeply in me and have been doing so all of my life. They are the very core of my values, my golden rule. They shape and define who I am. And that has not changed as my philosophy has evolved. Actually, these values have even gotten stronger as I have progressed beyond religion. Blogging since 2006 has been part of the process. The focus of my blogging has been to unravel the cultural conditioning that has boggled and
stagnated my mind all of my life, while doing the inner work of chiseling out my own values and beliefs rather than just adopting those that have been handed to me. When I started blogging, it became clear to me that I wanted to use a language of inclusion rather than exclusion; a language of peace rather than division. Therefore I decided to minimize my use of the word God since it has so many meanings around the world (I've had visitors to my blog from 150 countries) and often any canned religious language can be quite divisive. My understanding has greatly deepened since then in so many ways. It has helped me to grow and see how critical it is to try to exclude all dogmatic language, beliefs, and thinking.

Religion is not worth its weight in dirt unless its followers can testify to real change. This testimony must attest to a deep transformation of character within, with others, and within our universe. This testimony must also be attested to by those that have been the most oppressed, thereby becoming the most vulnerable in the societies wherein said religion supposedly exists. Outside of this impact, all forms of religion rest in the dirt as nothing more than a temporal joke; here today, gone tomorrow.

"On this side of the wall between the religious and the nonreligious is so much more light, air, and space. I'm so much more accepting, so much interested in other ideas, so much interested in education, so much less judgmental, less phobic. It matters." (Seth Andrews)

“For the simplicity on this side of complexity, I wouldn't give you a fig. But for the simplicity on the other side of complexity, for that I would give you anything I have.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes)


We must "develop our own capacity for spaciousness within ourselves to allow others to be as they are — that is love. And that doesn’t mean that we don’t have hopes or wishes that things are changed or shifted, but that to come from a place of love is to be in acceptance of what is, even in the face of moving it towards something that is more whole, more just, more spacious for all of us. It’s bigness. It’s allowance. It’s flexibility." (Rev. angel Kyodo williams.   https://onbeing.org/programs/the-world-is-our-field-of-practice-apr2018/)

Clearing out the illusions of dogma has, 
for me, been so freeing!!!

This inner work that I have been doing can be captured with the metaphor of woodcarving. We carefully choose a log, which looks nothing like what is real, essential, and necessary in the finished product. But we know that it has the capacity to become what we imagine. We can imagine it in there. In order to get rid of the excess, I ask myself the question as I carve, is this part necessary to create a meaningful image. Most of that process is removing that which is not part of the thing I'm creating. Although the final product is beyond my knowing, it is not beyond my imagination. I keep chiseling away and eventually an image begins to emerge almost as if it had always been there although it could not have been seen by the world or by me except in my imagination.

In other words, I have been doing the inner work of removing all that is unnecessary and nonessential so that what is left is real; that which is essential and absolutely necessary.

Another way to look at things is that some people require a high level of mediation to steer them toward the truth. The stories, the saints, the rituals, and holy days (holidays) are necessary for them not to lose touch with what is real and what is essential. But others of us need to clear out all of that mediation (mediated worship, mediated learning, mediated spirituality) in order to directly approach the sacred in which "we live and move and have our being."

"Remembering that the universe is so much larger than our ability to comprehend, let us go forth from this time together with the resolve to stop trying to reduce the incomprehensible to our own petty expectations, so that wonder - that sense of what is sacred - can find space to open up our minds and illumine our lives."- Marjorie Newlin Leaming -

I don’t see what has been happening to me as 'losing my religion' so much as learning to 'live beyond religion;' clearing space that has been cluttered by assumptions and dogma and beliefs, making room for better conversations, better thinking, and better understanding of reality and truth.

Religion will always be a part of who I am. A foundational part of my development as a child. But now, as I become a man, I must leave behind the childish things that are no longer necessary or essential and stand up into who I am at this time and at this place in my life; unmediated by my conditioning, all those voices (cultural and religious) that have been me who I am, at times yelling at me. Now I see those voices as external influences driving me toward conformity and normalcy. I am learning to hear my internal teacher telling me who I am, why I am here, and what I do about it through reflection, contemplation, discernment, found at my center of silence, from which I emerge as my own true self.


Perceptions and ideas, opinions and beliefs have a tendency to divide people or draw small groups of people together while excluding those that don’t agree. With the intention of being unconditional and inclusive, they become exclusive and conditional. There was a time when tribalism and nationalism is what we needed to survive. But in a global society, these beliefs and practices will destroy us. This exclusionary approach is not acceptable anymore in a world that is in constant contact with people globally, where we no longer depend on our tribe to survive but rather we depend on all people to survive. At one time, we had no other options but to consider our tribe to be our whole world, but no more. We must learn to live together as one human race honoring and sustaining our mother earth and mother nature upon which we all depend.

