Showing posts with label deconversion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deconversion. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Living Beyond Religion


Beyond being Religious to being Human


Has Letting Go of Dogma Changed Me?


My ideals, my character, my morality? NO!

Where I stand depends on where I sit. 
In other words, what I stand for in life depends on where I situate myself daily.
Because my place in life is intentional.
My place in life shapes how I see, my perspective, my assumptions, my viewpoint, my world and life view.


Living Beyond Religion

“There remains an experience of incomparable value. We have for once learned to see the great events of world history from below, from the perspective of the outcasts, the suspects, the maltreated — in short, from the perspective of those who suffer. Mere waiting and looking on is not Christian behavior. Christians are called to compassion and to action.”
– Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Letters from Prison, p.16)

“The fact that people became heroes and sheroes can be credited to their ability to identify and empathize with the ‘other.’ These men and women could continue to live quite comfortably with their slow temperament but they chose not to. They made the decision to be conscious of the other –the homeless, the downtrodden and the oppressed. Heroism has nothing to do with skin color or social status. It is a state of mind and a willingness to act for what is right and just.” (Maya Angelou)

The three quotes above resonate deeply in me and have been doing so all of my life. They are the very core of my values, my golden rule. They shape and define who I am. And that has not changed as my philosophy has evolved. Actually, these values have even gotten stronger as I have progressed beyond religion. Blogging since 2006 has been part of the process. The focus of my blogging has been to unravel the cultural conditioning that has boggled and
stagnated my mind all of my life, while doing the inner work of chiseling out my own values and beliefs rather than just adopting those that have been handed to me. When I started blogging, it became clear to me that I wanted to use a language of inclusion rather than exclusion; a language of peace rather than division. Therefore I decided to minimize my use of the word God since it has so many meanings around the world (I've had visitors to my blog from 150 countries) and often any canned religious language can be quite divisive. My understanding has greatly deepened since then in so many ways. It has helped me to grow and see how critical it is to try to exclude all dogmatic language, beliefs, and thinking.

Religion is not worth its weight in dirt unless its followers can testify to real change. This testimony must attest to a deep transformation of character within, with others, and within our universe. This testimony must also be attested to by those that have been the most oppressed, thereby becoming the most vulnerable in the societies wherein said religion supposedly exists. Outside of this impact, all forms of religion rest in the dirt as nothing more than a temporal joke; here today, gone tomorrow.

"On this side of the wall between the religious and the nonreligious is so much more light, air, and space. I'm so much more accepting, so much interested in other ideas, so much interested in education, so much less judgmental, less phobic. It matters." (Seth Andrews)

“For the simplicity on this side of complexity, I wouldn't give you a fig. But for the simplicity on the other side of complexity, for that I would give you anything I have.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes)


We must "develop our own capacity for spaciousness within ourselves to allow others to be as they are — that is love. And that doesn’t mean that we don’t have hopes or wishes that things are changed or shifted, but that to come from a place of love is to be in acceptance of what is, even in the face of moving it towards something that is more whole, more just, more spacious for all of us. It’s bigness. It’s allowance. It’s flexibility." (Rev. angel Kyodo williams.   https://onbeing.org/programs/the-world-is-our-field-of-practice-apr2018/)

Clearing out the illusions of dogma has, 
for me, been so freeing!!!

This inner work that I have been doing can be captured with the metaphor of woodcarving. We carefully choose a log, which looks nothing like what is real, essential, and necessary in the finished product. But we know that it has the capacity to become what we imagine. We can imagine it in there. In order to get rid of the excess, I ask myself the question as I carve, is this part necessary to create a meaningful image. Most of that process is removing that which is not part of the thing I'm creating. Although the final product is beyond my knowing, it is not beyond my imagination. I keep chiseling away and eventually an image begins to emerge almost as if it had always been there although it could not have been seen by the world or by me except in my imagination.

In other words, I have been doing the inner work of removing all that is unnecessary and nonessential so that what is left is real; that which is essential and absolutely necessary.

Another way to look at things is that some people require a high level of mediation to steer them toward the truth. The stories, the saints, the rituals, and holy days (holidays) are necessary for them not to lose touch with what is real and what is essential. But others of us need to clear out all of that mediation (mediated worship, mediated learning, mediated spirituality) in order to directly approach the sacred in which "we live and move and have our being."

"Remembering that the universe is so much larger than our ability to comprehend, let us go forth from this time together with the resolve to stop trying to reduce the incomprehensible to our own petty expectations, so that wonder - that sense of what is sacred - can find space to open up our minds and illumine our lives."- Marjorie Newlin Leaming -

I don’t see what has been happening to me as 'losing my religion' so much as learning to 'live beyond religion;' clearing space that has been cluttered by assumptions and dogma and beliefs, making room for better conversations, better thinking, and better understanding of reality and truth.

Religion will always be a part of who I am. A foundational part of my development as a child. But now, as I become a man, I must leave behind the childish things that are no longer necessary or essential and stand up into who I am at this time and at this place in my life; unmediated by my conditioning, all those voices (cultural and religious) that have been me who I am, at times yelling at me. Now I see those voices as external influences driving me toward conformity and normalcy. I am learning to hear my internal teacher telling me who I am, why I am here, and what I do about it through reflection, contemplation, discernment, found at my center of silence, from which I emerge as my own true self.


Perceptions and ideas, opinions and beliefs have a tendency to divide people or draw small groups of people together while excluding those that don’t agree. With the intention of being unconditional and inclusive, they become exclusive and conditional. There was a time when tribalism and nationalism is what we needed to survive. But in a global society, these beliefs and practices will destroy us. This exclusionary approach is not acceptable anymore in a world that is in constant contact with people globally, where we no longer depend on our tribe to survive but rather we depend on all people to survive. At one time, we had no other options but to consider our tribe to be our whole world, but no more. We must learn to live together as one human race honoring and sustaining our mother earth and mother nature upon which we all depend.

I am beginning to understand that the process or “journey” I’ve been on was inevitable. I did not choose it. It chose me. Often, I’ve thought about how much easier it would be to go back to my religion box and crawl in and be spoon fed,
being told:
What to think
How to think
What to believe
How to believe.
Who is right
Who is wrong
Who to include
Who to exclude
Who is deserving of love
Who is not deserving
Who is deserving to live
Who must die or be sent away.

