Is there meaning and purpose?
Or just fate and the absurd?
Good or Evil or both?
Beauty or Ugliness or both?
Light or Darkness or both?
Order or Chaos or both?
Meaning or Despair or both?
Destiny or Absurdity or both?
“Today I give thanks for it all,
Though I do not understand much of what I see,
I surrender anyway....
I trust in the Goodness of Life,
I open to the One that breathes me,
To the One who has given me one more day
To feel so alive and free”
(Flora Aube)
This really resonates within me… mostly. At least, I want to believe it.
But I can no longer trust “the One” that stands indifferent to all of the suffering in this world.
I can no longer put my faith in “the One”, whose only response to me is the indifference of silence and invisibility.
I keep coming back to a very obvious conclusion, there is something that is greater than me that sustains life and the universe. Without naming it or giving it a personality, maybe the One is what it is. And maybe no one really knows what it is. How could they? So for me, I think the “One that breathes me” is simply “that which breathes me” and gives me life. The Breath or Force that gives Life. No naming, no labeling. It is what it is. Or if Breath could make a first person statement, I am what I am. Of course, "first person" is personification, anthropomorphism, and simply put, creating god in our image. What we do know is that there is Something Greater that sustains us.
Obviously, there is some sort of order, some sort of initiation of life and creation, some sort of unmoved mover, some sort of ground of being, some sort of intelligence that gives sustainability to life. I also see that personally, at times, there is some sort of incidental graces or synchronicity that brings things together in my life that seems close to miraculous, something that can be perceived as meaning and purpose. I also see that I am exactly where I am meant to be at every moment. What does that mean? I have no idea. I see that everything I need, I already have. Is this just me slipping back into magical thinking? Or are these senses something real? Can I trust myself and my intuitive senses or is that just another illusion nurtured by absurdity?
In the quote at the beginning, “to the One” for me has a feeling of personification and anthropomorphism, like we are creating a god in our image that is a “friend” or an individual or a person or a projection of human characteristics that we hope for, all wrapped up in our imaginary friend in the sky. I have always strongly believed in meaning and purpose. I think that I believed it so strongly, needed it so strongly, that I was willing to create my own god that loves me and tells me what to do and watches out for me and listens to me when I cry out or pray… with no response, ever, but deathly, suffocating silence and unsettling, haunting invisibility in response.
“Rising, streetcar, four hours in the office or the factory, meal, streetcar, four hours of work, meal, sleep, and Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday and Saturday according to the same rhythm.” (The Myth of Sisyphus)
“This set up a disturbing problem for Camus. Recognizing that human existence is a futile merry go round with no end but death, stimulates an appetite for clarity – a desire to understand the absolute ordering principles and purpose behind the universe. But our reason is confined to the evidence from our experience, and thus when it comes to the spiritual comforts we long for, there can be no certainty whatsoever.” https://academyofideas.com/2016/04/introduction-to-camus-the-absurd-revolt-and-rebellion/
Where do I go from here? Do I throw out everything I valued and thought I needed? Or do I tentatively hang on while at the same time letting go, like a butterfly in my palm, to see what understanding and mystery may emerge over the years, knowing that what is true may fly away but may also return in all of its beauty. I guess this is what is meant by “living the questions.” Camus called this living fiercely in rebellion against the absurdity of life and yet “living without appeal,” which I am gradually understanding to be living without any appeal to our pet illusions or graven images of gods or saviors or other false stories and beliefs to save me from me and to save me from this life that I have been given. Living with appeal is an escape from the hard work of forging our own way in this wilderness, even though we feel lost and in despair, knowing that if I am fully conscious of my life, each and every moment, I will find that there are simple, meaningful ways of making a difference as I continue on my journey to nowhere… a journey to nowhere but here and now.
According to Albert Camus in the Myth of Sisyphus, knowing that this life holds no inherent meaning with me at the center of the universe like the myths of old patterned on sciences of old, I am left with only three choices on the cliff of despair he calls absurdity. It forces us to decide if life is worth the effort to make something real and good or not. This is so simple. Either we do something to make this life worth living and ourselves worthy to live it. Or we don’t. But if we do not make it into something, then it remains nothing. It remains without being worth living. In that case, the first choice is physical suicide. As we become more conscious, we see this insurmountable absurdity and decide that suicide is the only rational option. “There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide.” To live or not to live is Camus’ ultimate question. There is another way of committing suicide. The second option, which I see as a bit more courageous, albeit not much, is philosophical suicide. This is similar to giving up on the fullness of life and freedom, and thus committing physical suicide. Philosophical suicide is “living with appeal” by sacrificing life, meaning, and freedom to some outside influence to save me; to feed me a story, a philosophy, a religion, and politick, all of which are nothing more than stories in our heads. Philosophical suicide is a way of killing the questions, the doubts, the mystery and replacing them with a fantasy or philosophy or any illusion of our choosing. Interestingly, these are most often predetermined by our zip code; a much easier path than our third and final choice. Living in direct rebellion to the overwhelming absurdity of life by facing it and finding meaning and purpose in each moment in defiance of suicide and despair.