I am beginning to understand that the process or “journey” I’ve been on was inevitable. I did not choose it. It chose me. Often, I’ve thought about how much easier it would be to go back to my religion box and crawl in and be spoon fed,
being told:
What to think
How to think
What to believe
How to believe.
Who is right
Who is wrong
Who to include
Who to exclude
Who is deserving of love
Who is not deserving
Who is deserving to live
Who must die or be sent away.

I am not saying that everyone should believe like I do (or like I don’t). Some people can tolerate a great level of dissonance or often are probably not even aware of it. Not me... Some people need to have a system of belief, a human construct, that has been handed down to them in a prefab package in order to make sense of (or mediate) the complexities of life and death. Not me... After all, people have had these stories, myths, and theologies since the beginning of the human race, using them to bring people together for survival and protection from the "other". Finding answers to the great mysteries and naming “that which is greater than me” with labels like "God" are important and even necessary for them. Some people can insulate themselves from the piercing questions that keep coming at us from life and be fine without addressing them outside of their myths. 

Myths replace disciplined inquiry in the same way that religion replaces the discernment of truth necessary for human morality. Any authority from the outside informing our inner values, beliefs, and morals is superficial. By downloading those extremely valuable things to guide our lives, we are short circuiting what it takes to discern the truth from the inside. When this process is inside out, then there is integrity. When it is outside in, it is superficial and suspect, earmarked for the discernment necessary to vet the truth and understand reality.

This outside-in process works for so many people that wish to download the second hand answers
as long as it results in thinking that is sustainable for all of life,
as long as it creates a world that works for all,
as long as it includes all and is unconditional,
as long as "pro-life" begins with nurturing that which is sacred and that which sustains all of life, which must include the earth under our feet and taking care of the most vulnerable among us.

This outside-in process, these second hand answers, will never work. Truth for daily living must be arrived at through the inner work of inner discernment.

But I cannot be "comfortably numb." (Pink Floyd)
I cannot be "blindly oblivious." (Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death")

There is something about who I am that will not allow me to settle for pat answers and spoon-fed thinking.

There is an inner compulsion to question everything like the fire that purifies gold, burning off the dross (everything that is not essential, not absolutely necessary).

I am realizing that those are the things that have been creating dissonance deep within. I can no longer live with the dissonance and contradictions but rather I am compelled to embrace the paradoxes and mysteries through inquiry.

I have found that the “answers” that we cling to, the beliefs that we have been told, the theologies that we have been taught, fall far short of what I need. I’m no longer going to tell myself the stories of the past to try to make sense and find meaning in life. For me, this is like building my house on shifting sand, leaving me without a solid foundation even though I know that there is no certainty or security. In the life I know and live, the only constant is change just like shifting sand. I must ask the questions that emerge in the present moment and the answers can only come from current knowledge that we have here and now. The gaps of what we do not know are getting smaller and smaller. I do not need to fill those gaps with a god of my making, or a god of the past, or ancient myths; thus obliterating the awe and wonder of mystery.

All of society (including politics and religion) 
is designed to teach us not to think.
Just fit in.
Believe what you have been taught.
Do what you are told.
And allow yourself to be conformed to the world.
That way you can be a good little human.
That way you can be a part of the human herd.
That way your voice can be buried and silenced 
under the cultural weight of conformity.

For me, this conformity to the world 
applies primarily to the source of our authority.
To what do we answer?
To whom do we answer?
After what do we pattern our lives?
After whom do we pattern our lives?
Does our perception of reality come from inner discernment?
Or does our perception of reality come from what other people have told us?
Do our values and beliefs come from inner discernment?
Or do our values and beliefs come from what other people have told us?
Does the source of my life come from an internal authority?
Or is my identity derived from external authority; books, teachers, philosophies, religions, politics, consumerism, media, and on and on.
Do they belong to others or to me???
Am I second hand or am I original???

These are life or death questions.

Wednesday, June 28, 2023

The great circle of life and death

Press, oh press in the day of destruction
The listening ear to the earth,
And you will hear, through your sleep
You will hear,
How in death
Life begins.
(Nelly Sachs)

Life arises spontaneously from itself.
There is nothing that is done.
There is nothing we can do, 
except watch in wonder.