I am not saying that everyone should believe like I do (or like I don’t). Some people can tolerate a great level of dissonance or often are probably not even aware of it. Not me... Some people need to have a system of belief, a human construct, that has been handed down to them in a prefab package in order to make sense of (or mediate) the complexities of life and death. Not me... After all, people have had these stories, myths, and theologies since the beginning of the human race, using them to bring people together for survival and protection from the "other". Finding answers to the great mysteries and naming “that which is greater than me” with labels like "God" are important and even necessary for them. Some people can insulate themselves from the piercing questions that keep coming at us from life and be fine without addressing them outside of their myths. 

Myths replace disciplined inquiry in the same way that religion replaces the discernment of truth necessary for human morality. Any authority from the outside informing our inner values, beliefs, and morals is superficial. By downloading those extremely valuable things to guide our lives, we are short circuiting what it takes to discern the truth from the inside. When this process is inside out, then there is integrity. When it is outside in, it is superficial and suspect, earmarked for the discernment necessary to vet the truth and understand reality.

This outside-in process works for so many people that wish to download the second hand answers
as long as it results in thinking that is sustainable for all of life,
as long as it creates a world that works for all,
as long as it includes all and is unconditional,
as long as "pro-life" begins with nurturing that which is sacred and that which sustains all of life, which must include the earth under our feet and taking care of the most vulnerable among us.

This outside-in process, these second hand answers, will never work. Truth for daily living must be arrived at through the inner work of inner discernment.

But I cannot be "comfortably numb." (Pink Floyd)
I cannot be "blindly oblivious." (Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death")

There is something about who I am that will not allow me to settle for pat answers and spoon-fed thinking.

There is an inner compulsion to question everything like the fire that purifies gold, burning off the dross (everything that is not essential, not absolutely necessary).

I am realizing that those are the things that have been creating dissonance deep within. I can no longer live with the dissonance and contradictions but rather I am compelled to embrace the paradoxes and mysteries through inquiry.

I have found that the “answers” that we cling to, the beliefs that we have been told, the theologies that we have been taught, fall far short of what I need. I’m no longer going to tell myself the stories of the past to try to make sense and find meaning in life. For me, this is like building my house on shifting sand, leaving me without a solid foundation even though I know that there is no certainty or security. In the life I know and live, the only constant is change just like shifting sand. I must ask the questions that emerge in the present moment and the answers can only come from current knowledge that we have here and now. The gaps of what we do not know are getting smaller and smaller. I do not need to fill those gaps with a god of my making, or a god of the past, or ancient myths; thus obliterating the awe and wonder of mystery.

All of society (including politics and religion) 
is designed to teach us not to think.
Just fit in.
Believe what you have been taught.
Do what you are told.
And allow yourself to be conformed to the world.
That way you can be a good little human.
That way you can be a part of the human herd.
That way your voice can be buried and silenced 
under the cultural weight of conformity.

For me, this conformity to the world 
applies primarily to the source of our authority.
To what do we answer?
To whom do we answer?
After what do we pattern our lives?
After whom do we pattern our lives?
Does our perception of reality come from inner discernment?
Or does our perception of reality come from what other people have told us?
Do our values and beliefs come from inner discernment?
Or do our values and beliefs come from what other people have told us?
Does the source of my life come from an internal authority?
Or is my identity derived from external authority; books, teachers, philosophies, religions, politics, consumerism, media, and on and on.
Do they belong to others or to me???
Am I second hand or am I original???

These are life or death questions.

Thursday, October 6, 2022

Reframing my Perspective

 

Reframing my Perspective

Reworking my World and Life View

From the ground up


How do I begin?

First, rather than asking to what extent I have been conditioned,

I ask myself, do I know that I have been conditioned.

Count the many ways…


Most of conditioning lies in the subconscious mind tricking us into conformity, making us feel guilty when we don’t fit in, when we go against the current, when we think different.


The uniqueness of each of us is then buried, without our awareness.


Sameness devours uniqueness giving conformity status as the alpha wolf.


The other trick thought pulls on us is this: “Thought create the world and then says, ‘I didn’t do it.’”


Another trick I realized early on during this journey are these two things about “knowing”.


“If I already know… I can no longer learn.”


“Most of life is remembering what we already know.”


What this means is that there is a deep knowing, often a collective knowing in our bones. This is there awaiting our discovery. Too often we don’t pay attention and we miss it.


For me, I had to silence the external voices so that I could hear my inner teacher. Otherwise the external noise is so loud we will never hear, even if we listen.

Deconstructing (discerning truth and untruth, reality and illusion)

We must begin by discovering the underground river of conditioning that is affecting every aspect of our thinking, our words, our beliefs, and our actions.



We then must be bold and begin to deconstruct and even destroy that which we have been told to see, think, say, and do. Bare in mind that most of this is coming from external sources and authority that has as its only goal, conformity and compliance. complacency and comfortableness. Cultural conditioning is a powerful thing and includes shaping the beliefs and values of consumerism, politics, and religion.  


For me, this has been a 15 year process of intense inner-work; constantly attentive and intentional. Whenever I let up a little, I start sliding backward. If I am not progressing forward, then I am regressing backward into the worldly mire of being a second-hand person.


For me, this progress is like maturing. As we let go, give up, and give in to that which is greater than me, the forces of progressive change in the world, I felt like it was no longer my choice. I never chose this journey. It chose me. And once it got a hold on me, it would not let go. I’ve often longed for the comfort of the cocoon, the conformity of the box, the sameness of the bubble, going back to the person I was, all conformed and in my place. It would have been so much easier.

Clearing the Debris

Once we claim our inner landscape as our own, we must then be intentional about attending to our inner lives. Much of the work lies in understanding and identifying the debris. This takes constant discernment. I mostly identify debris by its source. Did it come from within (rooted in my bones and life-giving) or did it have an external source of authority that was forced or an expectation that was dead to me. This external source can be people and institutions that proclaim dominance and power over us. This also includes more subtle forms of influence like politics, religion, and culture. Our inner landscape can become more like a dump of randomness and chaos than a garden of beauty and a purpose. Are we attending and nurturing our inner selves? Or is it full of garbage that we have never taken the time to clear, mostly unaware that it is even there. Many of us become hoarders, unwilling or unable to let go of the junk we cling to far after its usefulness in our lives. Often it becomes our external source of comfort, security, and even certainty. This is how so many people become so easily influenced and and even brainwashed like in America over the past 6 years. This is a dehumanization process that steals one’s uniqueness and one’s voice; like cattle to the slaughter. There has been no design and no forethought in american culture, politics, and religion. It just mindlessly conforms to power and promises, even though they are contrary to that which is good.

