Hineni: Here Am I!

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked." Victor Frankl

"Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am." Parker Palmer

First we must surrender in stillness and silence.

Then, in order to truly live with open hands, it must be seen and expressed by the open mind, open heart, and open will.

It took me a while to truly understand the depth of all of these openings but I must admit that the one I struggled with most to understand is the OPEN WILL. But each of these openings depend on each other. The heart cannot open until the mind is open. In the same way, the will opens as an expression of the inner self; the open mind and the open heart. 

This is what is called integrity, which is greatly missing today, especially among the religious groups. If I say that I am living with open hands, then the question becomes are these open hands expressed by an open mind and an open heart. But none of this matters is we are not WILLING to live our lives as an expression of  our inner values and inner journey. The open will is where the rubber hits the road, it is our testimony to our integrity, where soul and role are one. Inner = Outer. Beliefs and spirit = a life of compassion, patience, stillness, contentment, and simplicity.

Hineni: Here Am I!

“Why do you hurry?

When you rush, you lose things along the way.

But when you slow down, things come to you.”

(Bedouin Guide)

As I progress through this life, growing older, growing up, growing down, slowing down, paying more attention, appreciating life more, seeing more clearly that which is essential; I realize more and more that less is more. But what does that mean? And what is the tangible and visible expression of living knowing that less really is more?

Go go go. More more more. Higher higher higher. Further further further. Bigger bigger bigger.

Climb that mountain. Run that marathon. Go for it all. Never give up. Never give in. Never stop.

All of our lives, society is telling us to throw ourselves into everything we do. Be the best. Excel over all others. Waking up in the morning to some inner voice from somewhere saying, be ready, psych yourself up to give it your all. So we exercise until injury stops us. We climb the career ladder until we hit the ceiling, like the Peter principle tells us: rising to our highest level of incompetence. We strive to be popular until our friends begin to drift away, as they always do, as everything always does. We religion our way through life. But when we religion our way into the abyss, there is nothing but the abyss staring back; empty doing, empty praying, empty singing, empty study of the holy books; a weariness of the flesh. And even the silent listening of worship becomes more and more silent. Where is the light? Where is the inner voice? Where is meaning? What is meaning? Where is purpose? What is purpose?

The longer I live, the smaller I become; fading fading fading into nothingness.

The longer I live, the less I know; receding receding receding into the mystery 

in silent stupor and awe. Staring staring staring at the wall, seeing nothing.

The longer I live, the less I’m right, less less less telling.

The longer I live, the less I want to be right, less less less convincing anyone of anything.

The longer I live, the less speaking, more more more listening.

The longer I live, the less I know, more more more questions questions questions.

The longer I live, the less I believe without questioning questioning questioning.

We come to this earth alone in stillness and in darkness. Unaware. 

When we are born, we are startled awake by a baby’s cry, oh, that’s me.

We leave this earth alone in stillness and in darkness. Unaware.

Yet, while we are here, we exhaust ourselves with rushing about 

In the clamoring noise and glaring lights. Always on. Nonstop.

Desperate to leave something behind, to leave some legacy.

During the years between the cradle and the grave, 

we turn up the volume and turn on the neon lights, 

while we search for that right immortality project 

that will halt the lifelong terror that is pursuing 

and haunting us every moment of every day: 

the intolerable fear of death, 

and knowing that the moment we are born 

is the moment we begin to die.