Letting go and letting come...
I have, of necessity, developed an inner impulsion to grow, to deepen toward my source, uncovering and uprooting my illusions and myths, stories and fairy tales that I can no longer live by; revealing raw reality, unvarnished truth, unmasked authenticity, true integrity. This impulsive drive became a fire in my belly fueling an unstoppable passion to understand that which is real and true while attempting to resolve some of the cognitive, emotional, and spiritual dissonance that is a sort of tinnitus constantly piercing and clouding my soul.
But this fire in my belly has been dormant for close to 50 years. The domination of cultural influences had its foot on my neck exerting pressure, very subtly and imperceptibly; just enough to keep my face in the dirt, keeping me unaware that life is so much more than the canned world and life view that I have downloaded. Under this impalpable duress, I settled into knowing that I know, content with what I thought I knew; with the status quo remaining rigidly and palpably sacred. This is the natural tendency for most people. That is precisely how cultural myths are sustained. Apart from trauma and crisis and broken dreams; my world view, my myth, would have remained intact. That’s what I wanted. I liked my life except for the heartbreak. But these disrupted the settled illusion of status quo to the extent that I could no longer survive. The foundational values and beliefs that had sustained me crumbled in the face of this upheaval. I felt the storms washing away the sand upon which I had built my All American, Christian house. It was either do or die. I could no longer survive with the same thinking and patterns that had worked for so long. It was then that my eyes began to open and I began to “See” beneath the surface, through the facade that had sustained me.