Designing 

(a garden nurtured and permeated with the fruit of the spirit, a culture of gentleness; rather than the current theology of violence and exclusion, or the politics of meanness and dominance)

Fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control.


If design is not intentional, then it is not design. Like most of urban planning, the city sprawls without any thought of sustainability, walkability, or nurturing relationships. The present culture (including politics and religion) is completely undesigned and unintentional. It is a power grab. There is no forethought except to create a world that works for the powerful and privileged. This is a great example of what happens in such chaos. People believe and follow thoughtlessly and with no foundation of design, people are as fickle as the wind, blowing any way the great leader and his media says while believing anything they are told; while lies and propaganda run rampant. I’ve never imagined that so-called Christians could so easily follow the media and the powerful.


The “Way” that I propose is the narrow way. The broad road is easy and is built for those that conform to this world, for those that believe what they are told, for those that follow like sheep to the slaughter.


“Be not conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  (Romans 12:2)

Reconstructing

(politics of peace, theology of compassion, gentleness, and inclusion; a life-giving theology and politics of a world that works for all)

During the past 3 or 4 years, I’ve been reflecting on all that I have learned through my 16 year journey inward and downward. This has been an intense and intentional journey of contemplative reading, listening, learning, and writing. I realized that the insight that illuminated much of my inspiration from within is that framework that I am putting in words now. I sensed a powerful and profound truth that had taken hold of me. Though this truth has been unavoidable, it remained inexplicable until I was ready to let go of all that is old and to put together all that is new. Even at the beginning of this contemplative journey, I was given the concept that became the title of my blog. Living with Open Hands; as an expression of an open mind, open heart, and open will. I have been going deeper and deeper into these truths and they have held solid, like a house built on solid ground rather than sand. This has become a plum line with which to measure whether my beliefs and actions are empty (dehumanizing) or plenary (fully human and overflowing with goodness). This fullness can also mean integral and whole. What I now see is that most people do not bother to seek inner truth to define and guide their lives even though all religions refer to the inner teacher, inner spirit, inner guidance, inner light. It is easier to do as we are told. Believe and obey the external authorities in our lives as if they have a clue about my own meaning and purpose.


So as I reconstruct my life, I don’t believe this is possible without some sort of framework that is more than a human construct like the teachings, theologies, and religion of man. This is deeply personal and even though people want to be told what to think, say, believe, and do, this all must come from within. There is no external authority that knows me and can direct my path because we are all different. If we believed this, we would all end up on everyone else’s path with no clue where we are going. No two people’s paths are the same and no two people’s meaning and purpose are the same. 


“There is in all visible things an invisible fecundity, a dimmed light, a meek namelessness, a hidden wholeness. This mysterious Unity and Integrity is Wisdom, the Mother of all, Natura Naturans. There is in all things an inexhaustible sweetness and purity, a silence that is a fountain of action and of joy. It rises up in wordless gentleness and flows out to me from the unseen roots of all created being...”

“Gentleness comes to him when he is most helpless and awakens him, refreshed, beginning to be made whole. Love takes him by the hand, and opens to him the door to another life, another day.”à

Thomas Merton

Similarly, beyond all disciplines and fields of study, David Bohm "believed fundamentally that beyond the visible, tangible world there lies a deeper, implicate order of undivided wholeness."

Thursday, June 24, 2021

Reconstruction after My Deconversion

 My Philosophical Evolution: little by little

This blog post is the flip side of another post that I wrote in April 2021, two month ago. Here are the first few lines of that blog which I called The Deconstruction of My Deconversion.

__________________________________________________

The Deconstruction of My Deconversion

My Religious Demise: step by step

Another step deeper into darkness. . . closer to the light.

For a more expanded and indepth version, go here: My Philosophical Evolution

___________________________________

This post is my Reconstruction after My Deconversion.

This blog post is the “closer to the light” part of “Another step deeper into darkness. . . closer to the light.”

Deeper into Darkness

Deconversion requires that we keep digging deeper into the darkness to get to the subconscious conditioning that controls our thoughts. When I was writing that post, like the title said, I was deconstructing my faith, dogma, creeds, doctrine, along my total worldview, breaking down what it took to get to the place I am now, sort of retracing the steps of my journey. All of the things I was told to believe, I just believed automatically, without thinking, without any discernment, without putting any of it to the test, because I was doing what I was supposed to do all my life, for 50 years. I was unknowingly, subconsciously running on automatic pilot with automatic downloads, cultural conditioning, media manipulation, political propaganda, and religious brainwashing. These are all subtle, subconscious forms of conditioning and control.

Blind Conformity. Immersion in the Status Quo.

"If you slavishly follow somebody else’s ideas, you will be impoverished and impaired…. Blind obedience and unthinking acceptance of authority figures may make an institution work more smoothly, but the people who live under such a regime will remain in an infantile, dependent state. It is a great pity that religious institutions often insist on this type of conformity, which is far from the spirit of their founders, who all, in one way or another, rebelled against the status quo."
Karen Armstrong Source: The Spiral Staircase

From a quantum physicist:
"We could say that practically all the problems of the human race are due to the fact that thought is not proprioceptive.... You don't decide what to do with the info. Thought runs you. Thought, however, gives false info that you are running it, that you are the one who controls thought. Whereas actually thought is the one who controls each one of us."
(David Bohm, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddngc3nhs_I)


"For centuries we have been conditioned by nationality, caste, class, tradition,
religion, language, education, literature, art, custom, convention, propaganda of all kinds, economic pressure, the food we eat, the climate we live in, our family, our friends, our experiences—every influence you can think of—and, therefore, our responses to every problem are conditioned. Are you aware that you are conditioned? That is the first thing to ask yourself, not how to be free of your conditioning. You may never be free of it, and if you say, “I must be free of it”, you may fall into another trap of another form of conditioning. So are you aware that you are conditioned?" (Krishnamurti, Freedom from the Known, p 25).