“We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.” (Charles Bukowski)
Instead of “to the One” in the opening quote, maybe “to the Oneness” is closer to capturing the mystery of life and of the universe. Often I wonder if there is some sort of destiny or fate as we are told by the gods in religions or are we really teetering on the edge of absurdity. When I look at life, I see both. I see “Life” as having a history, a track record, of sustainability, of order out of chaos, of beauty and ugliness, of joy and sorrow, of love and suffering. So why do we need to choose between the opposing concepts of meaning and purpose or fate and absurdity? Rather than being in opposition, maybe they are two sides of the same coin just like the rest of life is. Without the one, the other is not possible.
I think the western mind often steps into its own crap, the trap of categorizing and sense-making that binary or dualistic thinking sets up for us. Black or white, right or wrong, either / or; rather than both / and. Another example of the incredible paradox of the human being is the quote below by Alexander Solzhenitsyn. We try to categorize human character as “total depravity” or “original sin” but to me, that seems like a story to convince people to commit philosophical suicide by “living with appeal” and giving in to some philosophical or religious answers, human constructs, while murdering all doubt and inquiry, uncertainty and insecurity, in the face of the ultimate absurdity, death itself. I've heard it said that life is nothing more than a mad dash from cradle to casket. I'd say that's the default. The challenge is can we or will we harness for good that mad dash?
“The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.” (Alexander Solzhenitsyn)
“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.” (Charles Bukowski)
“Man stands face to face with the irrational. He feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world.” (The Myth of Sisyphus)
“It is not that the universe in and of itself is absurd, instead, the absurd arises from our relationship with the universe – it exists within the tension between our yearning for unity and the indifference of the universe to this yearning. In Camus’ words, “the absurd depends as much on man as it does on the world.”
With or without mankind, the universe sustains itself. There is an inner seed of knowing or intelligence that maintains the order necessary to sustain itself. This same seed of knowing is sown deep within everything and everyone. If I am sick, my body knows what to do. When I’m born, I begin to grow. When I need nutrition, my cells know… they just know. No one tells the earth to turn or the clouds to rain or a garden to grow or a river to flow. There is indeed amazing order in all of nature and the universe. “It is not that the universe in and of itself is absurd, instead, the absurd arises from our relationship with the universe – it exists within the tension between our yearning for unity and the indifference of the universe to this yearning.” (Camus)
I think that there is an intimate relationship between mankind and the universe. But it is intimate with us only according to its own terms, totally void of empathy. It does not exist on our terms and respond to our questions and tell us our meaning and purpose. We are not the center of the universe. It is completely indifferent to our demands. And yet it knows what we need to survive, thrive, and sustain ourselves and makes sure we have everything we need, in spite of ourselves. The universe is full of abundant resources but they aren’t doled out to those things that don’t need them. They are distributed as needed for everyone and everything to sustain itself. This is the seed of knowing implicit in all things. “There is in all visible things a hidden wholeness.” (Thomas Merton)
Can we trust this hidden wholeness? Absolutely.
Can we trust that we are exactly where we need to be?
Can we trust that we have everything we need?
Can we trust that things will work out for good, eventually?
Can we trust that the good that we give will come back to us?
Can we trust that the bad things we do will come back on us?
Can we trust that love and peace will conquer all?
In the midst of The Absurd, can we know these things?
Is this not the way that we revolt in the face of the absurd?
We stand up, with this seed of knowing sustaining us and absolutely trusting the hidden wholeness within.
This exploration of absurdity and Camus’ response to it is something I’ve needed to do for the last couple of years. Here is why. If I am truly opening my mind and heart to understand this world and yet if I am hanging on to dogma and systems of belief that are no more that human constructs, and as I am learning to see the full extent of my conditioning and want to do something about it, I needed to start beneath or behind or beyond dogma and see what is left if I truly let go of it all. If I can make sense of a world that inherently does not make sense, in and of itself, then this absurd world is mine and I can shape it in a way that really creates meaning for me and makes a difference in the lives of others.
Camus states that even though the universe’s response to mankind’s neverending cry for meaning is the indifference of silence, this does not let mankind off the hook. Even if we look the absurd in the face, in defiance, we still must live in accord with the beliefs that we choose. And our actions must align with these beliefs, no matter what they are; real or illusion. Just because the universe refuses to reveal itself, it’s purpose and meaning, and to take a stance of integrity in this revelation, does not mean that mankind can deny our own integrity. It is this cry for meaning and purpose that comes from the depths of mankind’s being, that establishes the inevitability of integrity within the human being. Hence absurdity is only a reflection of reality and not an excuse for human beings to short circuit the process of creating their own world and life view by which they shall live.
Even though we cannot see or hear meaning and purpose expressed directly to the human eyes and ears does not mean it is not there. The very existence and sustainability of the universe, to me, implies an order and an intelligence that demands our trust. Just because meaning and purpose is not being communicated in human language does not mean that it is not there. It just reveals yet again that mankind is not the center of the universe.