We are constantly trying to force and control things, 
trying to fit them into our own mental constructs and expectations of what we think should be in order to appease our comfort, security, and certainty;
trying to fit in and conform to this world 
with all of its expectations and demands.
This is the essence of all cultures, religions, and belief systems.

But a paradigm shift for me was when I started to look at life through the eyes of life itself. 

How does nature work? It doesn't. No effort. No force. It just is and sustains; innately, naturally. 

The sun comes up and the sun goes down.
After day, it is night. After night it is day.
There is no ending. The night becomes the beginning of another day.
Everything first "is"; while everything is becoming whatever is next.
Trees shed their leaves, rest dormantly as they naturally prepare for new leaves in the spring.

There is no ending. AND there is no knowing. There is just being and becoming. 
There is nothing we must do to make this work
except to let go and let come. 
We do not have to explain anything to the trees or the bees.
They just know that after that which seemed complete wasn’t,
because that which is new is already becoming.
There is no destination, only process. There is nothing more to achieve or accomplish. 
There is only life and death. There is only beginning and becoming without ending. 
Nothing is final, nothing is complete. It is all life, the force that does not force, the process.
Continuing to create and sustain everything.
There is no destination because it is all process. It all continues to unfold. 
In death it enfolds, waiting until that which is next; 
ready to unfold as unfoldment gives new life; 
already becoming, unfolding like a flower blooms.
Every ending is a new beginning.

And yet, we insecure humans want answers. 
We cannot trust the process; 
what was, is what was; what is, is what is; 
and what will be, we'll see. That's it. 
When will we learn that all we have is "what is"; here and now?

Death is merely a transition.
Universes are born and die.
Stars are formed from dust
blazing brightly providing light and life 
to all living beings.

This is the beautiful dance of creation
of birth, expansion, decay, and death.
And it happens all by itself
with absolute effortlessness. 

Life simply lives itself

The following is from the article at this link. It has deeply touched me: https://www.unbrokenself.com/7-life-changing-things-i-learned-from-the-tao-te-ching/ 

Humans are the only species that think that we have to do life.

1. “The Tao does nothing, but nothing is left undone
This is perhaps my favorite quote from the Tao Te Ching. That simple little sentence hit me like a freight train, and changed my view of life forever.

But what does it actually mean?

Lao Tzu uses the word ‘Tao’ to refer to the totality of all things. It’s both the creative life force from which the universe arises and the essence of all that exists in it. You might think of it as both the cause and the effect — the intelligence behind life and the very substance of life.

And you know what?

It’s all doing itself!

Life is running this grand show all by itself.

Universes are born and die. Stars are formed from dust, blazing brightly, providing light and life to all living beings, all of whom flicker on and off throughout eternity like fireflies. The dance of creation — of birth, expansion, decay, and death — happens quite by itself, like a vast cosmic program playing itself out across eternity — and it all happens with absolute effortlessness!

Life simply lives itself. 
There’s no notion of ‘doership’ involved. 
The Earth doesn’t have to get stressed about the momentous task of revolving around the sun. A person certainly would. So much pressure! But it just happens. Similarly, rivers don’t stop to ponder their long journey back to the sea and fret about whether they’ll ever actually make it. Again, it just happens.

All things, when unobstructed, simply follow their own nature; each a thread in the immense tapestry of existence.

The only species with ideas to the contrary 
are human beings.

We think we somehow have to do life. We have this terrible burden of trying to make life work and getting things to match up to how we think they should be. My spiritual teacher, James Swartz, once said, “It’s not the doing that’s so exhausting, it’s the notion of doership”. It’s the idea that I’m somehow responsible for making all this work.

I’m not. You’re not, either. The human mind, in all its wondrous yet buggy glory, simply thinks it is.

For me, the number one lesson of the Tao Te Ching is to let go of this compulsion to continually try to control and manipulate reality.

Life will carry us if we let it. There’s a deeper intelligence inherent in everything; an innate balance and flow that, contrary to what we might think, is part of a vast, underlying perfection.

Life has been at this for a very long time. It knows what it’s doing. We human beings show up at the last minute and somehow think we’re responsible for running the entire show. It’s quite funny actually.

This doesn’t mean we should never take action because our action is part of the universe in motion. As it says in the Bhagavad Gita, “the wise see action in inaction and inaction in action”. But we’re personally not responsible for making the world turn or keeping the cosmos in motion. You can guarantee it’ll be here for eons after all trace of the human race has vanished.

So why don’t we just relax, get with the flow and enjoy the show?