Little by little came my demise. Uprooting, overturning, upheaving, demolishing, destroying, ripping up the life I had been building.


“The blizzard of the world

has crossed the threshold

and it has overturned

the order of the soul.”

~ Leonard Cohen


This overturning began with the blizzard of the world that I could not stand up to (divorce, job loss, foreclosure, depression). It caused me to realize that I had been building my house, my life, on sand. It was not a solid foundation. So as I realized how important it is to question everything, the blizzard of the world shifted to the blizzard of my own deconstruction. I could not just keep falling and falling apart. I had to dig down to the roots, my foundation, to see what is real and what has been crumbling. I had no idea that I would lose my religion. I had no intention of losing my religion. But then I began to see that it was my religion itself that could not stand up to the blizzard of the world or the blizzard of deconstruction. Too many false assumptions, unfounded beliefs, and groundless claims. That which I thought was foundational was not worthy of the tests of life and the discernment of truth. The fire of refinement did not purify by removing the dross. Rather the fire of discernment burned it all up. Nothing left.

In my post, The Deconstruction of My Deconversion, toward the end of my commentary section, I said this. I am quoting my words because sometimes I forget the transformative power of my deconversion. That is why I write, so that I can remember.


From that post: “Once I turned 60, after 12 years of inquiry and writing, the scales fell off my eyes and I could see all of the wishful and magical thinking that I had been clinging to. At that point, I was finally ready to say "STOP" "enough!" It was at this point that I could fully let go of dogma. What I experienced profoundly and astonishingly is that I was finally free. No more shackles on my mind or on my conversations with others or in my acceptance and inclusion of others; unconditional love! I was finally free!” Exclusion is the mainstay of most successful religions.

Closer to the Light


I tangibly felt a freedom that goes beyond my mind to the freedom of my heart, unshackled, unburdened.




“If I loose my grip… will I take flight?” (Lyrics from Bruce Cockburn)


I began to see that as I loosen my grip, I could let go. Nothing to hang on to. Nothing to cling to. Nothing that is permanent, certain, or secure.


As I became ungrounded from that which is unfounded, I learned to be grounded in groundlessness, in what is real. It was only then that I found out what true freedom is.

Losing my religion was perhaps the most freeing thing that has ever happened to me.

Who'd'a' thought that the total unraveling of my life would result in such incredible freedom?

I could actually understand and experience what this means: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 2:2)

I also began to realize that unconditional love is not possible with hidden agendas like converting someone’s soul, talking them into believing what I believe, group-thinking them into conformity, following the teachings like disassociating with “pagans”, skeptics, free thinkers, and such.

Conditioning has been forming our beliefs and values since the crib and will continue to the grave. Again I am reminded how prescriptive our zip code is to predetermining each person’s values, beliefs, and religion.

Here is the kicker: the primary force that uproots living the natural way is our conditioning; and we don’t even know. Sometimes our conditioning is good and healthy and sometimes it is not. How do we know which way to go? We must learn to discern the natural way to live according to how we were meant to live as human beings within nature and within the universe; sustained by nature and the universe.

Anything that thwarts our ability to live the natural way, whether conditioning, beliefs, or values, is not healthy and whole. We must develop the discernment to see the natural way and our barriers and influences, both internal and external, to live our life in all of its fullness.

I could truly live and let live. No expectations. No hidden agendas. Just humans being human together.

Freedom Comes From the Natural Way


“Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course. You cannot master the world by changing the natural way.” (Lao Tzu)

"Unfinished Poem: I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding." — John O'Donohue


There is in all visible things an invisible fecundity, a dimmed light, a meek namelessness, a hidden wholeness. This mysterious Unity and Integrity is Wisdom, the Mother of all, Natura Naturans. There is in all things an inexhaustible sweetness and purity, a silence that is a fountain of action and of joy.” (Thomas Merton)

 I have, of necessity, developed an inner impulsion to grow, to deepen toward my source, uncovering and uprooting my illusions and myths, stories and fairy tales that I can no longer live by; revealing raw reality, unvarnished truth, unmasked authenticity, true integrity. This impulsive drive became a fire in my belly fueling an unstoppable passion to understand that which is real and true while attempting to resolve some of the cognitive, emotional, and spiritual dissonance that is like tinnitus constantly ringing, piercing, and clouding my soul.

But this drive had been dormant for close to 50 years. The domination of cultural influences had its foot on my neck exerting pressure, very subtly and imperceptibly; just enough to keep my face in the dirt, keeping me unaware that life is so much more than the canned world and life view that I have downloaded. Conditioning for humans is like water for fish. We are so immersed in our conditioning and thinking that we do not realize the extent that they control us.

Points of Light, Freedom, and Transformation

Before I begin this final section that lists these points of transformation for me, I need to say that in no way am I trying to convince anyone of anything except maybe that my own journey and evolution is real. If you don’t agree, fine then, don’t agree. This is not a matter of morality or religion or spirituality or right or wrong or light or darkness. It is just the story of my experiences learning over 15 years. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Nothing is fixed or set in stone

For me, as I work through the process of deconstructing my deconversion, I can begin to understand what has happened to me over the past few years and what is still happening in me. As I continue to go deeper into my own interior world, I am making the unconscious conscious, overturning and uprooting the moorings of my soul.

Nothing is set in stone. Nothing is absolutely fixed. Everything is in flux. Life is not static. It is dynamic, ever changing. Life is progressive, constantly unfolding. A hidden wholeness emerges. I used to try to control my world and mitigate the change, uncertainty, insecurity, discomfort. But when I realized that these are all stories in my head, I was free to embrace and rejoice that which is real.

Listening without Agenda

Truth never becomes “true” or “more true” by clenching my teeth or my fists… I
had to let go… of everything.
I had to stop creating my own illusions. I had to open my hands, my mind, my heart, and my will to anything and everything that comes my way. I had to “let life come” as it is; emerging new, clear, and pristine everyday, without my agendas, interpretations, expectations; accepting all of life and all people unconditionally.
Inward Deepening begets Outward Expansion

I found that without dogma, my conversations were more open and penetrating. Without expectations, there was a freedom to allow the dialogue to lead us where it may. Without assumptions and interpretations, I could truly seek to understand and more clearly hear others. Without hidden agendas and ulterior motives I could love more deeply and unconditionally.

