Why I Write

I do not write because I understand. I write in order to understand.

Writing for me has become a deeply transformational spiritual discipline.

I started blogging 13 years ago. I felt like I was entering a wilderness of my own. I see my blogging as a way to map my spiritual journey. Little did I know what the future had in store . . . a deep and excruciating depression, divorce, loss of my kids halftime to joint custody, job loss, loss of health benefits, foreclosure of the home my children were born in; and I turned 50 all that spring. My wilderness was like an earthquake that left nothing unturned. So each time I post, like the Israelites in the wilderness, it was a monument to something new (a new perspective or insight or a new set of questions) that I must REMEMBER. So like the Israelites, I go back to my “monuments”, my altars of stone, my piles of rocks, regularly. I want to make sure I never forget my own pain and its transformation of my heart nor do I ever want to forget the pain of others. I now can enter in to their pain with them and just be there with them. See more here: The Way of Compassion and The Way of the Brokenhearted


For me, writing has become a way to listen to my inner teacher . . . my inner light. Then as I hear something new . . . or disruptive . . . that I know I must live by, a diamond that emerges from the darkness, I write about it. Writing about it helps me clarify my inner truth and it also gives me something to go back to . . . so I don’t forget my journey, and the gifts of wisdom, born of beauty and pain, the rose and the thorn, each step of the way. I wrote my blog for over a year before anybody came across it. I still don’t have a lot of followers because I only talk about it with those that might get it. I get a lot of blank stares… So I don’t go out and try to find people to read it. But when I have a conversation with someone that touches on something I’ve written about, it is really nice to be able to go back to my blog posts and share parts of my journey. It is a way to relate with someone beneath the surface, from the heart. I get soooo tired of life on the surface where no one cares about anything but external things; when what really matters are the deeper things. “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart” (Helen Keller)
Here is a quote from a book I’m reading that has really changed my heart, Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. This quote tells why I tell my story:

“The experience of darkness has been essential to my coming into selfhood, and telling the truth about that fact helps me stay in the light. But I want to tell that truth for another reason as well: many young people today journey in the dark as the young always have, and we elders do them a disservice when we withhold the shadowy parts of our lives. When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about the darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known. As the darkness began to descend on me in my early twenties, I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize that I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.”

Sometimes as we journey through the wilderness, we forget the “why” of the journey, what is it that I am heading for. The trail just goes on and on and on. Then it hits me. “I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.” I journey inward, beneath the surface, to my soul. A journey to find that divine purpose embedded in my soul. A journey of silence, listening to “that of God” in my soul, telling me what I am here for, what is my calling on this earth, what gifts was I born with that I have not yet brought forth, what difference my life will make, what imprint will it leave behind?

At the deepest level, there seems to be three question that have emerged for me:
Who am I? (my Identity)
Why am I here? (my Purpose)
What am I going to do about it? (my Mission)
A another question also emerges as part of the first question. Whose am I? (my Community)

Writing has become a way for me to find my voice

and to give voice to my questions;

a journey from dogmatism and certainty

to inquiry and dialog,

from living with clenched fists to living with open hands.

Life is an unfolding of truth. Life is a journey, a process we must live out. And writing, for me, is part of that process.
“A writer is dear and necessary for us only in the measure of which he reveals to us the inner workings of his very soul.” (Leo Tolstoy)
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“Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see
whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess
to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.
This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I
write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in
assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then
build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its
humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this
impulse.”
(Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet)

“2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
“And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to”
(Lyrics: Breathe, Anna Nalick)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These quotes speak my heart so clearly. Sometimes It is a blessing and sometimes it is a curse. But over time, even though I haven’t sought out people to share my journey, one by one, they have. I’ve found such deep peace and blessing from their comments; affirming to me that this gift I have been given is touching people. It fills me with such a fullness that tears well up and overflow . . .
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These are blog comments from my early writings from Living with Open Hands. This feedback kept me going, knowing that I'm doing what I need to do. http://ronirvine.wordpress.com 

“I like reading your blogs. Every time I read your blogs I
get something new out of them. So I’m printing them off” .
. . 60 pages later . . .
Rest in peace, Grandma, I miss you!!!
At age 90, she was my first and favorite blog fan!!!

I believe your blog will be a source of inspiration for her (my sister)
if it could pull me right out of the fog I’ve been stuck in for
a decade now, it can certainly help inspire her to live the
courage of her convictions.
I feel like I have been reborn–not ‘born again’ but
awakening what had gone dormant……I feel the urge to
have an exchange with you about each one….to slowly
digest them and let them water my dry spirit.
I am so awed at the poetry of your work–how you
combine the visual image with the quotes with your own
reflections and questions–so powerful–such a gift!
Kay

I have been reading your blog lately. I just wanted to let
you know that I am finding so much comfort and hope as
I do so. The single parent and gentleness writings have
been so helpful of late. Helpful to me because you are
going beneath the placating & accepted surfaces put on
these subjects. You know of the pain and the reward if
you live it. It is encouraging to know there are others who
ride through the storms and that our reacting is
legitimate.
Laurel

Ron, your blog spoke to that buried part of my soul in a
deep way….I felt tears of empathy for the courageous
journey you so eloquently express–what a precious gift of
vulnerability you have given. I’m blown away to find
somebody from my youth who might actually be able to
understand ME, the me that nobody knows or
understands.
Kay

Your words are mesmerizing. Honestly, I wish I could
communicate my thoughts into words like that . . .
Some people try to use tricks to do what you did. Some
people will use huge, big words and complex analogies
in an attempt to sound intelligent, and end up not saying
much at all. Some people like to employ ‘willfull
ignorance’ and convince themselves that their sub-par
writing good enough (just try reading Twilight, lol). but
with your words, there was the perfect balance of
intellect, simplicity and heart for me to see what you were
trying to say. And that, my friend, is what mesmerized me.
You’ve inspired me. I am going to start a blog, it’s going
to be on my fanpage and on a separate blog too. It might
not be amazing, but I want to do it. Thank You!
Khadija

Comment on “Bullet Holes and Poverty”
A very powerful post on your blog…you captured the
craziness and the heartbreak of it all quite well. It is a
good piece that should be more widely read. Thanks for
putting it out there.
Chris

Comments on “living the questions”
This is beyond amazing. Thanks for posting! Is this in a
book? Or where can I find this article?
Marty

I crave for more!! And will follow to find more…knowing it’
s out there:)
Lynn

Comment on “the way of the brokenhearted”
Very POWERFUL and so true!! I loves the Psalms too
and know that Gods plan is perfect! Tho He allows us
storms to weather through….His promise is that He is
right there to carry us through…if we let Him with a
willingness. He has carried me through many tough
storms and through each one of them I learn so many
new things . . . Sir, I want to thank you for your words of
wisdom and too I thank God for bringing you into my life,
so I could read the beauty here on this page:)
God bless you,
Lynn

Comment on “Malignancy”:
I think you have done a very good job of describing one of
the greatest problems of our modern world. I think each
one of us has to realize that we can cure it in every
conversation, every interaction, and every moment that
we spend with others.
Power Ranger Freak.