2. Think you can improve the universe? I’d like to see you try!
Well, actually I wouldn’t. It’d be a mess. (No offense).

In verse 29, Lao Tzu tells us that if we think we can control the universe and somehow improve it, we’re deluded. All we’d probably do would be to create universal disaster!

“To tamper with it is to spoil it,” he says. “To grasp it is to lose it.”

We all tend to have a pretty clear idea of how we think life should be and how we should be.

But our notions of ‘should’ are more often than not based upon ignorance.

Now, no one likes to think of themselves as ignorant. But it’s a fact that as individuals, we only ever have access to limited information. At any given time, we can only see a very small part of the overall picture. What we DO know will always be outweighed by what we DON’T know. Humans don’t like to readily acknowledge that. As such, most people are highly ignorant of just how ignorant they are.

In light of this humbling realization, how can we say with any certainty how things should be?

Life is a chain of cause and effect dating back to the very origin of the universe. As Carl Sagan once said, “in order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the entire universe”. Things are as they are because of everything that’s come before.

We also never know how things are going to turn out. The thing I desperately want today is often the thing that brings me misery tomorrow. And quite often good things come out of seemingly ‘bad’ things. That’s why the symbol of yin and yang is intimately associated with Taoism. Good and bad, light and dark, are inseparably intertwined.

3. Bend with the wind and flow like water
What we resist doesn’t just persist, it can also break us.

Our resistance to life can often be our undoing.

Something doesn’t go as we wanted it, and the mind gets locked into a vicious and self-destructive spiral of negativity. We suffer, and we generally make those around us suffer too.

The fact is, whatever happened happened, and no amount of complaining and tantrum-throwing will change that.

Arguing with reality causes pain, and it’s an argument we’ll never win. Reality will kick our ass, every single time.

We tend to think of resistance as being a sign of strength, so the concept of nonresistance is a difficult concept for many people to understand.

But Lao Tzu explains it perfectly in Verse 76:

“Stiffness is a companion of death; flexibility a companion of life. An army that cannot yield will be defeated. A tree that cannot bend will crack in the wind.”

Like the tree, we have to bend with life. If we don’t, our own rigidity will break us.

Life is a dance; a succession of experience — both good and bad, pleasurable and painful, happy and sad. There’s no changing that. All we can do is change the way we respond to it.

By accepting that this is simply the nature of reality, we learn to flow with life.

We let the wind blow when it wants to. We let our branches bend and thus ‘yield to overcome’ (a Taoist principle prevalent in many martial arts). It always pays to remember that every experience is only temporary. Even nature with all its might can’t create a storm that will last forever.

Ever fascinated by the elements, Lao Tzu also uses water as a metaphor for the Tao.

Although the softest and most yielding of substances, water is capable of dissolving even the hardest and most rigid of things.

Think about it. What else can literally dissolve mountains and carve great canyons?

Rock may seem harder and more enduring, but it’s water that shapes our very landscape, as well as providing essential life-giving properties for all beings.

Be like water, Lao Tzu says. Flow with ease, knowing that we’re always on a return journey to our source. Obstacles may come our way, but when they do, we simply maneuver around them, just as water flows around rocks.

Flow with ease, knowing that we’re always on a return journey to our source. Obstacles may come our way, but when they do, we simply maneuver around them, just as water flows around rocks.

Obstacles may come our way, but when they do, we simply maneuver around them, as water flows around rocks.

Why be a ‘rock person’ when you can be a ‘water person’? The flexible will always outlive the rigid.


4. Empty yourself
So much of our life experience is based around trying to fill ourselves up. Our days are full of ceaseless activity and our minds are always ticking away twenty to the dozen. We’re driven by the need to acquire and accumulate, but Lao Tzu, perhaps the original contrarian, suggests we instead adopt a practice of daily diminishing.

That doesn’t sound great, does it? The very word ‘diminish’ has a negative connotation. This one is a hard sell, I admit. But Lao Tzu warns that “we often gain by losing and lose by gaining” and that “success can be as dangerous as failure”.

Let’s be objective. The more we have, the more we have to worry about, because the more we have to lose.

We can spend months or years chasing after our dream job or the perfect relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. But, it’s an unavoidable fact that even when we attain the ideal job or relationship, our joy will probably be quite short-lived. Why? Because, once gained, we then have to worry about maintaining it! We often find that maintaining the objects of our acquisition can be an even greater challenge than acquiring them. That’s why the more we have, the more we have to stress about. Life can be a little perverse, can’t it?