I know that I know nothing

"The further one goes, the less one knows." (Lao Tzu)

"The more a man knows, the less he talks." (Voltaire)

It is hard for pride to get a foothold when there is no reference from which I can think that I am better than everyone else.

There is no more:
I’m right. Therefore you’re wrong. I know. 
Therefore you don’t know. 
I have a corner on the truth. 
Come to MY church and 
you will have the corner on the truth also! 
I no longer have a hidden agenda (to save your soul) 
or an ulterior motive to change a person or convince someone.
I can let that all go.

No more supernatural expectations

As mentioned in the last paragraph, I no longer need to keep trying to change people, no more judging based on my divine standard. Now there is only affirming people being human. For years, I felt guilty for not leading people to Christ, especially the friends that I care about. I carried that guilt for 40 years. Now, to have the burden of that guilt lifted is so freeing!!!

"There is no guide, no teacher, no authority. There is only you - your relationship with others and with the world - there is nothing else.

It is so freeing when a lifetime of burden is lifted!

"When you reject something false which you have been carrying about with you for generations, when you throw off a burden of any kind, what takes place? You have more energy, haven't you? You have more capacity, more drive, greater intensity and vitality. If you do not feel this, then you have not thrown off the burden, you have not discarded the dead weight of authority. But when you have thrown it off and have this energy in which there is no fear at all - no fear of making a mistake, no fear of doing right or wrong - then is not that energy itself the mutation? We need a tremendous amount of energy and we dissipate it through fear but when there is this energy which comes from throwing off every form of fear, that energy itself produces the radical inward revolution." (Freedom from the Known, Krishnamurti)

All of life is a teacher

As I realize that all of life is my teacher, one of my greatest teachers is me and my own reactions, my own hot buttons, my points of defendedness that evoke surprising, emotional reactions.

Often I stand there puzzled and confused asking myself, did I just do that or say that?

I feel it in my heart and in my stomach. And I’m learning that these buttons are my own areas of insecurity, uncertainty, dissonance, hurt, and trauma. They seem to be cracks in my facade. But isn’t THAT where the light gets in??? What more can I want?

I must continue to get better at listening to the many hidden truths in each and every moment.

True equality is real

No longer am I the next level up on truth, above everyone else. No longer do I live better, act better, know better, or have a destination that is better.

Equality became real because I was no longer right. None of us are right. Actually, we are all wrong! Therefore there was no longer this drive to be right, which in turn makes others wrong.

The afterlife is no longer a distraction

When I thought that the goal of life is to make it to heaven and bring as many as possible out of this sinful world, then I was in a constant state of distraction from HERE AND NOW. All that exists is this present moment. We have no agency anywhere or anytime except for now. We have nothing but now. That is all we have. Removing the distraction of the afterlife allows me to appreciate so much more the life I have, right here, right now. Every breath I take, every step I take.


I have no one to look down on

No more Christian wars.

War on the poor.

War on the refugees.

War on the prostitutes.

War on the sinners.

War on people that think differently.

War on people that are different.

No more maintaining my status of being better than…

No more maintaining my image of the good Christian.

As my heart grows bigger and bigger... more and more inclusive!


Love is truly unconditional

I don’t have to worry about saving the souls of others. I can just love them and care about them knowing that I am not any better than they are and that I am not here to change them.

Valuing life from the bottom up

I now get dirty because I’m already dirty. I now look at life from the bottom up, through the eyes of the brokenhearted, and through my own eyes of brokenheartedness. I no longer am harboring my perceived profundity and wisdom hoping to show it off. I am at the bottom. I am in the dirt with the rest of mankind.

A Genuine Heart of Sadness

I never understood the value of this but part of my deconversion is getting worn out and tired to the bone. Actually, I was already weary to the bone. I felt a need to maintain a good witness to my Christianity by being happy happy happy. I got good at displaying the facade and using my default technique of “smile and nod.” Somehow, the way upward is toward happy heaven when reality and being real is a downward journey; down to the earth, down to where the brokenhearted live and move and have their being. I found that this is my place of belonging. Not up where everyone is striving to be and become but downward in solidarity with the poor and downtrodden, the tattered and torn, the battered and bruised. And a significant part of that belonging is authenticity; a genuine heart of sadness, knowing there are so many that are hurting in this world.

Abundance is a fountain that can only be tapped at the source, and that which is real lies at our Source, our Ground of Being.

The Surface is nothing but the scurrying around of busy-ness, chasing scarcity mindlessly like a dog chases its tail. If we stay on the surface, we can never go within, deeper, to the Source.

“Aren’t we troubled by our culture’s overemphasis on happiness? Don’t we fear that this rabid focus on exuberance leads to half-lives, to bland existences, to wastelands of mechanistic behavior?” (Eric G Wilson, Against Happiness: in praise of melancholy)

Sitting with Sadness & How it Can Lead to Awakening

Eric Wilson writes that “Sadness reconciles us to realities. It throws us into the flow of life,” because “When we are forced to face the fact that our existences are but mere blips on the scale of cosmic time, we realize how absolutely precious every instant is.” In the same way, Chokyi Nyiam Rinpoche writes that, “The profound sadness that overwhelms us when we understand the impermanent nature of all phenomena opens us up to the world around us.”

Struck by Sorrow

“When we experience profound sorrow and sadness, our vision of the world dramatically shifts into clearer focus. The clouded lens that shields our eyes from the truth of our being cracks, and the unencumbered light of reality pierces through—sometimes only for a moment. When we are struck by sorrow, all the walls that we’ve built up around ourselves under the auspices of safety and security—those defenses—begin to crumble.”

Profound Peace

And then there is the peace, the peace that transcends all understanding. Not peace based on hopes and dreams, assumptions and beliefs, but peace based on letting go and accepting life as it is and accepting me for who I am. It is a peace based on the freedom to be me without the need to be conformed to anything or anyone. A peace without agenda and without appeal.

I can rest easy knowing that I do not need to save anyone from hell.

When all of life is really right here and right now, then there are no distractions. Nothing to accomplish. Nothing for me to do or be. Just me. Just here. Just now. There is such peace in simplicity.

The simplicity of just living, just being

I have been striving for years, all of my life, to understand my place in life, where I belong, how to live a meaningful life, and finding true purpose in life. 