Mankind tends toward selfishness and narcissism. It is never satisfied and constantly demanding more; to be greater, to be the center of attention, and to ensure that the universe revolves around itself. And hence,
We think that the universe was created for us.
We think that the gods are here to attend to us.
We think that we have a specific and personal god,
and that this god is our imaginary friend forever.
We create gods to make us feel more important.
We create gods to make us feel more loved.
We create gods to fill that god-shaped hole
that we are told is in our hearts.
We create gods to justify and validify our theology.
We create gods to justify and validify belief systems.
We create gods to give us meaning and purpose
that the universe, thus far refuses to do.
We create gods to tell us what to do, what to think, how to believe.
We create gods to conquer that which has always been inevitable;
the fear of death, the dread of our own demise
and the existential terror that accompanies it.
What would happen if it occurred to us that we are not the center of anything; sort of like what happens when we mature and become adults. We realize that there are no more people fussing and doting over us. Heck, they don’t even feed us anymore. Eventually we stop crying about it and learn to face life with maturity, resolve, and courage, knowing that those wonderful, personal parents we have been given will eventually pass away.
Most common response to the Absurd: elusion through illusion
Camus perceives filling the void with some invented belief or meaning is a mere “act of eluding”—that is, avoiding or escaping rather than acknowledging and embracing the Absurd. To Camus, elusion is a fundamental flaw in religion, existentialism, and various other schools of thought. If the individual eludes the Absurd, then he or she can never confront it. Camus also concedes that elusion is the most common response to the absurd.
Three possible responses
In absurdist philosophy, the Absurd arises out of the fundamental disharmony between the individual’s search for meaning and the meaninglessness of the universe. As beings looking for meaning in a meaningless world, humans have three ways of resolving the dilemma. Kierkegaard and Camus describe the solutions in their works, The Sickness Unto Death (1849) and The Myth of Sisyphus (1942), respectively:
Suicide (or, “escaping existence”): a solution in which a person ends one’s own life. Both Kierkegaard and Camus dismiss the viability of this option. Camus states that it does not counter the Absurd. Rather, the act of ending one’s existence only becomes more absurd.
Religious, spiritual, or abstract belief in a transcendent realm, being, or idea: a solution in which one believes in the existence of a reality that is beyond the Absurd, and, as such, has meaning. Kierkegaard stated that a belief in anything beyond the Absurd requires an irrational but perhaps necessary religious acceptance in such an intangible and empirically unprovable thing (now commonly referred to as a “leap of faith“). However, Camus regarded this solution, and others, as “philosophical suicide”.
Acceptance of the Absurd: a solution in which one accepts the Absurd and continues to live in spite of it. Camus endorsed this solution, believing that by accepting the Absurd, one can achieve the greatest extent of their freedom, and that by recognizing no religious or other moral constraints and by revolting against the Absurd while simultaneously accepting it as unstoppable, one could possibly be content from the personal meaning constructed in the process. Kierkegaard, on the other hand, regarded this solution as “demoniac madness”: “He rages most of all at the thought that eternity might get it into its head to take his misery from him!“
https://antilogicalism.com/2017/07/02/the-absurd/
Camus says that the most common response to The Absurd is elusion.
But I wonder if there is an even more basic and common response; the unconscious disregard of the reality of The Absurd. Both could lead to philosophical suicide. One being conscious and one being unconscious.
So often any sort of oppressive reality ends up submerging its subject so thoroughly that they do not even realize it. They cannot see the oppression or the oppressor. And one cannot become a rebel against something that is not there due to being unaware through willful ignorance.
Let Go and Let Come
Similar to trusting the hidden wholeness or the seed of knowing
“Water is the driving force of all nature.” — Leonardo da Vinci
“Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.” — Lao Tzu
“We forget that the water cycle and the life cycle are one.” — Jacques Yves Cousteau
“In one drop of water are found all the secrets of all the oceans.” — Kahlil Gibran
“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” — Isak Dinesen
“Thousands have lived without love, not one without water.” — W. H. Auden
“The fall of dropping water wears away the Stone.” – Lucretius
“They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, the voice of perpetual Becoming.”― Hermann Hesse
“Human nature is like water. It takes the shape of its container.” ― Wallace Stevens“Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle.” – Crystal Middlemas
“Life in us is like the water in a river.” ― Henry David Thoreau
“Water is soft and humble, but it is the most powerful and is the most endurable.” ― Debasish Mridha
“I was still water, held by my surroundings.
I am now a river, carving my own path.”― Scott Stabile
“A calm water is like a still soul.”― Lailah Gifty Akita
“No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.” – Taoist proverb
“Water sustains all.” – Thales of Miletus
“All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. This humility gives it its power. If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them.” (Lao Tzu)
“Water is the softest and most yielding substance. Yet nothing is better than water, for overcoming the hard and rigid, because nothing can compete with it.” (Lao Tzu)
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