That’s why Lao Tzu suggests we “empty ourselves”. By daily diminishing, we simply let go of all the things we are holding onto which we think we need, including old thoughts, beliefs and habits that no longer serve us. It doesn’t mean giving away all our possessions and heading off to live in a cave. It simply means letting go of our mental tendency to cling to things.

It means, chill, bro.

Our problems pretty much just exist as thoughts in our mind. In other words, for the problem to be, we need to be thinking about it. If our attention moves elsewhere, the problem ceases to exist until we next think about it.

Lao Tzu’s simple, no-nonsense solution?

“Renounce ceaseless thinking and your problems will end.”

This is echoed throughout the text:

“Tame your restless mind until you attain perfect harmony”.

“If you can empty your mind of thoughts, your heart will know the tranquility of peace.”

Of course, to empty the mind of thoughts is like trying to empty the ocean of water.

Fortunately, that’s not necessary.

What we need to do is simply cease getting pulled in by our thoughts. We allow them to come and go, and don’t get too swept away by them. Echoing his earlier advice, we bend with the wind and flow like water.

Meditation is an excellent practice in this regard. Even just a few minutes a day will, over time, rewire the brain, enabling us to take a more objective view of the content of our mind.

It also opens us up to the astonishing and liberating realization that we are not actually the content of our mind.

We are that which witnesses the mind — ever-present, pure, changeless awareness.

This is the essence of Self-knowledge and is the gateway to freedom.

5. “The more you care about other people’s approval, the more you become their prisoner.”

This quote from verse 9 is self-explanatory, but it’s been a huge lesson in my life.

As social beings, we’re hard-wired to care about other people’s opinions. We desperately want to fit in with the tribe. Historically, to be cast out of the tribe meant certain death. But we can no longer trade our authenticity and uniqueness as human beings just for a tacit pat on the back and an assurance that we’re ‘okay’.

The only approval you should really be worried about is your own.

Follow your heart, do your best, and let other people think what they think — because they will anyway.

6. Don’t try to rush things to completion.
Timing is everything in life. Human beings are quite big on instant gratification. We want things as we want them, when we want them. But things take time and the circumstances have to be right for anything to happen. A seed won’t grow into a tree overnight. It can’t be forced. If we reach into the soil and try to ‘force’ it to germinate, we’ll actually just destroy it altogether.

As Lao Tzu says in Verse 64:

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. By forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe.”

When our hearts and minds are in alignment with the Tao, when we’re in the full flow of life, instead of trying to force things, we simply tune into the situation and allow the right action to emerge almost spontaneously.

That’s how the creative mind truly works anyway — not by force, but by inspiration and insight.

Again, “the Tao does nothing, yet nothing is left undone.”

7. “The world is won by those who let it go.”
This quote is from one translation of verse 48. It highlights the ‘water’ approach of the Tao Te Ching (flow) as opposed to the ‘fire’ approach of modern life (force).

To ‘win the world’ means to find our place in it; to find fulfillment and to contribute to the whole, in alignment with our own nature, talents, and skills. That’s a slightly more holistic take on life than our culture’s general mode of going out there with our guns blazing, trying to compete, conquer, and come out victorious to the detriment of others. Look at big business. Look at our politicians. They might seem to have ‘won the world’, but have they truly? What are the fruits of their actions? Do they embody what Lao Tzu calls “the three jewels” of compassion, moderation, and humility? Is the world benefitted by such ‘winners’? Or does the world actually lose?

I believe we ‘win the world’ by stop trying to win.

Instead of chasing certain results, which are usually driven by ego and insecurity (and which are never really under our control anyway), we simply do what we love as a way of giving something back to the world.

“When you realize there is nothing lacking,” Lao Tzu says, “the whole world belongs to you. When you realize you have enough, you are truly rich.”

What we let go is our ambition, greed, and the gratuitous need for more.

We actually already have all that we need. Life gave us everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Only a miser would then try to extract more from it, without any thought to giving something back.

Gratitude fosters compassion, and compassion is the one thing the world needs more of.

When action is driven by compassion, everybody wins.

In the final verse, Lao Tzu says:

“The Sage does not accumulate anything, but gives everything to others. The more he does for others, the happier he is. The more he gives to others, the wealthier he is. The Sage acts for the good of all, opposing himself to no one.”

We need Sages like this! Such a mindset would change the world overnight. We save the world not by conquering it, or trying to come out on top, but by giving something back to it.

Life lives life effortlessly, and life gives to life effortlessly. So too can we.

https://www.unbrokenself.com/7-life-changing-things-i-learned-from-the-tao-te-ching/ 
By Rory Mackay 
Amazon.com paperback / Amazon.com Kindle edition