Finally, I am beginning to see that 
there is no purpose in life except to live. 
There is not meaning in life except to live. 
There is no understanding of life except to live, listen, and learn. 
And the only belonging there is is to rest in just being. 
No more becoming. 
No more striving. 
No more yearning. 
Just living life as it is. 
Following the Way (the way it is) .

Basic Goodness

There is no more being born in sin and calling myself a sinner all of my life. I can rest in the great goodness that surrounds me. And when I act from this goodness, then my actions are good without any ulterior motives.

I can look at me and at life and at this world and at the universe and proclaim, “It is good.”

Loving mystery, wonder, and awe

No more fear of uncertainty since we share that with all of creation.

No more fear of the future. When we live HERE AND NOW,

then the future emerges gently as it unfolds before us;

while we live, listen, and learn.

No more fear of feeling lost because we are all as lost as the next person.

When we know these things we become like a child, seeing the world with wonder and awe.

“Where the mystery is the deepest is the gate of all that is subtle and wonderful.” (Lao Tzu)

These learnings or unlearnings provides the foundation for wisdom to grow.

Wisdom begins only when we face what we do not know; when we face our ignorance, our limitations, our nothingness, our smallness, our pride . . . and then let go . . .

True wisdom emerges only as we rise up from our ignorance and our nothingness rather than rising up out of what we think we know, what we want to be, and our illusion of somethingness; out of humility rather than pride, out of silence rather than noise, stillness rather than busyness.

There is no good and bad. There is just life!

"Something good happens? Good!
Something bad happens? Good!" (Lao Tzu)

We think, especially in the western world, that everything is split up and broken down. We do this because we think it is necessary in order to study and understand things. But in reality, bad is just the flip side of good. Darkness is the flip side of light. Sorrow is the flip side of joy.

When we can let go of our dualistic thinking and embrace the reality of a nondual world, our eyes open in wonder as we learn to see that it is all good, it is all beautiful.

When we say do not judge, it is because it is anchored in reality. Judgement is irrelevant. I no longer look down on others. I can let go and just be. Live and let live.

This is for me perhaps the most deeply rooted conditioning. It is the hardest to uproot. All of my life, everything is right and wrong, good and bad, pretty or ugly. It is a knee jerk, automatic reaction. I expect people to think like me, believe like me, act like me, and be like me. The whole world references back to me because it is me that is better than everyone else. I would judge the clothes people wore, the cars they drove, their homes and neighborhoods, their workplaces; centering it all on me and what I thought was best or right or more meaningful. Among religions, mine was the best, making the others worse than mine. Even among my own Christian religion, we would judge other churches as not believing right, being too liberal, being too lax, too right, too left, never good enough. Here is an example:

“When it was published in 2001, the World Christian Encyclopedia counted 33,830 denominations worldwide; with the amount of debate and division over theology and orthodoxy since then, that number is undoubtedly higher.” Denominations | Topics

This fundamentalist thinking for me was so subtle that it took me 50 years to realize what I was doing. I’m so ashamed of what it may have done to others but now I am so free to just be and let others just be, as I seek forgiveness...

The humiliation of humility bursts forth with freedom.

“There is in all visible things an invisible fecundity, a dimmed light, a meek namelessness, a hidden wholeness. This mysterious Unity and Integrity is Wisdom, the Mother of all, Natura Naturans. There is in all things an inexhaustible sweetness and purity, a silence that is a fountain of action and of joy.” (Thomas Merton)

Monday, April 19, 2021

13 Reasons Why -- The Deconstruction of My Deconversion


 My Religious Demise: step by step

Another step deeper into darkness. . . closer to the light.

For a more expanded and indepth version, go here: My Philosophical Evolution


I started seriously studying the bible when I was in high school. Recently, my brother said to me that the one thing that impressed him about me back then is that anyone that would come home from working second shift and study the bible until 3 AM must be alright. He was 5 years younger than me and we shared a bedroom together.

I went to a fundamentalist bible college and got a degree in religion (with as many classes in bible as possible) with a Greek and Bible minor. I taught home bible studies to college students, I was a church youth leader, a deacon, worship leader, and on and on. Now I see that all of the study I did of the bible went through a very strong filter that says the bible is inerrant and so it cannot be wrong. Any discrepancy must be reconcilable and therefore I must find a way for the errors to be erased in my mind. And if it cannot be wrong, then questioning it is not only pointless but it is a sin, a lack of faith. It was my fault, which was a perfect blinder for me to not see what the bible really said. So when I read the bible directly now with my eyes open, without dogma, filters, without basic assumptions, confirmation bias, and preconceived ideas, it is a whole new book from what I had been brainwashed to believe all my life. This change began about 15 years ago. Much of this blog is about that process.


I’ve been deconstructing my deconversion to further understand what has happened to me. I can no longer unsee the things that I can now see. I can no longer digress when I have progressed and deepened so much. But why me? I really didn’t want to change. I was content.

1. I earned a bachelor's degree in religion, bible, and greek at a well known Evangelical, bible, liberal arts college. There I was required to develop a Christian world and life view based on my indepth studies of the bible. Along with the knowledge of my faith growing, there has been a deepening dissonance throughout my 30s and 40s. I could not quiet it with pat answers anymore. The answers were no longer alive, they were dying on the vine and I was becoming desperate. I began to understand and appreciate a good question; how it deepened me and opened me up. That's why on April Fool's Day, 2006, I began blogging. I didn't write because I knew anything, I wrote because I no longer knew anything. I wrote in order to understand and listen to life. I wrote because I was desperate to go deeper; following the truth no matter where it would lead.

2. Then life upended me. It was like a whirlwind ripping and ransacking, uprooting and upending everything in my life. The American Dream, gone. In the spring of 2008, I lost my marriage (divorced!), I lost my kids half time (joint custody!), I lost my house (forclosed!), I lost my job (downsized!), I lost my mental health (clinical depression!). Like my first divorce when I was 30, I turned to God and clung to what I was taught. It seemed to work back then. But this time, I prayed harder and harder. I studied the bible more and more. I went to church every chance I could. And yet those deep wounds would not heal. I tried and tried and tried. I cried and cried and cried. I cried out and cried out and cried out. But I could not muster up enough faith to keep me going. But, I kept writing. I didn't know why. I just knew that I had to. The compulsion to keep on writing was undeniable, incessant, and irrepressible. I had to write. It took a long time to begin to understand that it was the silence, the reflection, and the contemplation that began my healing. This I learned from a Buddhist Priest as I practiced shambhala meditation in Toronto. I carried it on for a few more years in silent worship with the Quakers. And continue to practice stillness informally everyday.

3. The questions along with the dissonance became a continuous and relentless roar throughout my 50s. It reminds me of the neverending tinnitus in my ears now in my 60s. At times it brings me to my knees.

4. First it hit me that "knowing" is a presumption that we have abused. We do not
"know" and we cannot "know." And it also hit me that if I already know, I can no longer learn. The dogma, assumptions, conditioning, and cultural downloads had me in chains. (see Underpinnings of Faith #1&2)

5. Then it hit me that along with knowing, certainty is nothing more than a story in my head. We are humans, not gods. We don't get to be certain about anything except that everything changes constantly. There is no permanence. Everything is temporal. And if I think that I know or that I am certain or that I am permanent, then I am playing God or just an idiot. (see Underpinnings of Faith #1&2)

6. This then made me begin to question the foundational things of my faith: one of them being an inspired, inerrant word of god. Not long after I began to see that, then I realized that the concept of a word of god period is absurd. And when I was then forced to question why we would be told this, the dynamics of power and oppression became clearer and clearer. (See, How Holy is the Holy Book?)

7. External authority is another story in our heads that we tell ourselves. Sometimes it is practical (like government and laws) but not when it comes to the things of life and death that no one can know. (see Underpinning #3) It is only internal authority that can tell me who I am, why I am here, and what I should do about it. There is a Seed of Knowing; an inner seed or light or voice that is always true. Some guy over there is not going to be able to tell me what my life is all about.

8. Once that foundation began to crumble, everything else began to unravel, and kept unraveling until there was nothing left. The nature of language and the identity of words furthered and deepened my understanding. Words are not reality and they never can be. Words and language is designed to simply point to a reality that gives us a point of reference to begin a conversation. Words and language were never designed to end or conclude a conversation with final answers. How can there be a Word of God if words themselves cannot express any sort of reality? Words and language are again stories we tell ourselves. Beliefs are stories we are told, then tell ourselves, then choose to believe. The Macro-Narratives and Micro-Narratives that drive us.

9. Then came the nature and function of thought, of reality and perception, of concepts and illusions, and of fictions and the stories we tell ourselves. The Fictions that Thought Creates

10. The Problem of Language, thought, words. Language is not reality. Language is made up of words and words are not reality. They are signs and symbols that point to reality. These pointers, these words cannot be precise. Their meanings exist in the heads of every person on earth. No two people understand reality the same. No two people describe reality the same. We each have different interpretations. That is human nature.

11. Then my eyes opened to the unseen structures, principalities, and powers that were really running things. The structures of power and oppression, inner and outer authority, being controlled and compliant versus living out our full potential. Oppression, Power,  & Privilege

12. A great eye opener is my understanding of myths per the teaching of Joseph Campbell along with the understanding and influence of conditioning according to Krishnamurti. My Mythic Guideposts

13. Once I turned 60, the scales fell off my eyes and I could see all of the wishful and magical thinking that I had been clinging to. At that point, I was finally ready to say "STOP" "enough!" It was at this point that I could fully let go of dogma. What I experienced profoundly and astonishingly is that I was finally free. No more shackles on my mind or on my conversations with others or in my acceptance and inclusion of others; unconditional love! I was finally free!


Losing my religion was perhaps the most freeing thing that has ever happened to me.


Who'd'a' thought that the total unraveling of my life would result in such incredible freedom?




Living Beyond Religion

What do you do when your religion has been one of the most important things in your life, when your religion is the basis for your family life, social life, intellectual life, the books you read, and the basis for your life long learning? What do you do when you find that your religion is just stories and illusions, that it is empty and meaningless? What do you do when there is nothing left to hang on to?

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2019/09/living-beyond-religion.html


An Old Old Story Based on Crumbling Foundations

There were a bunch of white guys that lived between 1900 and 4000 years ago that wrote the bible. Those guys believed it was evil spirits and false gods that made us sick, made it rain, ruined the crops, caused floods and droughts, earthquakes and tsunamis, caused the stars to fall from the sky; and that the universe revolves around the earth with human beings at the center of the whole created universe. They made up story after story about how things work that we know now are completely false, pure guesses based on the knowledge they had at that time. We can’t know what we don’t know. But for some reason, these stories are still hanging around and people are still believing them, even though they don’t make any sense any more. I’ve always thought that I was building my life on solid rock, but as my eyes are opening, I realize that the foundation I was building on was nothing but sand; shifting, sinking sand. This blog post is meant to be a sort of introduction to three very specific crumbling foundations with lots of documentation and research: 1) Why would God need Hell? 2) A holy book full of inconsistencies, errors, horrible inhumane actions of those that are supposed to be good, is considered inerrant and inspired? 3) The 10 Commandments, a list of non-essential morals, are touted as the greatest moral principles of all time? See the following three links.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2021/03/an-old-old-story-based-on-crumbling.html 


Heaven and Hell and Other Such Stories

So let me get this straight. This so-called god cannot trust people that he created to choose to believe in himself, their creator, the one that has only two actual attributes that I have been able to ascertain; silence and invisibility. But this god has to resort to tyrannical tactics in order to force people to believe in him by creating a torture chamber the size of 10 earths where people will burn forever. I wonder why he ever bothered to create them. On top of that, people will be sent to eternal torture without informed choice; in other words without ever knowing what their choices were. They are held responsible to know that Jesus died for their sins and need to repent even if they have never heard of Christianity. The reward is going to an eternal worship meeting to appease this god’s need for attention forever.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2021/03/heaven-and-hell-and-other-such-stories.html


More Highlights of My Deconversion Story


How Holy is the Holy Book?

As I’ve grown up and have come to a greater and deeper understanding of how this world works, I realize the complexity of language and words. Language is made up of words and words are what make up thoughts and images, or maybe thoughts and images make up words. Hmm. But when we don’t understand how that works, we elevate language to a level of idolatry. An example of this is thinking that words are reality and that they can contain the truth of reality. Words can only point toward reality as signs and symbols representing the images and stories in my head. They can never be the reality itself, just like a “tree” or a “table” cannot exist in my head where words originate and exist. So how can there be such a thing as a holy book that is the inspired, inerrant Word of God, when God created this world in such a way that words cannot be reality or truth??? 

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2021/03/how-holy-is-holy-book.html 


The 10 Commandments - the best morality of all time?

How does 10 commandments etched in stone 4000 years ago become the best morality of all time? What did people do for 2000 years before they had these precious commandments were so desperately needed? What happens if we actually read them and try to apply them to today? Why do people insist that America was founded on the 10 commandments? If you read them and actually think about them, you’ll see that only two can be used as a foundation for a country’s laws. And yet they are foolishly displayed in America’s courtrooms as if they are the basis of all our laws. The questions go on and on stemming from these 10 little narrow-minded commandments.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2021/03/10-commandments.html


The Bedrock of Being

What happens when you devote your life to hand-me-down religion and beliefs, automatic downloads from culture without thought and sense? Then what happens when you realize that if you are determined to understand truth, you must dig and keep on digging, if you were to follow the truth no matter where it leads? I started digging day after day for 15 years, sorting through the trash and treasures that had piled up in my subconscious and conscious mind. The innerwork was grueling, tearing my hands to the bone as my heart broke all the way down. The further I went, the more I could see I needed to keep on going. But then what? What happens when I begin to see a bit of bedrock, the ground of being? What is there? Nothing close to what I was told to believe. This journey is lifelong, so don’t begin unless you have to, unless you are so compelled that you can’t not begin. If you can stay in your cocoon and live with it, then do it.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2020/11/bedrock-of-being.html 


Philosophical Suicide

One thing I found at the bedrock of my being is that there are no answers, only more questions, more wonder, more intrigue, more mystery. There are no signposts beckoning us to a place that will finally give the answers. Meaning for my life does not come from any external authority. Meaning comes from within. But what does that mean? What am I going to do with this one precious life that I have been given? First we must decide the one true question of life, can I find a reason to live? Or will I choose not to live by turning to philosophical suicide or physical suicide. This is perhaps one of the most profound findings for me that helps me understand my place and my purpose in life; as well as my way forward.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2020/11/philosophical-suicide.html 


Magical Thinking

When I was a child, I thought like a child. But when I became a man, did I learn that this is not a magical world of fairy tales, Santa Clause, a magical sun that rises every morning and disappears at night, meals that magically appear at just the right time when I am hungry? Eventually, we begin to see that either things are fiction or reality. We can’t explain the fiction but if it is reality, there must be an explanation. We can’t make it magical by just believing it is. Sick people get well due to natural processes with some help from medical scientists. God didn’t donate money for my wonderful cause, people that cared did that. When things happen, there’s no magician in the sky waving something into existence. When I began to discern my own hidden assumptions about life, I had to ask myself if I think that magic is why things happen or do I base my thinking on evidence and on reality.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2020/08/magical-thinking.html 


The Tyranny of Thought

The Tyranny of the Mind that I refer to here is located in the psychological realm. Keep in mind there are other realms of tyranny (social, cultural, political, educational, religious) that are constantly oppressing us through conditioning, a form of brainwashing. Anything expressed is not real… it is nothing but a perception, a concept conjured up in our minds, then formulated with words that are nothing but signs and symbols that can only point to reality. Our reality is simply a “perception” or an interpretation of the concept or image that our mind creates. Awareness is beyond thought and comes from stillness. This is where truth lies.

Don’t believe everything you think. “Thought creates the world and then says, ‘I didn’t do it!’”

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2020/08/the-tyranny-of-thought.html


On Prayer

What is prayer beside talking to myself?

It seems to me that whether or not my faith in God is ever restored, prayer just keeps on. I keep right on talking to myself as if there is someone else listening. It seems to me to be a basic human trait... talking to myself and/or an imaginary friend. What is this thing called prayer if there is nobody home? When the only two verifiable attributes of the guy in the sky is silence and invisibility, what is prayer?

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2020/08/on-prayer.html  


Behold Thy God

For those that have not really read the bible, or if they have, those that don’t really believe what it says, what is this buffer, this defense, that filters out what I’m not supposed to notice? Well, here is a straight-up look at what god says about himself directly from his own Word of God.

These attributes of God are not made up or derived from historical teachings. 

“The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction; jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving, control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”

—Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion

The following is a self-description of the attributes of God directly from God himself through the inspired, inerrant, holy Word of God.

https://livingwithopenhands2.blogspot.com/2021/04/behold-thy-god.html 


This is the tip of the iceberg after my innerwork of 15 years.  I began by blogging the questions and doubts that had been gnawing at me in my first blog. During that time, I was still looking at the world through a Christian framework but it was a process of casting off the dogma and assumptions and conditioning that I was becoming more and more aware of. In my second blog, I felt a need to not only deconstruct my faith and sort it out but to move beyond that to deconstructing my whole world and life view. For the past two years I’ve been writing about the crumbling foundations of the Christian framework that was holding me back from seeing and following the truth wherever it may lead. Dogma is perhaps the greatest oppressor of freedom.


Recently, I felt a need to start the third iteration of Living With Open Hands that expressed my social and political outworkings that are a reflection of my innerwork. Sometimes politics are just as divisive as religion so it feels more coherent to separate the innerwork from the outer expressions. I waited for over a year to begin writing blog number two because I knew that in order to be true to myself, I would need to write but with my first blog I have many followers that are ardent Christians and I just am not ready to have people trying to save my soul or arguing about the truth I am discovering. The reality is quite the opposite except that I have no compulsion to save anyone from their beliefs. I think maybe some people need those beliefs. Sometimes we need the deeper truths mediated to us in order for it not to be too hard to understand meaning and purpose in life (see Mediated versus Unmediated Living). The original blog is actually in WordPress: https://ronirvine.wordpress.com/    where I have gotten over 78,000 hits from 150 countries. This is still quite surprising since I did not start a blog in order to put it out there, I just needed a place where I can archive them and return to them as a sort of working journal of my inner journey. Besides, I’ve always liked typing much more than handwriting like in a diary. Each post is really a reminder to me of what I have forgotten or what I need to not forget. And I never cease to return to these posts so that I can remember those points of inevitable change and paradigm shifts. So easily we forget what we already know.



CBS Documentary: Deconstructing my Religion (#xvangelical)